"Dinner's ready..." I quietly mumbled to myself as I finished dishing it up. But, I did not eat any of it. I just carried on being quiet and stared at the empty spots around. My husband was not ahead of me, Conquei was not on the left and Vadei was not on the right
I was on my own, just like I had been all day since my plan failed. I had even left the doors and windows open, hoping the smell would bring one of them home. But, no, it had not done anything of the sort, by the looks of it. At least, that is what I was too willing to assume before I heard footsteps by the door.
It was Conquei, and she let her nose guide her weary feet. She even still sat down in her usual spot, and that eased some of my pain. I loved it so much that she still did that... I just wish she would speak to me...
"T-There you go, Dear." I tell her as I move some things I know she likes closer to her. And I tried my hardest to not react openly when she flinched at my actions. How could she not trust me...? I was her mother, I would never hurt her like the humans had!
Despite that initial reaction, though, my youngest daughter still sat down to eat. And I tried to eat some myself in an effort to enjoy the moment. However, I wasn't sure if I could when Vadei eventually appeared. Something was very wrong and a face I did not want to see again was back.
She was starting to look a little too like how she did on the airship. So I tried to get rid of it by offering her some of the food I know she liked. I even gave her a bigger portion of it, hoping it would do something. Yet, I did not get one smile or word of thanks.
She was borderline ignoring me and if it wasn't for the fact the food was here. I would not have been surprised and would have been very hurt by her going elsewhere. What I had origionally intended as a light-hearted meal had already been ruined. And, somehow, not a single word had been uttered.
So I took a sip from my flat cup and scrunched my face up a little at its contents. I did not want to have to resort to doing this, but, I needed something to ease my mind. It used to be how I did it, after all. I just, had a drink to calm myself.
And this time, I used some of my late Husband's human-made stuff. It was still not to my liking, but, it made me feel better. If only because it reminded me of when he tried to feed me the stuff before. He liked that, watching me try his special drinks only to spit it out over the floor.
Unlike all those times, however, I kept it in, "I actually managed to keep it down for once!" I say to my daughters, hoping that such memories could at least bring out a brief smile. But it did it for neither of them, in fact, Conquei shuffled away from me. Vadei did nothing, she just played with her food.
And I went quiet again. I went back to eating my food slowly and the silence was deafening. It wasn't quiet because we were having a peaceful meal. No, it was quiet because of things I had done and things I could not solve.
It was perhaps, the worst kind of meal one could have. Especially when the people here were my daughters, two I loved so very much. And it hurt very badly knowing my part or lack of it contributed to the mood. And it left me sighing once again, knowing that.
Then, when I had, had enough of the silence, I tried to strike up conversation, "So, have either of you two done anything interesting today? I can't say doing chores again is very-"
"Be quiet..." Vadei suddenly interrupted as she slowly dragged a utensil out of her mouth.
"I'm just trying to have a conversation..." I tried to blow off with humour as my chest suddenly felt off.
"No, you're not." Vadei comments.
"You are not me, so don't pretend you are." I say with clear frustration in my tone as my daughter continued to stare at her plate.
"I'm not pretending anything, just saying what I know." she says.
"And know little you do." I tell her as my tone raises and her fist suddenly hits the table.
"I know damn well more than you!" she nearly yells as her body takes on an aggressive posture.
"DO NOT HIT MY TABLE!" I shout back at her as my ears shoot up and tail rises. Yet, unlike my daughter, I had no magic to show off. So when a spell began to form, I felt scared. She was preparing a weapon against me...
"THEN DON'T SEND MY FRIENDS OFF ON FALSE ERRANDS!" she shouts back, and, in that moment, I suddenly rose up to my feet. Knocking the table in the process and it sounded louder than it should have.
"THE SAFETY OF THIS VILLAGE IS NO FALSE ERRAND YOU STUPID PUP!" I dismissively shout down at her as she begins to growl.
"Then why did you send two of the people who protected it to do it!?" she asks me accusingly which was enough to make me freeze in surprise. And I quickly found myself moving back towards the wall as she growled some more. Only for her to suddenly calm down before she sat back down.
