"Get going, Bug." said the guard that had just shoved me into the mud before he left laughing along with the others. But, I did not move from my spot, I just kept whimpering as mud found its way onto my tongue. Its horrendous and earthy taste soon being spat out in disgust as I finally got moving again. If you could call it that, I was just stumbling from spot to spot.
I was exhausted, so damn exhausted that I felt like I was just going to flop over dead because of it yet, unluckily for me... I did not. Undwote did not find a tired and upset bug wandering through his mists. All that found me was the pile of rubbish someone had just dumped on me as I passed their window.
And I did not respond to it, I just kept walking and walking until I finally saw the dorm again. The prison I had slept in for weeks upon weeks. The shitty little prison cell I was relegated to because I was a filthy bug... It was interesting, in a way.
I once saw prison cells as places with no exit, a place where one could have no hope of moving out until they had paid their time to the government. But, all it took was sleeping in that bed of mine to change my perspective, the ability to be seen and see made it all worse. I was an attraction to these people... A gimmick to be laughed at and abused.
I just wanted a sealed room with no ways out or in so I could at least have some peace. To wake up one morning and not have to worry about when I was going to be let out. To sleep one night and not do it to the sound of insults being played on fancy machines and items banging on my window. I wanted to be left alone.
Yet, even as I longingly looked off in the distance to the lands beyond that ring-shaped ruin this place was built behind. I did not feel hopeful, I just knew that if I went out towards that place I would just meet the guns of the guards. The guns that would grant me my final rest to the one god who wanted me the most. The one who was denied my soul...
But then I shook my head and went inside with a sigh, not even bothering to close the door just so I could hear it rattle because of the winds outside. Just so I could watch the rainfall so clearly while listening to the joys and laughter I was excluded from elsewhere in the dorm. Just so I could remind myself of why I had my old mindset of friends being pointless. Of how they would turn their backs on you when it got rough to save themselves.
"Apparently even saving their lives means next to nothing these days." I mumbled as tears rolled down my face as I thought about all that I had done for those three. Baltanthan not so much as he had pretty much disappeared after I had been caught by the guards. But, he was involved all the same. I saved their lives, made sure they were safe and fed and taken care of.
I worked to make sure no monsters would hurt them... I put myself at risk to make them full and happy... I got shot apart to ensure they could have a future... All that effort and for nothing.
It was all just pointless wastes of time!
And yet, even as my mind became swollen with hate, my body did not act. It had just had enough, it just had, had enough of it all. It wanted to give up right here at this door. But, my mind would not let it...