Shi grumbled as she got out of the house in anger and started walking towards her destination. The place where she had to go to was an empty office near the business district of the city.
When she realised that her destination was a rough half an hour walk, she decided to treat this walk as her therapy and cool of from all the anger that was inside of her.
As she neared the gates she saw one of the guards she met on the day she signed the certificate. When he saw her he politely wished her,
"Good morning young madam. Where are you going? Should I call for a taxi to take you? "
Shi politely refused him,
"There is no need for that. I am going on a personal errand and would probably be late."
Saying this she exited fearing that he may ask her more questions regarding her 'personal errand'.
*****
Now fifteen minutes into the walk Shi had calmed down as she started to analyse the incidents that took place in the morning.
She agreed that she may have blown things out of proportion by yelling at Yang when she knew that it was not his fault.
It was just that she was suddenly reminded of that accident when Yang started to pressure her to take a driver.
She may not agree to it but she knew somewhere deep in her heart that she was still traumatized from the accident which resulted in the loss of her dear Mama.
The only person who loved Shi with no strings attached and cared for her as if she was her greatest jewel, which her mother told her that she was.
After that incident she had knowingly and unknowingly started to build walls around her heart. She was afraid to let anyone enter there and make themselves at home permanently.
She knew that she needed time like all do. Time to be okay with being okay, because sometimes feeling right after feeling so wrong for so long, is the hardest thing to get used to.
It even took her dearest brothers and grandfather a good five year to enter in there and now they were surely not going to leave.
Shi knew that Yang was a nice person.
He really was, by how much she had observed him in the limited time that she got she was sure that he meant no harm to her and that is the reason why she felt a bit relaxed when he was near, she knew that he would try to protect her if anything happened to her.
But she was afraid to grow close to him.
She always felt like she did not deserve to be loved.
What if she grew close to him and something happened to him in the future and he had to leave her, would she be able to survive then? She hoped and wished not to find the answer to this specific question.
Her love for her brothers was different.
For her they were her saviours, they had saved her from the extremely dark place she was in.
They told her that they would continue to love her no matter how coldly she responds to them, she herself was not sure when but she too had gradually started to love them.
It was not a love which happens overnight. It was a love that took five years to appear and then continued to blossom and was still blossoming till date and she was sure that it will also blossom in the future.
She checked her watch to see that she was walking for the past twenty minutes and could now see the bustling area crowded with busy people as they moved around.
She had made up her mind.
Today when she gets back to the villa she planned on telling Yang not to have any hopes for her. For she was a person who did not want to fall in love.
She did not wish to give him false hope as to if she could love him someday. She was not that mean as to give someone false hope and take up his time when he could use it to actually find the love of his life and she was sure as hell that she was not the 'one' for him.
Even if love was staring her straight into the face she would choose to ignore it and treat it like air.
Because that was the kind of person she was.
A guarded person who did not want love or to be loved by someone.