Quietly pulling myself over a skyscraper's parapet walls, I let out a long, tired snort. This isn't really working out at all. I can't imagine it's going to get better. Whatever I was trying to do with Liadanann is gone. It burnt up completely. Or, looking off into the distance, maybe saying it turned to dust is more appropriate?
Whatever that thing's reasons for being around, it all ultimately comes back to me. I broke the glass that kept it locked away or I woke it up. It doesn't really matter, all the newstablets and their contents are a result of my anger. Anger that has its source in me, not wanting to let Larishazza go.
I... I'm... I do not know.
She died. There is no bringing her back. Much as my continued life defeats the idea of impossible resurrection, it is the work of fiction. My return was not luck or destiny, it was pure timing. If Kyarverin took one moment longer to drink his woes away or whatever it is he does, I would be gone.
I never would have met Larishazza, anyway. Liadanann would not know me and none of this would be happening. Yet, strangely, miserable as I am and hopeless as it seems... I cannot ever hold a knife again like I once did. Not like that night when Vadei walked in on me. Never again like that time.
"If I couldn't even pierce my shell with a blade back then, why would one now?" I question, darkly laughing the thought away. Well, I put it somewhere, anyway. Slipping the mask and hat off, I hang them on a piece of metal decoration and walk. Minding the edges of the rising height, I swivel mindlessly around.
I could go back to Liadanann and apologise for what I said, if it's even an option. I feel like every day I spend thinking about stuff like this, I lose out on that chance. Besides, I've lingered a close enough distance to her shop, hiding in the shadows of the dark. Standing around in the blinding light, my back to it while a grim gaze moves not even a twitch.
But, at the same time, I do not feel like she deserves anything from me. Her love is not something I want. I do not need it and no law requires me to accept it. Or, maybe- more likely, I do not deserve to give her mine. After all, who wants to love of someone who cannot even shift their head away from the dead?
Every day the moment Larishazza died grows more distant. Yet, by the time I forget about it, the world will become sand entirely on its own without that giant's help. Rising dunes of nothing for even the sand will be gone. Larishazza, I will never forget you.
Coming to a halt, I lock a foot into a gap and dangle. The wind feels different on my body this way. Nothing has actually changed, but it feels harsher, more dangerous. There's a lethality to it that I can never feel on stable ground.
Maybe I should follow this sensation all the way to my doom. Every time I think I am happy these days, I just think of Larishazza. I want to hold her; I want her to be mine and for her to say I am hers. But...
Shaking my head, I release my foot and throw my magic grip up. Springing back onto the roof with a huff of air and the rustle of my cloak, I pat myself down. Collecting my mask and hat, the welcome combo slip back onto my face and head, respectively. Follow danger to my doom, huh?
Vile rich as it is, it's probably what I deserve. The world will even cheer, if all the world believes the same thing, but I don't. I am probably wrong. With a lighter's flick, I scoff the idea away.
"Undwote, I have a feeling you will be seeing me again very soon." I comment, crossing my arms in the process. My eyes lock on the giant's advance and an image flashes back to me. The day it broke out of that mountain. That was the last time I ever saw or came close to holding Liadanann, actually.
Properly, anyway.
It's been nothing but bitterness and resentment since then, with neither of us willing to back down. Two beasts gnashing at each other from our cages while some greater power observes. I guess it's fitting. It's how we met, after all. Yet, what followed after is how we ended up the way we did, anyway.
I'm not sure how my life would've gone if Larishazza told me what she did before the attack. Maybe I'd be the same as I am now, unable to let go, or maybe I would have. Larishazza went into her coma before she could answer my question from the dance. I love you; I told her...
I still do.
"Tch, great. Polish a shit and have the God of gods' gift it to me in a golden box..." I wax out in annoyance, lifting my mask to wipe my teary eyes. A mechanical noise hits my ears, one closer than usual and different to the usual traffic of Thrurstradtur. Not that much of that traffic flies or drives around anymore, not for months now.
Flicking my wetted hand, I frown at the small airship as it lands on the unmarked roof. A man walks out, one in a military uniform of the former government. He takes no moment to catch his nerves and give them some backbone. They already have it and he marches to me, tablet in hand.
"Dark Crow, you are required at Suhurlodst. By the order of Grandguard Inerish, authorised by the Clockwork Council to wield the powers necessary to save this nation." he goes and I cock a brow slightly. There are still some who respect her enough to speak of her like that? Job centre was most certainly a den of insults and sneers.
Nodding in response, I look at the giant.
"Very well, she will have me." I answer with another nod and he gives me a salute, of all things.
"Head there immediately, things will be clarified when all have gathered." He explains, rushing back to the airship and slapping it like a stallion to rev it back into action. Shrugging my shoulders, I flex them limber and twist any stiffness that might be in me. I suppose here is my chance to make amends. With a final crack of the neck, I leap out into the sky and throw my arm back.