All eyes turned to her and she had never wished for the floor to swallow her whole as much as she did now. Her breath hitched, her eyes unable to leave Sieon's because she knew she would cry if she looked at them all. She could feel their gaze burning into her skin, the memory of burning skin from her dream strong in her mind.
Sieon continued brazenly, stupidly unaware of her inner turmoil. "I wanted to introduce you to Minnie! This is absolutely perfect!" He pulled the person behind him and her eyes met those of her greatest nightmare.
The shock and confusion on his face would have been comical to her if not for the fact that she wanted to vomit the minute her eyes drifted over his face. She would hate her body later but MinJae was just as pretty.
He was just as lovely and just as beautiful as what she remembered and her soul—it erupted into flames, burning so hot and so painful that she couldn't help but gasp.
It needed him.
"Amber, Minnie. Minnie, Amber. She's the girl I was telling you all about! The girl I love!"
And the shit hit the fan that spun at the highest speed it could ever go.
The silence that followed was deafening and endless.
It stretched for too long, each second another moment of internal suffering. Amber could feel the blood pulsating within her body, each squeeze of her heart sending a gush of blood through her system and it was pounding quickly. Her heart was racing. Racing faster than ever, so fast that her body clamped up in its panic.
It was as if she were turning to stone, as if her muscles were melting away, her joints turning into solid bone. She could not move, could not breathe. All she could do was stare.
She wasn't looking at them per se, but her eyes absorbed the scene, registering the silhouettes of the five men before her. Was she breathing? Amber didn't know. She wanted to scream, wanted to speak, wanted to be able to think so that she could prepare for what was to come.
But her head felt as if it were submerged within the depths of an ocean of dark murky waters, her thoughts? They were the oxygen that bubbled away from her, too fast for her to be able to catch them in her hands. All she could do was stare at the monster at the bottom of the sea, her eyes locked with his own dark brown.
MinJae was beautiful, the prettiest of men. Even in his raw, unprepared state. He was devastatingly gorgeous from the downward slant of his thick eyelashes to the pout of his naturally plump lips.
His cheeks were flushed a rosy pink from the cold, a colour that dusted prettily across his adorable cheeks and unfurled across the bridge of his nose. He'd lost another ton of weight from his body, shedding another layer of fat from his already skinny frame and Amber's heart twinged at the sight.
The sorrow had never left her soulmate and it clung to him like a cloud over his shoulders. The sadness of her angel could only be described as akin to the weight of metaphorical broken wings on his back. His shoulders slumped and his body was dragging with each step from the burden of being unable to fly.
She couldn't describe why or how, but in his sorrow, Ryu MinJae exuded a different kind of beauty. A sad sort of beauty that made him so much more—human. But that part of Amber, the one which didn't cower in fear of the future, wanted to see her fairy prince smiling brightly from the bottom of his heart.
The other part of her, couldn't care less whether he smiled or not because she was afraid.
Fear overtook her and dragged her mind down further into the depths of the deep sea. It held her captive, like the pull of a hidden current, taking her deeper into the darkness of her mind.
The fear that spilled into her bloodstream created adrenaline that spread through her system much faster than it normally would due to her increased heart rate. She was suddenly extremely alert, her eyes taking in the entire situation with the gush of natural chemicals from her fight or flight response.
Amber didn't want to be able to see the entire scene in its full light, no. She didn't want to see the expression of each of her soulmates; didn't want to be able to remember everything they would be saying because she knew this scene would haunt her forever. This was a grave that she had dug for herself and now she had to lie in the mess she'd made.
But she saw it all from the corners of her eyes.
The smile on Sieon's lips. The wideness of Ezra's eyes. The dance of muscle in Hikaru's jaw. The dimple in Casper's chin. The clench of Oliver's fists. The shift of JieMi's weight. The furrow of MinJae's brow.
She watched, unable to really believe her eyes at the situation as MinJae's left eye twitched. She watched with a twisted kind of fascination as he squinted at her, droopy almonds focusing on her features and recognition flooded across his face.
It was a relaxation of his muscles from the twisted, pinch of his face to a gape of his cute mouth. His eyes widened just a little and she could almost see his mind connecting all the damn dots from the glint in his eyes. The confusion transformed into steady recognition and—Oh God.
In some twisted sense, she'd cheated on them all and the guilt that boiled within her was a testament to that fact. The feeling suffocated her. Whatever it was, it choked her with thin wispy fingers, preventing the oxygen from entering her lungs.
