Brian
I woke up this morning not feeling so good, my throat hurt and my head was throbbing but I popped some paracetamol as I didn't want to miss my daily date with my Precious Dayne. So, I dragged myself out of bed, showered and prepared for the day.
When I reached her place I called to let her know I was outside. Hearing her voice made me forget my headache and my seemingly swollen tonsils. But I got a bit tense when after telling her I was outside and her carriage was waiting for her, she became so quiet, so eerily quiet.
Why is there no response or reaction on the other end of the line? Then I heard her gasp. Shit. "Dayne, you still there? Everything okay?" I couldn't help but worry where this girl was concerned. I gripped my phone tighter.
"My tummy suddenly felt bad," I heard her groan in reply, and it sounded painful. "I think you should go without me. I may have to come in later. Gotta go. Bye for now." She hurriedly said breathily and cut the line as I was about to voice out my objection.
I looked at my phone utterly bemused and worried at the same time. She seems to be in pain, maybe I need to go up and check on her.
Who am I kidding? I just want to see her to start my day right, and that's just my selfish motives coming through. And I know that if I didn't start moving my ass out of here, I'd be running late for my court appearance this morning. I also think that she may just feel a bit uncomfortable discussing her tummy situation with me, right? She needs to be left alone for now. So, despite myself and my desire to see her, I was able to talk myself out of it, I gave up and decided to send her a text before driving away.
[Hey, text me when u get to the office or if u need anything, ok? Hope u feel better. See u at lunch.]
Without Dayne to join me and having no appetite at all as I was a little under the weather, I decided to skip breakfast altogether and just settled for coffee before heading to court. I couldn't help but check on my phone every chance I could get but even as I got out of the court house, Dayne has not texted or called. Did she not get my message? I highly doubt that, but why hasn't she texted me? I was beginning to feel so worried. I need to know how she is.
So, I dialled her number but was taken aback when I could not get through. I tried several times more but got the same result. "Shit!" I cursed and ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. I should get back to the office. She should be there. Maybe she's in a meeting with her boss. That's the only explanation I could think of at this point.
I headed straight to her desk upon arriving at the office but found it empty, like she never-got-in kind of empty. What the hell? Already at my wits end, I dialled her number again, but I still could not get through.
I purposely strode to the direction of the conference room, hoping to see her face in there to greet me. But to my utter dismay, when I opened the door, the room was empty.
"Dennis, hey, have you seen Dayne today?" I asked him as I passed by him bent down on the copier, as he loaded some paper in.
"Good morning, Sir Brian! No, I haven't seen her yet. She's usually early and plastered on her desk all day but not today I guess," he quipped with a chuckle crinkling the corners of his eyes. Dennis is Dayne's banter partner most of the time.
"Okay, thanks Dennis," I said as I faked a smile his way, for not only is my head throbbing, and my throat hurting, my chest is feeling heavier now, as well. And a sense of panic is likewise creeping its way into my head.
"No problem, Sir. Anytime," he said as he made a salute gesture, accompanied as usual by his good natured smile.
This has got to be my last stop, and I know that I'll have my answer after here. I knocked on the door to Double S' office.
"Come in," she answered in her authoritative and deep voice.
I opened the door and found her typing on her laptop, her reading glasses perched on her nose, and several stacks of documents are neatly piled on top of her desk. "Good morning, Ma'am Shelly. Sorry to interrupt your work, but I was trying to find Dayne. I was hoping she'd be here."
She raised her head and looked at me above her reading glasses. "Nice to see you, Brian. No, she called in sick today. Said she had upset stomach."
"Oh, okay. I'm sorry again to disturb you, Ma'am. Nice to see you, too. I'll leave you to it, then. Have a great day, Ma'am Shelly."
"Thanks, you, too, Brian," I waved at her one last time before I closed her door.
"I guess I'm going to have to take the half day off after all," I muttered to myself as I ran out of the office to my car. I need to know how she's doing. I can't think of anything else much less get anything done until I see for myself that she's okay, she has to be.
