Of all the things I already lost, of all the things life, the war, the apocalypse took from me, my humanity was the last thing I thought to lose; at least not before having the chance to put a bullet through my head.
It was ironic that, in the end, a bite really toke my humanity from me, just like I always thought I would end up; but not exactly as rotting meat.
Really, really ironic.
It makes me think God has a dark sense of humor.
The surroundings blurred together at the back of my mind as I had a breakdown, and I only realized how dangerous it was to have one in the middle of the woods alone when I notice that, out of nowhere, the wolf was beside me, staying at a good distance and looking at me for who knows how long.
"Y-you, what the hell are you doing here? I don't need your pity, get the hell out of here!"
He did not move, only staring at me with unblinking eyes, resembling far too much the beast he was as no expression came to his face.
"Oi! I'm talking to you your mutt!
As he approaches I stand, using the tree to steady myself as I do so, my eyes flaming with range as the only thing I wanted was to vent my anger into someone.
"You and your fucking kind are the ones responsible for this! This fucking sick hunting game that you like to play even wounded my fucking dog! Only for what?! So I would become the same as you? What kind of freaking joke is that?!"
Somehow we ended up standing in front of each other and in a fit of anger I bump his shoulder with my hand, barely making him flinch back as I do once more, but this time he grabs my wrists, stopping me.
I try to pull back, then push, but his grip is like iron and just makes me feel even worst.
"Can you all just leave us alone?!"
I can't handle this anymore.
And is it even worth it? The world is so fucked up already, why survive to live in this shithole?
"I just, I… I don't know anymore." I say, once more overflowing with tears, angry at them from falling and showing such a weak and ugly side to the wolf, which made everything even worse.
I keep trying to push him but my attempts grow weaker and weaker as I end up looking down and fall into a warm hug, his strong arms cupping my body easily as my head fell on his chest.
And that… seemly oddly comfortable and welcoming, in such a way that I haven't felt in a long time, no, that I have never felt before.
It was as if I had shown my ugliest side to him but instead of pushing me away he embraced me, though I knew he did not know half the ugliest deep parts of me; and I knew if he did he would run away just like the others.
They always did.
Knowing that made me unable to enjoy that tight hug to the fullest, but still it manages to calm me down a little, until, that is, I felt the skin on my face crawl and get numb from the direct contact with his furry chest and all the bacteria's that came from it.
It felt disgusting to have such direct contact right up on my face, so close to my ears and nose and mouth and yet…
It had been right what I needed.
This time that I try to get out of his grip he lets me, no judgment in his eyes and a strange calm and serene behavior, very akin to him, as he seemed… understanding in some way.
"You had to… to pass through it as well… right?" It makes sense, and why he came in such a way to give support, and that picked my interest; how did he turn?
And yet, to my surprise, he nods negatively, looking distressed and unable to convent what he wanted to say; and yet his glace stops just above my shoulder, looking back at something I could not see, making his eyes narrow and his black lips tremble up slightly.
I frown as I look back as well, my hand going automatically towards my pocket and taking off a moistened handkerchief to clean my face up without the need to pay attention to my already automatic move and my eyes search for what caught the wolf's attention.
When I see it as well I can feel the blood running down my face as I grow pale, my heart skipping a beat as I held my breath in.
For what I see was… a footprint.
Or rather, a paw print.
We stay there, staring in shock, until reality hits me, making me fall back and look at him.
"We need to get out of here. Now!"
Without wasting more time we rush back to the cave, eyes and ears alert to any more sighs of the woves around.
Of course.
Of course you stupid.
Of course they would not give up that easily; not after you stole from them, and not after being interrupted.
We soon arrive at the cave and the first thing we do is to put the fire out, making the once warming comfy place dreadful and eerie quickly, the cracking of the fire being substituted by the howling wind.
It was an ominous silence, that is, until I hear growling.
My head shots up towards the sound, my hands stopping mid-motion to put my things inside the backpack, the darkness making it difficult for me to localize the source of the sound, especially when I discover that it comes from the black wolf.
I did not dare to speak, my eyes staring the same direction as his yellowish-brown eyes where, but could find nothing out of the ordinary over the cave entrance.
At that he stops growling, and when I look back he is gone into the darkness, but as the wind picks up a strange noise comes with it, of something rasping on the floor.
A strange sound… but not an unfamiliar one.
"Shit." I let escape between breaths, hiding behind a pillar the moment a shadow appears on the walls over the cave entrance.
Then, to my horror, many other shadows appear as well, one after the other, bringing crunching sounds and low guttural growls with them.
Zombies.
A horde of them.
But of course we would not be let off from them after the loud chasing from the day before.
God it seemed to have happened so long ago, and yet it had been so close by that only now the horde manage to follow behind, aimlessly at this point I bet, long ago having lost their target.
I look over, barely able to see some feet passing by, the entrance being thankfully inclined inwards, making it harder to see and enter, but harder for me to perceive the world outside too.
Holding my breath I see them passing by and ignoring our cave, and feeling a little relieved I start thinking repeatedly, almost like a chanting: don't come in don't come in don't come in!
With my heart hammering in my chest I stare at the group until they leave, they ever so slow steps seeming more dragging and dreadful than usual, the snow making it harder for them to move since they could barely raise their feet off the ground, dragging their bodies along as if moved by mere inertia.
A sigh escapes my lips as their number starts to dwindle, the enormous groups passing by for what it feels like forever until just some slower ones were left behind, forcing their path over the upturned snow.
A smile curves my lips a little when I see most have passed, and that outside seemed to be quiet once more, a heavyweight being lifted off from my chest.
But of course…
I celebrated too soon.
***
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