I sit down beside the couch, the dust being the least of my concerns at the moment with so much going on in my mind.
As if awakened by my distress my wolf seems to yawn at the back of my mind, and feeling that weird sensation of someone being there with me I stretch out to reach for her consciousness as she is suddenly jolted awake.
'Y~aawn, what is it darling? Why did you wake me up so abruptly?' I can almost see her physical form stretching its paws at her front and opening her mouth wide.
"Ah, sorry about that Luna, but I have some weird things going on and I want, no, I 'need' some answers."
'Uhm…' She says after chewing something invisible to brush the mist of sleepness away. 'I see…Then let me help you darling, you are not alone in this, not anymore.'
Even though her words should sound odd, just because it was her, my wolf, that was saying that it makes me believe her in some weird way, and I even found some comfort in it; though it was still somewhat odd the fact that I trusted her to that point, a stranger, or rather a strange part of myself.
A wild part.
But now… where to begin asking?
"W-why did he act like that? Nolan I mean…" That's not normal, and I refuse to believe that, after this long, he was just like the others; a mere beast.
'… There is no simple way of explaining this, but because… he was attracted by your smell, and not only that, when wounded wolves tend to take care of each other, so when he saw your wound his wolf, who is already very strong and present, took over and acted a little… off.' She says in a rather strange translation of her shuffles and barks, though I could still understand her.
Ok, that explanation seemed reasonable and simple enough which made it suspicious for it was never a simple matter with these wolves.
"…But?"
'They just do that with the pack. He did that to you is he considering us pack.'
"Ok, like family then?" I remember parts of her explanation in the woods, and so far beyond the odd behavior it didn't seem so bad.
Though I bet I will be proven wrong soon and things will start to complicate, I just have a good hutch about bad things.
Or always expect the worse, one of both.
"And the other… Lycan? What was he talking about that… Luna thing? Was he talking about you?" No way right? He didn't know our names.
'Oh no, not about me. Well, Luna is the name given to the female pack leader.' The one who has the pups, I remember her saying; which now makes sense to why he threatened me that way.
"Wait, but how does he know that I'm an alpha? Or rather, am I?" Alphas aren't supposed to be strong and vigilant? The last thing I saw myself as was a leader, even more an alpha at that.
'And why not darling? I know how you feel; we are the same after all, but…'
"Then you know that I'm not fitting to be an alpha, that I'm definitely not an alpha, hell, I can't even touch someone with my bare hands." I can almost see her thinking, licking her snout as she says:
'Darling, that's where you are wrong; you need to be strong to be an alpha, yes, but being strong is not being without weakness, but actually fighting against your own fears, your on weakness. Do you think, darling, that if you were weak you would have survived until now, in this world full of rooting bodies and deadly beings, all alone while taking care of Kira?'
I'm in such shock that I'm left speechless; I have never thought of it in that way.
'Nobody is perfect, nothing is perfect, so you should not try to be, the true beauty is in accepting your limits, accepting yourself, and stop trying to be who you are not. You are strong, do never doubt that, and what makes you stronger than anyone else is your awareness of your own weakness, on how you have to fight it every day, and how you defeat it over and over again and survive it all.'
It was somehow refreshing and surprising to have someone seeing me in such a way. For my whole life I had this shadow of doubt, this weakness of mine that, instead of being respected and understood, was exploited and abused by others.
On how I have always been alone, on how I could not find the strength to accept myself just like she said, that if I wasn't normal, if I didn't fit in, I was nobody, I was just less then dirt, putting my value on what others thought of me.
But then I realized, with the war, with the apocalypse, that, in the end, we just have ourselves, that, until the end, the only ones who will stay with us no matter what is ourselves.
That's when I said fuck it.
Fuck them all.
I won't waste my time trying to fit in; I won't waste my time explaining myself, trying to belong to some category for what? A meaningless title?
I don't need to fit in anywhere, I just 'need' to be myself, to let the real me free.
I started taking care of myself, from my health to my mental state, I started putting myself first, and even if it sounds selfish and bad, it was what saved me from losing myself in what the others wanted of me.
The strongest wolf is the lone wolf.
But I'm not alone anymore, am I?
"…Thanks Luna, I needed to hear that."
'No worries love, I'm here with you, always. We are together on this now.'
There was some comfort in that that I thought to be almost worth it; all this trouble, plus the werewolf thing.
'Darling only one more thing, I just want to ask you to forgive Noal, alphas males can be a bit unstable when dealing with their pack. They are very… overprotective.'
"I understand, I will try not to." At least before I clean my hands and arm three times that is, and maybe kick Nolan a few times too just for good measure.
At that my attention is brought away from my thoughts when I hear some odd banging noise coming from around the building, but being in such a zombie-infested city it should not be a surprise; and yet my ears perched and my brain shot an alert.
These must be the wolf instincts or something, but whatever it was I was starting to trust it, that's why I stand slowly, my back against the wall, and my eyes turned towards the darkness.
"Mutt…?" I say under my breath, wanting to hit myself at the same second that the words came out of my mouth; great idea, why not shout out where you are to whoever is out there?
Blinking a few times I find that my vision is adapting rather quickly to the dark parts of the apartment, enough so that I could see most things that I shouldn't be able to.
I know I just promised not to get angry at Nolan, but damn where was that mutt now? Didn't he said he would have a look over the place, or did he just run away with his tail tugged between his legs?
For the last look I had at his face, it is possible that it was the latter, sigh, men am I right?
I finally have a good look at the place, a cozy small apartment with brick-pattern on the walls and a cozy fireplace to the side in diagonal, a small American kitchen with a black counter and a very small veranda.
It seemed to be a very nice place to live in, beyond being small, but at least there would be fewer things to search for in a smaller place.
I walk slowly, feeling by heart thump loudly in my chest as I try to even my breathing and make as little sound as I could as I try to hear over the wind outside.
As I step further in I pass over some pictures of a woman with a dog, sometimes walking on a beach, sometimes just lazing around and hugging the furball, but most or were the dog's photos or at least had him in them.
That brought a smile to my face for a second, until the thought that they were probably dead crossed my mind; and I really, really hope that there is not a dog's body further into the place.
That would really suck.
I hear the sound once more behind the second door on the hall, probably the bedroom's door, and I stop only for a second before touching the knob, a candlestick at hand that I stole from the living room in the air ready to strike.
Then, with a squeaking sound, I open the door.
&&&
Tadãaa~~~Cliffhanger Muahahah
Hope some words in this chapter resonated with you all (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و
BTW, some quick explanation; usually the ones that have pups in this kind of book are the omega ones, but I search real pack hierarchy with wolves and is actually the alpha couple that have them, and all help to keep an eye out for them, the others mostly have pups when there is abundance of food, otherwise the pack would be too big to sustain.
So I thought… let's make it different! So here the alphas have the pups, though as werewolves all can have as well…
(๑￫ܫ￩)