"Conquei...?" I would ask first as I notice that my other daughter had gone missing. And, had it not been for the sounds of rummaging taking place in her shared room, I would not know. I was too clouded in the head to just sniff her out as Vadei overwhelmed it. But, it was enough to make me calm if one could really call it that...
Then, all of a sudden, Vadei's utensils hit her plate, "I'm not hungry..." was all Vadei said as she left.
"No, finish your dinner." I tried to order her as I immediately began to get worried.
"No."
"Eat it!" I reiterate as I stand up. My paranoia getting the better of me as I began to see memories of her starving body. The last time she was emotionally distressed she got like that. And if I had pushed her into that boundary once again...!?
"No." she repeated as she walked off.
"VADEI! LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER AND EAT YOUR DINNER! DO YOU HEAR ME!?" I yell at her as I suddenly approach her. But, I stopped at the start of the hallway that lead to our bedrooms.
"How many times do I have to repeat things with you?" she asked me as I started to break down crying. Openly wailing like a baby when she closed the door behind her.
"W-Why won't you listen to me... YOU STUPID GIRL!?" I whimpered before suddenly switching to screaming. And, after that, I just couldn't let any more words out. So I somehow got back to my feet and pick up my husband's alcohol. I then rushed to the cellar to grab more of it.
I needed something to keep my mind occupied and this was all there was. I couldn't just rant to someone, neither of them cared or would listen. My husband was dead and I would never find comfort in him again. So I took various drinks and went off into the forest.
Hiding in what seemed to be its darkest part before I started to gulp some down. And I quickly began to cough it back up violently when its burn made my throat convulse. And when it stopped, I just drank again. Repeating the process until what booze did make it inside made the reaction stop.
"Dear, w-what I have I done wrong?" I asked no one as I stared at a tree. It might have been dark, but, I knew where I was. This was a special little place me and my late husband went to when we were younger. It was the night we made Vadei, in fact.
In hindsight, it held one part of the trifecta of my best memories. One was the day I first kissed my Husband-to-be. Another was the night Conquei first came into my belly. And one, was when Vadei came into being as well.
I guess once could say, the day I first held them should have held that spot. But, I liked to think of it as I always held them from the first day in my belly onwards. Yet, now, I was not even able to hold either of them. One was scared of me and the other hated me, that was only way any of this made any sense.
I've only been doing right by them yet one ran off scared and the other refused to listen. She was letting her guard down around an osibindah! Conquei might have lost her backbone in that damned human city, but at least she rightfully feared it! Vadei, however, she treated it as a friend.
A friend! No, she was deluded and did not know what she was talking about. She had spent so many days starving that she had messed her brain up. I mean, she was captured by a bug exactly because of that!
She came up with this stupid idea in the heat of the moment! A moment that only came to be because she was starving herself and refusing to eat! Despite how much her loving mother insisted, no matter how obvious it was. She still refused to listen even back then...
"Please tell me what to do, Dear, I don't know what I can do... I don't know what either of them need from me..." I sobbed as I spilt a bottle on the grass before me. Violently chucking it away after being frustrated by the simple act. Yet, that just made me cry even more as it was something that belonged to my husband. It wasn't mine yet so recently I had demanded someone show respect to my stuff...
Thankfully, so very thankfully, human-made goods were literally made of sterner stuff. So the bottle was still intact when I looked at its moonlit form. And, my anger would start to run out of me. Only to be replaced by misery and depression.
The nearby pond as well showed me what I looked like. And I did not look like a loving mother. I looked like a hideous, raving lunatic. Yet, I also looked like Vadei in a way, my expression was just like hers.
Miserable was all one could describe it with. My face was one full of misery and despair. And, as I acknowledged how lonely I was at the moment, the tears came back. My precious Little Va needed help and I cut her off from it...
"Why am I like this!?" I asked myself with flowing tears as my claws began to cut into my skin. And it wasn't until I felt the blood flow that I stopped doing it. I would then just sit there, quietly. I ignored the drink I gathered and even the harsh stinging on my forehead.
Then, I sighed and fell down to the ground. I stared quietly at the grass before me until I heard a noise. It was too heavy to be anyone from the village. And, having been frightened earlier by my daughter's actions, I wasn't able to show courage here.
