"Lie back, I'll feed you." She took the spoon from his fingers, blowing on the broth gently before bringing it to his lips. JieMi cleared his throat, weakly shaking his head. He couldn't bother her like that, not after everything he'd done.
"I-I can do it myself—"
"You can't, so just let me feed you." She raised a brow, pointing to the mess he'd made on the table from his trembling fingers. "Unless you plan to spill half of your stew over the bed."
JieMi licked his lips nervously, considering his options. And the lack thereof. She brought the spoon to his lips and then he let her feed him, opening his mouth obediently as his eyes remained glued to her frame.
He expected some kind of distaste, a disgruntlement from her that she had to feed someone she hated. But there was nothing in her expression, but kindness and warmth. Her actions were never hasty, a forceful push of metal pass his lips, a clumsy shovel of food into his mouth. The spoon to his lips was always gentle and soft, and when soup leaked from his lips, she dabbed it away with a napkin that she held on hand.
And while she ate, she talked to distract his mind. She talked about school, about art, about her dreams to become an artist, about her hopes in life. She talked about her past, about her parents, about her life. And JieMi listened as he ate, his disordered mind calming with her words, his thoughts quelling as she talked as if it were normal to feed him, as if she didn't mind caring for him. And before he knew it, he was done with his food, sipping on a bottle of honey water to clear his throat.
"Scoot over," she'd said after that, pilling the empty dishes on his study table. He blinked, confused by her request but he did, letting her into his bed, and she took him then into a cuddle, pulling his body into her embrace, with his head on her arm.
"W-why are you—"
"If you want to get better than just let me do my thing," she explained. "And I'm okay with doing this for you, it feels good for me too. It'll help you get better. If you want, you can think of it as mutual benefit." She patted his side and his nose twitched, ears quivering at her words. He did want to get better and she was right, this was the only way for him to get rid of that stupid rabbit hybrid soul bond.
This and sex.
He blushed at the thought, tail shaking excited at the prospect. No, no. He couldn't. He flinched when thunder roared in the distant and rain began to fall, pattering heavily against his window. The air in the room only grew colder, and he found himself surrendering into her hug for warmth, quivering a little from the shock of the sound. He gasped when her cold feet found his, icy blocks of flesh against his warm ones.
She laughed. "Sorry, couldn't help it. You're all nice and toasty warm." She explained with a shrug, as she patted his back. "Go to sleep." But he couldn't sleep, not with her beside him, not with his heart pounding in his chest at her touch. He wondered then if her heart was pounding, if she could feel his heart racing in his chest. He grew self-conscious at that thought, begging in his head for his heart to calm down.
"I can't sleep," he whispered, his heart warm and so, so full from her gentle caresses. "Not with everything on my mind."
"We can talk if you're up for it." She stroked his hair, running her fingers over his rabbit ears. "We can talk about your feelings if you want. You might feel better if you didn't keep it all inside." He pursed his lips at her words, feeling strangely calmer than ever in her presence. And the guilt finally pushed him to speak, his selfishness begged him to give her his reasons so that she would understand his side of the story.
"I didn't wait for you, not because I didn't want you, but because I was scared." He looked away from her brown eyes. "I was afraid of disappointment and rejection. And Ha-Eun—" His stomach churned at the thought of talking about her in front of his soulmate. He paused, faltering a little, worried for Amber's feelings.
"You can talk about her, I don't mind," she soothed.
"She was my mentor and the person who gave me the confidence to continue pursuing my dreams. She helped me a lot, bought me food when I couldn't afford it, took care of me when I couldn't take the stress of it all. She loves me," he explained frantically, although his words did feel a little wrong in his mouth, his heart strangely cold.
He continued quickly. "We started officially dating after she realised that she didn't have a soulmate. It just seemed to be the right time for me…I couldn't reject her, not with how much pain I knew she was experiencing. I wanted to help her, and so we started dating. And I was really happy with her. She knew me, and she knew what I was experiencing in the industry. And she was happy so I was happy too. I-I hated seeing her cry and it just didn't feel right—"
"I see."
JieMi grew desperate at her words, turning his head to look at Amber. "I know that with you here, I can't be with her. I know that it's making me sick, but I…" His words grew choked in his throat as he struggled to speak. "I don't know how I can leave her, and I can't because I—"
"Don't worry, I understand, I really do." Amber appeased with gentle pats on his back and his panic reduced with her words. "You have nothing to worry. It's okay, I'm okay. If you want to put it simply, I have six of them, and I'm sure our souls will be fine if we're friends."
"R-really?"
"Yeah, we could be neighbours in the future. You could come over for tea whenever you want." She smiled, but his heart fell at his words, solemn and sad. "Our kids could be friends, yeah?" And his heart dropped at her words, stomach churning as the fear caught him by the throat and begged him to speak.
"A-Amber, I—" But he couldn't speak, his voice lodged in his throat as he stared up at her helplessly. He would hurt her more if he told her the truth, and God. She didn't deserve it. His pain, his suffering, his anguish.
"I got you all riled up, I'm sorry. You should sleep." She picked up her phone, turning it over. "I'll distract you with a show, any requests?" JieMi shook his head, his thoughts a mess as he stared into space, eyes wet with tears. She stroked his head, pressing a gentle kiss into his hair and he froze, eyes widening at her action.
"Don't cry, you'll make me sad too." She hummed softly, running her fingers through his hair and he only began to sob harder, finding himself overwhelmed by her love. But his soulmate only brushed his tears away with a napkin, cooing words of soft encouragement.
A girl had never taken care of him like this before, and his heart couldn't take the contrast. As a man, he shouldn't cry, he should be caring for her, he should be the one pampering her, and she'd told him that. But Amber didn't seem to care about social rules and the things the world said. She was just kind and sweet and—
"Let's watch this together, okay? I'll stay here until you fall asleep, I promise." She turned on a documentary, one with soft music and majestic scenery. And as they watched, she stroked his head, brushing her fingers over his ears that twitched and quivered with delight under her touch.
He felt so warm and safe then in her embrace, full with food in his belly. And the sound of her soft breathing and the pattering of rain lulled him back into sleep. His sick body eagerly entering Lalaland as he bathed in a sea of gold. And then he had the best sleep he'd ever had in his life.