It was as if her ribs were tightly bound by layers and layers of rope, clamping against the fleshy outer skin of her lungs and preventing its expansion. Coupled with the inability to breathe was the weight of her actions, the voices that repeated in her head were like blows and punches to her midsection. Each attack was a violent push against her diaphragm forcing the air out of her already constricting lungs.
She could not breathe with the knowledge of what she'd done. Amber's eyes stung with the onslaught of incoming tears. She was weighed down by the horrors of what she'd essentially done to each one of them and her heart screamed at her to apologise because the apology might free her from this suffering.
But life was never that easy.
Amber's fingers shook and the chopsticks dropped from her fingers. It clattered noisily onto the counter. The resounding sound was too loud, too loud in the silence of that apartment. It rang, echoing across the apartment, ringing in her head again and again. The sound called for even more attention. Attention that she did not want.
If they had not been looking at her, they must be now due to the sound she had just made. Her clumsiness made her even more aware of their eyes on her, of their thoughts swirling in their head. She could feel them staring, staring, staring.
What were they thinking?
Her stomach twisted, lurching and coiling in her panic. Nausea crept up her throat. She wanted to vomit.
"You..." The confusion was thick in MinJae's voice.
The sound a sour tang to the delicious caramel of his pretty dulcet voice. She could hear the questions in his words and when her eyes curiously flickered to his face. She was stupefied by his expression.
The neutral, the curiosity, it transformed. It dissolved and darkened like the drop of ink into a glass of water, it consumed. His eyes turned into shards of ice that bit into her skin, his lips pressed into a thin line of hostility and perhaps more importantly—
—Recognition.
Oh Fuck.
"You know each other?" Sieon piped out. His low voice was awkward in the silence. Amber gratefully took the cue to look at him, but her breath hitched when their eyes met.
His beguiling doe eyes reflected the questions in his mind. They glistened, pleading with her to answer him. Tell me how you know each other. His eyes said. Please tell me what happened. She swallowed, her expression stiff.
She couldn't bring herself to smile, her lips unable to even move. She was stuck frozen, like a rabbit in sight of its hunter, trapped in her situation with only the thump of her heart in her head for company.
She was fucked and it was all her fault.
"We've...met," MinJae replied, his voice stiff and pitched with his underlying threat.
The pretty voice of his, usually sweet and gentle, was laced with his lack of trust for her and his hostility. The pretty treat was like hard candy that concealed a droplet of deadly poison. She could hear his words in his tone. I'm watching you. He said. I'm watching you and if you step out of line I will not hesitate to go against you.
Amber resisted the urge to flinch and run, her fingers digging into her seat. MinJae didn't continue at that, but she could almost feel him breathing down her neck, daring her to speak. Like a viper, he was coiled, ready to pounce and strike her at any moment. He was simply testing the waters, Amber realised. He didn't want to offend Sieon because Sieon had confessed his love for her.
She gulped, she didn't feel so good.
Sieon cocked his head to the side, his eyes narrowing as he glanced at his best friend, definitely catching the darkness in his voice. His eyes flickered to hers and he shot her another look which she avoided with a downturn of her eyes. His frown deepened, and his lips pursed into a thin line, a thoughtful line. Even the most emotionally stunted of people would be able to read the tension in the air.
She was in this too deep and there was no escape.
Sieon shook his head, beaming as he reached into his bag. The rustle of plastic sounded ominous and it felt as if everyone were holding their breaths. He raised the container to her with a bright smile on his face and the rattle of baked goods could be heard from within the plastic depths.
The Amber of a few days ago would have clapped her hands excitedly at the prospect of food, but now her stomach recoiled. The scent of chocolate and cookies that spilled in the air made the nausea in her stomach stronger than before. It didn't help that the stew Oliver had made sloshed in her stomach, churning with her fear.
"I made this for you with Hikaru!" Sieon chirped, his eyes tender as he spoke. They dripped with his adoration for her and Amber found herself feeling unworthy of his loving gaze. He beamed, flashing a pretty set of pearly white teeth. "I wanted to give it to you the next time we met but you can get it fresh now."
Was this really happening? She could picture herself, sinking into quicksand, her body steadily disappearing the more Sieon spoke.
She wanted to tape up his damned mouth.
"Sieon..."
The soft gasp from Hikaru made her jump in her seat. She nervously peeked at her oldest soulmate, noticing that he wasn't even looking at her. His eyes were wide with his horror as he stared at Sieon, he was shaking, his body trembling like a quaking leaf in the wind.
"You said it was for your girlfriend..." Hikaru echoed out, his voice hitching as something within him spilt open. His emotions flickered with each hitch of sound that escaped his trembling lips.
Shock, confusion, horror and just a tinge of betrayal.