"Oh, it's just you." a voice I did not want to hear said as it stepped out into the moonlight. With it came the smell of a monster and it towered over me. There was no point in wailing, nor was there any point in calling for help. If this thing wanted me dead, all it had to do was kick forward.
"Wh-What do you want?" I asked it as I began to crawl away from it. Yet, I also tried to protect my husband's property. If only because it made me feel slightly safe knowing it reminded me of him. Not that I needed it, I'd probably meet up with him soon.
"Vadei asked me to find you." It told me, and, when I heard my daughter's name, my ears rose.
"Why didn't she come herself!?" I nearly spat out as I began to snarl. If this was my daughter showing she was paying attention, I was not amused.
"She said she doesn't think she can speak to you right now without you getting irrational. I know it is because of me, so, here I am." It said as it slid down a tree until it thumped onto the ground.
"I-I'm the irrational one!?" I gawked before nearly laughing at the mere suggestion of it. She considered this thing a friend and she accused me of it! She accused me!?
"Her words, not mine." It said.
"And what are your words, hm? Will you laugh at my pathetic state!?" I growled whilst also shivering in fear. I hated this creature and I knew it would only speed up the way to my eventual death.
"I want to see if you're alright. Vadei isn't in the best of places right now and she feels lonely without you."
"And what do you know of my daughter's suffering, bug!?"
"Because she's told me about it. She told me yesterday, the day before that. Since the day we arrived here. Since the hour I came back." It explained to me. And I hated how it was the one to do it. I did not need my daughter to speak with this thing. I needed them to speak with me!
"Oh, she's telling you stuff is she?" I bitterly mumbled before I took a sip. Nearly coughing it back up afterwards, however.
"I won't be here soon. We said we be here until she was feeling better. And, for the most part, she's set for it to be all done when... It's your turn to go to the temple." It said before finishing with a sigh.
"Hurry up and leave, then." I commented with a snort.
"For Vadei's sake, please don't do this." It then said to me. And I found myself going quiet once I heard that. For the sake of my daughter, I should be kind to this monster!?
"All I have been doing is acting for her sake... You're an osibindah..."
"I know I am, but, look into my eyes. What kind are they?" It asked me as it removed its hat and mask and exposed its hideous head.
"A bu-" I initially was going to comment before I properly focused on Its pale blue iris', "Human eyes." I eventually commented.
"I'm not an osibindah up here." It told me as it tapped its head before it moved a hand to its heart.
"Then why are you one!?" I interrogated him with.
"I don't know, a lot happened and now I am one."
"Oh, do explain, I have all the time in the world." I slurred out before I had another drink. I needed something to keep the laughter down.
"When I first met your daughter, or, saw her, rather. She was being dragged away into a cage. I was sitting in a hauler with someone who I should never have trusted. After that, I did not meet her again until I got out of a hive, just like the one we cleared out recently."
"And the point of this story...?"
"Your daughter met me as a human, she doesn't see me as an osibindah, at least, not anymore. She helped keep me alive just as much as I have hers."
"Oh, I'm aware, her arguments for why I should trust something like you rely on it."
"I'm not asking that you trust me, I just want Vadei happy." he told me as one of his claws moved over a knee.
"I'm trying..." I whimpered out after he said that.
"I know, I don't think anyone, not even her can say you're not trying. You just need to have some faith in her decisions."
"YOU'RE A BUG!" I shouted out after that. If having trust in her decisions meant being comfortable around this thing...
"Her decisions let you be a family once again." he said.
And I stopped, I stopped being angry and I cried again, "A family that is broken beyond repair..." I let out with clear despair.
"Right... Wastla, is it?"
"Don't say my name..."
"Alright, anyway. My name is Nin Urtuan. I went along with your daughter so I could go back home. And, the reason I am here is that I failed to protect my home. My home is gone. And it is my fault."
I said nothing horrible in return and just tightened my grip on my clothes, "And why does that mean you have to come here?"
"Because I d-don't want to see my friends feel the same way. I want them to enjoy their homes. Their families." he struggled to get out before it all just surged out in one go.
"And I am making my family worse?" I asked him.
"No... But you might." he cautioned as he hid his face. A brief glittery shine also appeared by his eyes before they were hidden away.
"Then how do I stop it? I don't want either of them to hate me... I'm trying, okay!? I really am trying to help them..."
