It was a slow process, me getting up, that is, just one full of slow movements and lots of quiet thinking and stewing. Listening to the set-up mockery machine and glancing at the unmoved door before I finally got out of bed. Shuffling over to the door and staring at it intently. Just hoping someone would come and open it.
Yet, I was soon to feel like an idiot for a draft of wind that had passed through the door nudged the door forward. Someone had opened it for me, they just had not made it clear the door was open. So, following me letting out a sound of understanding, I went and put on a new set of clothes so the other one I was wearing could be washed. And maybe I should do my bed too, it was filthy after all...
But, filth by the large for me now was meaningless as I had become very acquainted with it as of late. And even with that in mind, I still went and took apart my bed to be cleaned up and then I shuffled out of my room to put it in for a wash. Walking down the empty stairwell and heading towards the washing up equipment and then sorting it all out. Turning my attention to getting something to eat before then seeing Einervaene leaving with her hand up waving.
Only, it wasn't for me, it was for someone in the next room over and she didn't even acknowledge me when she went past. So I just lowered my head a little with a frown, more miserable than I was when I first got up and out of the room. And with that having happened, I was suddenly left feeling like there was no need to eat anything even as my already deprived stomach growled. I then stopped and thought on anything else I might need to do before I went.
There was nothing that I would need to do, I had done everything of note since I had gotten up so I might as well go. So I did, I left the dorm and headed on out into the outside world beneath the bright light of the orbital-halo. I didn't bother looking at my map, I had been everywhere I had needed to know about so I knew where it all was. I even made sure to avoid that arena so I would not get put into more games.
Not that it stopped people trying to recreate that what happened before when I got put into the medical place. Before it became clear to me that I wasn't even allowed into the temple to tend to my spiritual needs. But, it was fine, if I had been allowed in I would have caused problems for everyone else so me not going in was good. The insults I was getting now, too, they were just scared and needed to get it out of their system.
And then I came to a stop on the side of the path under a tree that bore the marks of the guards making sure I understood my place well. Why was I even heading to a lecture right now? I was just going to be asked to leave again and for a justifiable and good reason. So, I might as well spare them the trouble and just head on to the library to get what I need.
I can learn on my own, I had been doing quite well learning on my own as well. I even had the excuse to make sure I was doing well because the other students or guards would destroy my notes and means to make them. So I got lots of information firmly stored in me because I was truly made to learn them. So I was getting a crude kindness in a way!
"Why are they still letting it walk around...? That thing could just lash out and rape me, you know that right, Doltlerf?"
"Yes, of course, I know, Mohninka. But you know we can't do anything about it. It's protected by the law, the very thing that should let us just kill it."
"It's looking at us..."
"Just ignore it, guards will shoot it if it tries anything."
A single digit of mine soon rubbing at my nose before I looked away in confusion. I swear I heard my name be said...
"Get moving, Bug!" a guard then soon said to me before spitting at me and nudging me with his gun. Nodding at him in thanks before I began walking again, it was very nice of him to make sure I stayed active. Help keep my mind off the bad stuff that would otherwise distract me and it would let me focus on my work! And focus is something I needed as that deadline was coming closer.
But, would it be best to not try and let them deal with me? I would just cause more problems if I stayed here so if I did everyone this favour I would be remembered more fondly! Not that it mattered, I was going to be killed off because I am not remembered fondly. So maybe I should just give the guards a reason here and now?
Take away the build-up and cut the rope that kept this place in suspense...?
I frowned at this, despite how good of an argument I made for it, I could just not convince myself to do it. I could not enact this plan that would benefit everyone here. I could not figure out why either. It was like my mind was lying to me.
Explaining it and why I should do it while not letting me do it. But, I suppose I had all day and a few more to contemplate it. Shouldn't take that long to think of an indisputable argument to get me moving towards that end result, should it...?