*
[JieMi]
JieMi was mortified by everything, so damn fucking embarrassed that he'd burst into tears, unable to keep it all in together. He'd been keeping the tears down for so damn long that when he started crying, he just couldn't fucking stop. It was a leaky faucet that refused to stop flowing. And he was so ashamed of himself and his actions, so damn disappointed by everything he'd done. He hated himself and that hatred had transformed into a sickness in his belly and a pounding in his head.
His soul burned, a deep inner ache within his chest that pulsated with his thoughts.
He could not have Amber.
He could not have Amber.
There was no way he could have her.
And whatever they'd experienced then in the locker had been a lie, an illusion, a fucking fantasy that he'd forced upon her. A fantasy that he wanted more than anything, a dream that his heart longed for, but his mind continued to deny. And— No, no. He didn't want Amber, he was just sad because Ha-Eun rejected him, because Ha-Eun didn't help him. He was just disappointed with Ha-Eun nothing more, nothing less.
It was all just one big fucking mistake.
And he was confused, so damn fucking confused over the emotions that bubbled within his body—a boiling stew on the stove. He didn't know what he was feeling, he didn't know what to do with his feelings, and everything was just a chaotic mess of wrongdoings. His mind was heavy with his sadness, and his heart was filled with his pain.
Did he really like Amber or was this all just the soul bond? Were these artificial feelings brought forth by his depleted soul? Was the pain just a signal from his soul? Was the sadness just a symptom of his rejection? He didn't know what was real and what was not, didn't know what to trust now that his heart was controlled by his soul. He just wanted to go home and go back to sleep.
But where was his home?
Did he even have a home?
He felt like shit.
The tears were still dripping from the corners of his eyes, and he tried to hide it, shaking his head so that his fringe sat heavy over his eyes. He let his dizzy head rest on Amber's shoulder because he hoped that it would calm the turbulent storm in his head. He let her lace their fingers together, let himself sink into the warmth that spewed from her touch because it should fix everything. The confusion, the pain, the sorrow.
But it didn't, and he was still crying.
He was mortified by his tears, but they just couldn't seem to stop. And he was just so, so tired of everything. He cracked open his eye when the car stopped, tried desperately to get up and walk on his own, but swayed and stumbled back into his soulmate's arms when the world spun. Her arms were always, always so warm and the soft, scent of home, apple pie and all sorts of yummy things, wafted from her frame.
"Hey, hey, careful," she said and he refused to look at her, averting his eyes to the ground, afraid of what his heart would do if he saw her then.
Oliver jumped out from the front seat, hurriedly looping his arm around his shoulder with worry in his eyes. His brows were furrowed when he caught sight of the tears and JieMi looked down, hoping his older brother would drop the topic. Please don't talk about it, please. He begged. He would break if they asked if he was okay or not. He was okay. He just needed to pretend he was okay, he needed to tell himself that he was okay…
"Are you okay?" Oliver mumbled softly and his tears only flowed faster at his words, soft sobs escaping clenched teeth. His older brother grew alarmed, holding him tightly into an almost embrace, rubbing his back with quick gentle strokes. "Oh no. JieMi, don't cry, it's okay. Nobody is angry at you for anything, you don't have to be scared."
Lies, so many lies. They were all angry, they had the right to be.
"Our JieMi, why are you so sad. It's okay." MinJae soothed, dabbing his eye with a tissue as he stroked his head, rubbing his sides. And JieMi felt so young again in their embrace, his mind reminding him of the days when they were just newbies in the industry.
They would always protect him whenever they could, the team wrapping him into their bear hugs whenever he cried. JieMi rarely cried, but when he did his older brothers would cry with him from worry. And JieMi didn't want them to worry about him, he never wanted them to worry. They shouldn't worry about him. He didn't deserve their concern.
They carried him to their dormitory with his soulmate trailing behind him. His heart pounded faster when they opened the door, fear coursing through his veins at the thought of facing them all after what he had done. JieMi squeezed his eye shut when he felt the stares of his best friends on his person, unable to look at them all in the eye, but he could feel their gaze burning into his skin.
He felt like a convict facing his judgement.
"What's wrong?" He could hear Hikaru's voice from the kitchen as he was carried to his room. The concern bright in the voice of the oldest and JieMi stared down at the floor, his body tensing at his words.
"He's still very weak from the soul bond. He resisted for too long," his soulmate explained, "He might be a little dehydrated too." Her voice grew softer as the door to his room was closed, and he couldn't hear the conversation anymore but his ears identified the voices of Sieon, Casper and Ezra.
He gulped at the thought, biting his lips as he wondered what they were talking about. Was she telling them about what he did? Were they angry at him again? Would they hate him even more? He was laid down onto the bed by his brothers and he watched drowsily as Oliver picked out a pair of pyjamas from his closet.
His heart quickened when Ezra entered with a wet cloth and a bowl, his lips trembling as MinJae took it from him. He didn't dare look at the older guy, relaxing a little when the door finally closed once again. The tears that dripped down his cheeks disappearing with his fear.
"I'm going to just wipe you down, okay? You're all sweaty and sticky." MinJae explained as he soaked the cloth, brushing it over his temples and over his body in quick strokes. JieMi let them only because he was too weak to resist but protested when they tried to take off his pants, not wanting them to see his swollen cock.
"It's okay, we get it," Oliver teased, his voice mischievous but soft. "We're just going to change your pants, not going to look at you. We promise. I know it's a little embarrassing but it's nothing we've not seen before." JieMi flushed, blushing a little at their chuckles. When he was younger, he'd been afraid of letting them see his nakedness, but eventually that shame ebbed away over time.
"I have a penis too." MinJae poked his cheek, a grin on his lips. "We're all men here. You have nothing we don't have."
He complied with their words, let them slip off his pants but grew embarrassed when their breath hitched in their throats at the sight. They lied they were looking! He whined, making a sound as he tried to sit up to get the pants that they'd laid out for him.
"Relax, it's just really, really red. You might have friction burn." Oliver soothed, pushing him down with a gentle pat against his naked chest. The two men exchanged glances and MinJae frowned, biting his lips.
"Hold on, I'll go get a healing cream."
It took a while for him to get dressed again, his brothers insisting that he applied the cream first. It was embarrassing but they turned away for him, eyes to the wall when he had to stroke his cock and weakly pull up his pants. They left when he was done, and it was only then when Amber entered with a tray of food, her hair wet from a shower and her cheeks red from the hot water.
"Hello, you look a little better," she greeted with a smile that should only be seen by the people who loved her. And God she was so damn fucking beautiful that his heart skipped a nervous beat. His eyes widening just a little at the sight of her pretty pink cheeks, the shade of quartz and cotton candy. He bit his lips, nibbling on it as she took a seat beside him, placing the tray of food upon a small foldable bed table.
It was a creamy chicken stew with mini jacket potatoes, an assortment of vegetables and crispy digestive biscuits. The food looked good, maybe a little too good, and his belly rumbled, something he'd forgotten was possible after so long. He grabbed the spoon, weakly bringing it to his lips but his fingers trembled, and his head swirled, eyes going dark with green spots when he leaned forward too fast. He sank back down into the pillows, breathing hard as he blinked away the fainting spell.
Fuck, he hated this.