Hey guys Long time no chapter.
Ok so this is a generalised posting for both my ongoing Novels, Star Wars Wrath of the Force and Spider man Duty and Loss.
First off, 3 or 4 months ago I planned out both novels and when I say that, I mean I planned out what I needed to write or an outline of what I needed to write to finish up Spider man and complete the next star wars chapter in detail.
Spider man:
Now when I say finish Spider-Man, I mean that literally, going from its current chapter to the end of Ultron where the novel will end, no ifs, ands or buts. (Maybe if I ever get that done I'll continue story in another novel, But chances of that are really, really small.) In total there are 20 scenes (Chapters) to write, averaging at about 1-2k per scene as usual, I might have to do more Scenes as when writing inspiration can strike and suddenly add extra words or ideas.
Star wars: In regards to Star wars there were actually around 16 scenes that needed to be written to finish the chapter. This one is trickier to tell length wise as for this novel some scenes can last closer to 4k words down to 1k. With how everything is connected in the chapter I would the chapter would clock in at around 20-25k words.
Now on average I take 1 hour to write and then edit 1k words, sometimes longer.
I want to let that sink in here for a second as I do the maths.
To finish up Spider man it would only take me around 1 day of total time (Guessing that each scene is only 1k words) to actually write everything, maybe quicker if I was on a roll. It wouldn't even take me a month if I was to space my time out and put out chapters at a fast rate.
To finish up the next Star Wars Chapter it would take me around 25 hours, which like about would probably be only just over a month maybe quicker if, as I said, I was on a roll.
Now why haven't you guys gotten updates or a chapter in a long time? Honestly I can't bring myself to sit down and write using my time in that manner (And I mean write anything). I haven't wanted to or written anything since my last chapter post 4 months ago, which I then followed up by planning this all out.
I don't know exactly when this feeling started to grow and happened, but around the start of 2020, right near when covid hit, I just started losing my interest to write, finding less and less time I wanted to spend in front of my computer doing such a thing. Every time I think of sitting down for an hour or two to get something to page I just do something, anything, else.
Now I know this is just me thinking this and doing it to myself, and it is only one of the reasons (I also reconnected with a friend and started playing games with him and socialising more), but I do think in part it's the 'pressure to put something out' that is affecting me. I put a ridiculous amount of stress on myself to put something out, (or I did), when you guys are waiting for a chapter and at some point it got too much for me and I just stopped everything.
(This guilt then came back and got me to write the Spider-Man chapter 4 months ago and especially when I crammed for a straight week of writing to get a Christmas Chapter out for my star wars novel. Yes I wrote that 20k or so chapter in 4-5 days. I just sat down for like 5 hours straight each day, having a guilty feeling weigh on me to get the chapter out.)
I still take some joy in writing, but definitely not enough anymore to get myself to sit down and do this for you guys and I'm sorry about that, really it eats at me sometimes.
Honestly this message might have been a bit different a week ago, I have been thinking about putting this out for a while, but have been chickening out all that time, thinking about how I'm going to tell you that I'm quitting writing or something along those lines. Or that is what I thought until recently.
1 Week ago, I was at work a million ideas flying through my mind on different stories, novel ideas, DC, High School DxD, RWBY, Soul Land ect. Finally one idea got stuck and I couldn't get it out of my head, like it stuck with me for the full 8 hours and I started writing it in my head. When I got home I couldn't help but sit down and write it.
I sat down and quickly wrote out a 4k chapter, it came to me easier than I thought, my fingers flying across the keyboard. Took me a while but I finished it. The next day a different idea latched into my mind and I wrote that out as well, coming to just under 3k words. And surprise, surprise after doing that I suddenly didn't feel so intimidated or hesitant to actually write a scene for my Star Wars Novel.Wasn't big, only about 1.8k words, but it was something.
I realize that this pressure I put on myself and other factors scared me off on using my time to write something, or anything really but that when I write something it gets easier.
And there is the problem, for the last few months I haven't wanted to write for My Spider-Man or Star Wars Story (Hi insecurities here, but yeah I just know someone is going to call me weak or something for bending under negative pressure or comments) writing something else to get the ball rolling and not putting it out for me to worry about worked wonders in getting me to do something.
I know this isn't the message you guys are hoping for, (I know you want a actual chapter. Sorry again) honestly I could up and have no energy to write for Spider-Man or Star Wars in an instant, this just me trying to hype myself back into doing it.
But I'm going to try this method. I'm going to write down or start some ideas that have been swirling in my head for a long while and at the same time I honestly think this will help me in continuing my Spider man and Star wars writing.
It is my hope that this will work out and I'll get back into writing both of them, putting out what you guys have been waiting for, for a long time. But it might not be, it just might not work. Honestly I want all my readers to consider both the novels on Hiatus until I release something, I don't want to get your hopes up, but will at least be telling you guys what's going on here and now.
No I won't be releasing anything that I write, as mentioned I think that the expectation to continue the novel that I put on myself will turn me off continuing to write them and that will just repeat this cycle over and over again, leading know where or me completely quitting.
For anyone wondering, the things I'm writing on the side are small stories and smut, mainly for practise as I don't usually do that stuff, but yeah just novels that are carefree and slice of life, or hell even one-shots that pop into my head and think would be interesting ideas.
This is what's getting me to write and I can't do anything about that, thank you to all those that have been continuing to badger me about when the next chapter is going to be out, I know after reading this it may look like that doesn't help, but it reminds me about these stories I have created and how much I want to continue them and has gotten me to release stuff. Now that same persistence and my own mini revelation has at least given you guys some answers instead of leaving you hanging.
I also want to thank everyone that has supported the novel and left so many interesting comments over the months, I have loved seeing your guys reactions to the stuff I have written and hopefully you'll love the stuff that I somehow get out in the future.
I've been rambling a bit now, not really knowing what other to tell you than what is happening with me right now and where I'm at.
Also the reason why Spider-Man might take a while to come out seeing as it's not like my Star wars Novel is that I was going to finish the whole novel and then do a mass release for you guys. That didn't pan out at all but is still somehow what I plan to do, so next time you see a spider man chapter I will have either relented and released a chapter I've done or you'll get a mass release with the whole novel finished.
Zevren out and just….Tired.