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Dayne
It's been about an hour since I boarded the bus for home, and I still can't believe that I lied to my boss, telling her I had stomach upset and can't report for work. I was not thinking straight, because I was so desperate to avoid Brian. And obviously, so extremely desperate to be away from him that I decided to leave for home all alone after having invited him to come with me for the long weekend. "Ugh," I groaned as I covered my face with both hands.
This is just me protecting myself, I thought. My inexperienced heart is I believe not ready to be overwhelmed by intense emotions such as the ones that I am starting to feel for Brian, especially when it will never be reciprocated in the same way. My breakdown this morning proved that, and the fact that I am putting my job on the line because I can't handle these emotions, scares the life out of me.
It's almost lunch time and no matter how much I convince myself to not think of him, my mind kept drifting back to Brian of its own accord. And now may be too late to think about it, but I almost regret not going to the office today, because I am terribly missing him. Had I gone to the office, we would have been eating our lunch by now. I clutched at my heart and rubbed it to somehow relieve the pain I was feeling.
My heart aches just thinking of him and tears began to fall like rain running down my face, and I let them, not caring what the other passengers would think. By the time I stopped crying, my eyes were already so puffed out and my nose stuffy and all red.
Then I remembered that my phone was actually off and I haven't gotten around to minding it with the hasty packing and all. So, I took it out of my bag and turned it on. As soon as it sprang to life, a barrage of notifications came off. All the messages were from Brian. I read the last one he sent and I immediately felt guilty.
Brian: Please open the door Dayne. I'm right outside your apartment. Please. I need to know you're ok. Please.
Tears came flooding back in my eyes again for this sweet, thoughtful and caring man who I've grown to love. If only he feels for me the way I do for him, I wouldn't be running away as I am doing now.
Then another text came in.
Brian: I am not leaving Dayne. I'll stay here until u open the door and I see for myself that u're ok. Please I need to see u.
He needs to know that I'm not in the apartment at least so he won't have to wait outside.
Me: I'm ok now Brian. Thanks for ur concern, but I had to go somewhere so u don't need to wait outside the apartment.
As soon as I pressed send, my phone began to ring. It is Brian. I can't talk to him right now after my crying bouts and my stuffed nose. He'd know that I've been crying, and would start asking questions. Questions I can't give him answers to. So, I declined the call and texted him again.
Me: Sorry but I can't talk right now. Text only pls.
I know it sounds lame but it's all I could think of for now as being honest is definitely out of the question.
Brian: What's happening Dayne? Where are u? I thought u were sick? I was so worried when ur boss told me u called in sick and won't be able to report for work. R u in the hospital?
Me: No, I'm not Brian. And I'm sorry that I made u worry. But I'm really ok now.
Brian: Where are u then and why can't u talk on the phone?
Does he need to interrogate me like a witness right now? Jeez.
Me: I'm heading for home Brian. Sorry.
Brian: Why? I thought we were going together? Did something happen? Can I call u pls?
Me: No calls pls. Nothing happened at home. I just needed to get away for a while. I'm really sorry.
Brian: Is it because of me?
Yes and no, my mind immediately answered. Yes, because I need to get away from you. And No, because it's all me, I was the one who fell despite knowing I cannot and should not fall for you. But I did anyway and it's not your fault. I was deep inside my own thoughts that I forgot to type a reply and before I could, Brian beat me to it.
Brian: I guess ur silence says it all. I'm sorry if I pressured u into doing things out of ur comfort zone. But I'm not sorry for enjoying every single moment I spent with u. And I'll surely miss u. Hell, I already do. But even as it pains me, I won't be bothering u anymore so u don't have to worry about çoming back to work. Take care Dayne. Be happy.
I read his message through the blur of my tears and sobs escaped my lips as I read the last word. The finality of his words struck me like a bolt of lightning.
Isn't this what I wanted, to be rid of him so I can try and forget about him? Then why does it feel like I'm dying inside and the world was about to end? Why does doing the right thing feel so very wrong?