"He came and went with the shadows every night. I didn't know who he was, what he wanted, or even what he was. My spine would tingle, I would get the strange restlessness you get when your sixth sense tells you someone is watching you. And that is how I knew he was there, watching me.
I was not afraid, but rather, uneasy. I never called for help, never told anyone. Perhaps a part of me felt like there was a possibility I had gotten so majorly depressed that my mind started conjuring hallucinations. There was no need to bother people with something that was likely a figment of my imagination.
And so it went on, night after night - him watching me, me watching him watching him."
-
8 March 2016, Tuesday
It feels like ages since I've last written. Starting a new diary because I seem to have lost my old one. God I hope my parents don't find it. Actually, I really hope no one finds it and I've just misplaced it somewhere. It's so me to be careless and useless like this. I'm a goner if anyone finds my deepest darkest thoughts, especially my parents and the people I call my 'best friends'.
*sigh* Sometimes my life feels like a monochrome, devoid of any colour. Black and white, just like the keys of the piano I love. Everyday, I go to school, come home and revise then sleep. Everyday is a monotonous routine that drains me so much. You won't believe how hard it is to drag myself out of bed every morning, to drag myself to school.
Every morning, I search for signs that the day is going to be a good day. I don't know what I'm looking for - a rainbow, mum's special omelette for breakfast, even my parents nagging me a little less is a good sign. I tell myself it's going to be a better day. 'Maybe today, my friends will criticise me less. Maybe today, my parents won't go off at me again.' But everyday is the same dark cycle. It's like the sun has set and never risen in my life. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. Is there a meaning to this life?
I don't know if I'm going crazy. These past few nights, I feel like there's someone watching me in the dark as I lay in bed. Tossing in bed for hours before I can finally fall asleep isn't a new thing to me. But this is the first time I've had hallucinations. It's the same thing every night. After I switch off my bedroom lights and climb into bed, after a while, I'll get the same feeling - that someone's watching. I wasn't scared, just uneasy. It's the tingle down your spine, that restlessness and uneasiness you get when you feel like someone has their eyes on you.
And last night, I finally saw him, a shadow in the dark, the barely visible silhouette of a person. I lay in bed, barely daring to breathe. I think he knew I was watching him back too. (I think it's a he because he looked tall and masculine, but I can't be sure, so for the purpose of this entry I'll just have to assume its gender heh) So that night, I lay in bed, watching him watch me, until I finally fell asleep.
My mind is brimming with questions. Who, or rather, what is he, it? What does he want from me? Is it just my mind playing tricks on me? Although I've had this same paranoid feeling the past few nights, this is the first time I've actually seen something. I've never had any supernatural experiences before, so I doubt it's a ghost or evil spirit of some sort.
I tried to google 'dark person in the shadows' and got a lot of search results for 'shadow people'. Apparently they're shadow beings thirsty for blood as they can't be reborn without it. Not even halfway through the article I got so scared I just exited Chrome. Please don't be some bloodthirsty evil being. My heart is racing and my skin is crawling even as I write this. I hate how easily scared of paranormal things I am.
I'm just going to end this entry here because all this paranormal talk is scaring me more than I'd like. It's almost 2am in the morning. Time to sleep, or try, I guess. I wonder if he will come again tonight?
-
"And that night, he was there again, watching me. And the night after that. And all the nights following. He became a regular, my visitor in the dark. Never closer but also never further, just out of reach at the edge of my room. Slowly, I grew less scared of him, even started to enjoy the company. He is the dark, the darkness is my friend, I told myself. At least, unlike everyone in my life, he has yet to make me feel sad. Falling asleep under his watch pretending I had a guardian angel, that was one of the better memories I had of my darkest days."