"So, what's the issue, Doctor...?" I ask the uniformed man while I sat on a formerly well-made hospital bed. Just like one Nin might have been in not too long ago. I even had my own just like everyone else did.
"Well, first off, congratulations."
"For what...?" I ask him before what he shows me horrifies me to my core. Did... Did I slip up that badly...? Why did it have to happen now!?
"You're going to be a mother. May Motrtha bless your future." he tells me before he starts to go to the door. Whatever he said to those on the other side, I did not care. I just, couldn't help but be disappointed in myself... I was usually so good at making sure this did not happen...
So why did I fail now!? Why did I fail right when I was paralyzed by the idea of eventually telling Nin no!? Actually, I wasn't even sure if I could say no... It made me so happy to see him happy and it worked with other emotions too...
As such, I was struggling with the idea of telling him no... Why would he want such an unapologetic slut like me as his girlfriend!? I have made no romantic commitments, ever! It always shot straight towards the best bit!
But, now... I had someone tell me sincerely and them not be my family as well! He cried and told me that he loved me... Someone like me...
And that behaviour I once felt no shame in suddenly made me indescribably angry. I was pregnant with some random student's child right before the deadline where I said yes... No... Yes!?
"Student Larishazza, are you alright?" the doctor asks me before I let my head be hidden behind my hands. I did not want anyone to look at me right now!
"N-No, I'm not!" I tried to tell him as my eyes started to water.
"Don't worry! It's normal to experience these kinds of things. I can get someone who can go into it a lot better than I can if you want? Being a mother is obviously something I could never do." he explains before he makes a bad joke.
"I... Just need some time alone."
"Of course, got to think of a name, haven't we?" he jokes once again before he leaves. And, when the door firmly shuts behind him. I start to sob uncontrollably.
"Dammit, Nin... Damn you... Why'd you have to ask such a question!? You stupid... Stupid..." I started to say before I lost myself in the crying. There was no way I could explain this to any of them... My sister knew of my habits, she has done for a long time... But the others!?
Not one of them had the slightest clue beyond maybe Rosie... Nin, though... It would break his heart as it dangled on such delicate strings... One wrong move and I would sever them forever...
I needed to be so careful that it caused me pain just thinking about it... And it hurt more than all the vomiting and restless nights ever could. Especially now... I don't know what I would do if I lost a friend like Nin...