"Lower."
Carefully resting my outstretched right hand on top of the left one such that they formed barely overlapping surfaces in front of my chest, I willed my entire upper body to gradually shift so that my forehead could touch the back of my hands in a ritualistic bow.
"Lower still," the head court servant coaching me reminded, gingerly using two fingers to further lower my arms.
I repeated the action, reminding myself to keep each angle stiff and proper as I willed my neck, arms, and back to work in unison.
"Your Highness must move such that there is grace and less rigidity," she spoke, tapping the base of my shoulders. "Again."
Every muscle ached after a morning's practice, and each time I bent down, the building strain in my neck worsened. After hours of raising my arms in a still manner, they began to visibly shake. Especially, whenever I would rest my forehead on them, they threatened to give away to the weight.
Even so, the same movement became engrained.
"Your Highness, straighten up," the court servant sighed. "You must think Your Humble Servant to be nagging for saying this again, but Your Humble Servant must repeat that Your Highness is expected to perform this whenever you encounter the Prince of Jin."
She took the moment to correct my drooping forearms.
"No matter it be in the bed chambers or the formal hall, if Your Highness encounters the Prince of Jin, you are expected to perform such a ritualistic bow. Along the same note, if Your Highness encounters any other member of the direct imperial family, such actions are necessary as well."
For a barbarian country who knows so few words, they certainly prided themselves too much on empty rituals. But I suppose that such a bow wasn't horrible in my case. The Sui emperor had ordered for all officials to perform formal kowtows to all imperial princes upon encountering them, so I suppose I should have been thankful for not needing to dip my head to the ground each time I met my supposed husband.
Thinking back to how I had been mocked for doing so in front of the Liang emperor, such actions were quite the insult. To think of a seasoned court minister getting on his knees to greet a five-year-old prince—the very thought was an insult.
No, I had to maintain my favors, I reminded myself, gritting my teeth as I repeated the bow once more.
I cast a look at A'Huan who was standing in front of a sunlit window, every bit as suffering like me. Beads of sweat dripped down her face as her eyes narrowed to block out the blinding golden rays.
If I bowed down, it meant that countless citizens of Liang will not have to. If the Prince of Jin wanted surface-level submission, he would have it.
Finally, after a hard-earned nod of approval, she handed me a round silk fan. It bore no designs, plain as plain could be.
"Now, let's move to the bow for the marriage ceremony itself. The marriage ceremony is in five days. It is empirical for Your Highness to fully grasp it."
I breathed in, bracing myself for countless more hours of practice.
"Hold the fan in front—"
"New Sister-In-Law!" A soft cry pierced the hall, and a small shadow strode into the room. Seeing that there was a crowd of maids gathered, A'Wu cleared her throat, gathering herself and painting on a more poised face.
Immediately, the head court servant dipped into a curtsy, following the ritual to pure perfection. I would be lying to say that I didn't envy her poise.
"Princess Lanling, Your Humble Servant must finish these lessons today before reporting back to the empress and continuing with yours." Even as she spoke, none of her body shook. I wondered how she could maintain such a high level of skill.
"Mother Empress had sent me with a private message for the Liang Princess," A'Wu responded, a fleeting twinge of guilt flying across her face. "Plus, I wanted to consult with you later about the bow I should perform at Second Brother's Name Changing Ceremony."
With a flick of her wrist, she dismissed the court servants, leaving only her personal maid and A'Huan along with the two of us.
For the past few days, if it wasn't for A'Wu, I wouldn't have been able to catch a breath of fresh air. She would stop in for a brief moment, vowing that it was escape from her mother's watch and rambling on about how her Second Brother was the best man in the world before slipping out again.
Seeing everyone dismissed, A'Wu bounced over with her toy bunny, a completely different girl than the serious one from a moment ago.
Although I had only known her for a short time, I must admit that she became the closest to a friend I've had for years. Quite frankly, her bubbly personality made it hard for anyone to dislike her.
"New Sister-In-Law, how many times do I have to remind you! Stop daydreaming before you even see my Second Brother's face!"
"Your second brother surely can't be as handsome as the famous Prince Gao," I teased her, knowing that she would immediately jump to his defenses. At times, I would forget that this man she nearly worshipped was to become my future husband.
"Well, for starters, he's dead, and my brother isn't. Plus, you'll love my brother and not him." She continued talking on and on, and I near-regretted asking her the question in the first place.
But there was a strange familiarity with her flood of words, and for a brief moment, I saw my aunt in place of her. If A'Wu just added an "aiya" once in a while, in such moments, I could see her as the exact mirror image of my aunt.
Unknowingly, I must have let a smile slip.
"New Sister-In-Law! I caught you smiling about Second Brother! I knew I was onto something!" A'Wu jumped up triumphantly, scooting closer as her eyes lit up. "I swear, other than how he's always busy, there's nothing wrong about him."
I tried to pry some details about what her second brother liked so that I could better appeal to him, but strangely enough, A'Wu's mouth was tight whenever I brought such a topic up as she claimed that "New Sister-In-Law has plenty of time to find out for herself."
It was in these moments that the metal emblem I kept in my inner cloak would weigh down heavier than ever.
The man A'Wu so desperately wanted me to love did not want me as wife. And just when the news came in that the Prince of Jin would be delaying his return to Chang'An, he would further remind me of that fact yet again.
If anything, as much as A'Wu willed this marriage to succeed, he desperately wanted it to fail. Our marriage was destined to be as the ritual—imbalanced from the start—an insult after insult.