"I know... And, while I can't say much regarding the other one. I know, at the very least, that, with Vadei, you just need to trust her. She's spent so long trying to save you, she's not going to make a decision that puts you at risk!" he argued passionately as he steadily rose to his feet.
"Okay... I'll try..." I let out before I uncomfortably held out my hand for him. If I was to trust my daughter's choices, I could start here. With a simple request for help so I could get to my feet.
"Okay, good. Now, let's get you home so Vadei can stop being so worried." he says to me, encouraging me to go on ahead once I had gathered up the drinks.
"Can you put these back in the cellar, then? I want to speak to my Little Va..." I ask of the man I had been insulting so recently.
"Sure, now, go." was all he said before I rushed off. My hands held up the lower part of my dress and I rushed back home. Coming to a panting stop, however, just before I left the forest. This drinking I had been doing was making it hard to stay upright.
But, I made it out of the forest and back to the walls of my garden. And I walked back into that garden, smiling slightly at the sight of my home in the dark. Then, I sniffed the air, because I smelled my daughter. It was a smell mixed into a drink we normally only had on special occassions.
"I-I made some t-tea..." Vadei admitted as she sat at on end of the table with a steaming tea pot in front of her. Her ears were down and her tail was almost dead. She was shivering and her face was red. In many ways, she was a mirror.
But, I ignored the tea and I walked around the table. I sat down next to my daughter and I hugged her. I stroked her hair slowly and kept my lips near her face. I hummed the first song that came to mind and I quietly cried as she cried more openly.
"I love you, Vadei." I eventually said after I kissed her head. Making sure my grip was tight as well once I had done so.
"Love you too..." she said with a hiccup at the end before her hand slowly went to the table.
"What tea did you use?" I asked as it has been so long since we had any. Normally, we had it as a regular end of the week thing. We played a game to decide which one we used. Not that we ever had much of a selection anyway.
"I don't know..." she giggled out strangely as her nail dug slightly into the table.
"Oooo, a mystery tea." I cooed before I took a cup and brought it near my nose. It was one of those things I liked to smell at its strongest. I was also hoping that the smell would remind me of what it might have been. Alas, it had been so long that the name did not come.
"I don't know if I did it right... Normally it was you that made it."
"It's perfect." I complimented after taking a sip. However, I left out a comment regarding her mixing of the leaves. She had put multiple types in there. But, that just did not matter right now.
"Would you like some milk, Mom?" she asked as her hand eventually reached for the small jug.
"Sure, Dear, I'll have some." I say as I look outside when I see something move in the dark. Nin had just left the forest with my husband's drinks. But, I wanted to focus on my daughter. The one I had in my arms right now.
And, to do so, I lowered my arm and put it forward. I let her awkwardly fill my cup with milk and I watched it warp the colour. It was no longer clear now. It had taken on a more full appearence.
Truth be told as well, I did not like milk with my tea. That was something Vadei preferred to do. But, I went along with it. Just because I owed her a lot and I had been very selfish recently.
It wasn't much, admittedly, but, a simple gesture like this was better than nothing. And I could tell that she appreciated it. Because she was clearly remembering how often I dismissed her during teatime. And I was totally justified to do stuff like that, her tastes in teatime stuff were horrible.
"Simar spoke to me earlier, he said that they have time to bury Dad now." she told me as her head moved about on my chest.
"That's good, does Conquei know?"
"Yeah... I do..." my youngest said as she hid around the corner and looked at us.
"Do you want to come over here and give Mom some cuddles?" I asked her as I opened up my arms. She gave no verbal reply, but she did come and give me a hug. She even relaxed her tail and wrapped it around my front. Both of them did.
"So what do we do with Dad, then?" Vadei eventually asked after we spent some time quietly drinking tea.
"We'll keep him in bed for the moment, he's had a long day." I joked without so much as a smile or laugh of any kind.
"I hope we're quiet enough for him." Conquei added with a similar tone and behaviour.
"I'm sure he won't mind waking up and seeing his three favourite people in one spot." I tell them both before curling up my tail between them. Slowly watching the pair as they started to fall asleep like they used to when they were younger. And while I probably wasn't going to sleep soundly upright, I did enjoy the way it felt.
I loved these two so very much I did...