Brian
A stream of questions ran through my mind as I sat by Dayne's door with my head on my hands. Everything was going so well with us and she seemed to have been enjoying our time together as much as I did. So, what just happened? What did I do to make her run away? What went wrong?
Oh well, I seem to know the answer to that. Come to think of it, that's not something new to me, right? Even my parents left me when they're supposed to be the first ones to stick by me and love me unconditionally. It would not be fair of me then to expect Dayne to love me. Wait, what? Love?
Love. Such a big word with dire consequences if not mutually shared. I know I have fallen in love with Dayne. She has touched my heart in a way that no other person has done before except for my grandma, because I let her in, because I wanted her to, well more like because I needed her to. But now I realize that I never should have. Because love is not for everybody. It certainly is not for me.
I mustered all the strength left in me to stand up and walk to my car. My throbbing headache is nothing compared to the pain that I feel in my chest right now, and the lack of food in my body since this morning may have also added to my lack of energy. And worst of all, her absence seems to cripple me and suck the life out of me. I felt too weak to move.
I sat in my car and stared longingly at her door and imagined her standing there and smiling at me lovingly, her hair in its usual messy bun. God, I so miss her. I miss her so much, it hurts like hell.
Having held her and experienced loving her even in a platonic way makes me wonder, can I go back to what we used to be, as mere strangers? That used to be just fine with me, I was then content to just admire her from a distance. But these past few days have been some of the best days of my life, and that's because of her, being with her, laughing with her, loving her not from afar but up close.
Should I just give up on her? The main question is - Can I?
I know the answer to that so damn well. So, I took out my phone and sent Dayne a text again.
Me: Sorry Dayne but I take it all back.
I was surprised that she replied almost immediately.
Dayne: What do u mean?
Me: I can't not be bothered where u're concerned. I don't want to lose what we had. I just can't. I'm sorry. I'm coming for u so pls get down from the bus and wait for me.
Dayne: What? Are u crazy?
Me: Yes, maybe I am. So, better get down from that bus and wait for me. Please??? Please??? Please???
Dayne: God, u're crazy! And I'm even crazier for listening to u. So, what are u waiting for? Come and get me.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I felt a surge of energy and life flow from within me that I never thought I still had.
Me: Thank u Dayne! See u in a bit.
I almost typed "I love u!" Shit.
Dayne: See u. Pls be safe.
Me: U bet I will.
Smiling giddily and feeling happy and alive again, I did not waste any more time and drove to the exit road leading to Dayne's hometown. I couldn't help but say a prayer of thanks, as relief washed over me. The plan is still on, the dream is not yet over.
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Dayne
I stepped out of the bus with lightness in my steps. This does not make sense at all, I shook my head while grinning in bafflement as I sat on the bus stop bench on the side of the road. "This is crazy. I am crazy," I muttered to myself as I raised a hand to touch my forehead while still grinning.
Just moments ago I was trying to get away from Brian, promising to protect my heart before it is crushed any further by my unrequited love for him. Him loving another hurt me beyond words and overwhelmed me to a point that it was frightening. But what happened next scared and hurt me even more. When I read his message saying that he won't bother me anymore, making me realize that I would no longer be able to talk to him and spend time with him, I felt like my heart was ripped into shreds and my world was about to end, and I cried even harder than I did earlier.
So imagine my relief when he texted me saying that he was taking back everything that he said about giving up on our friendship, and that he was not ready to let it go. I almost jumped from my seat and danced for joy. And even as I asked if he were crazy when he said that I get down from the bus and wait for him, the thought of not doing it did not really cross my mind. It was like a big thorn was removed from my chest and I can breathe again.
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I was staring at the vast green fields in front of me lost in my daydream as I waited with anticipation for Brian, when his car abruptly stopped in front of me and out came a haggard looking Brian. He was still in his coat and tie, the ones he normally wore when he has a court appearance, but his hair was dishevelled and he looked tired and beat.
My heart started to drum faster and louder at the sight of him, it almost feels like it wants to jump out of my chest. I slowly stood up, feeling awkward and unsure, not knowing what to do or what to say to him now that he's here in front of me.
He was looking unwaveringly at me as he took purposeful strides my way, his eyes hypnotically intense that it kept me arrested, frozen in place. Then, before I knew it, he was already in front of me, and without a word, he held me in his arms. His familiar warmth and his scent enveloped me into a comforting cocoon and I instinctually hugged him back, as tight and warm as the one he was giving me. Sobs broke loose from my lips, more because of relief that I still have him in my life than anything, and being the sweet bloke that he is, Brian whispered words of comfort and assurance, as he kissed my hair and rubbed soothingly at my back.
When my sobs subsided, he stepped back, lifted my chin with his left hand and held my face with the other. He wiped the tears that have wet my face with such tenderness that it warmed my heart. He looked longingly into my eyes and then made his gaze wander down to my already parted lips. Then he slowly lowered his head and kissed me. His lips barely touched mine at first but it was like a match that sparked the flame within us, and it soon became more heated and demanding. When I felt his tongue on my teeth seeking entry into my mouth, my eyes opened wide in surprise. But seeing his eyes closed and feeling his desire spread through to me, I can't help but give in. I closed my eyes shut again and opened up to him. Before long, our tongues were touching and dancing in harmony with each other. I've never felt my body tingle all over like all my nerves simultaneously woke up and unleashed all my stored energy out of every pore, until now. And truth be told, not even my most vivid daydreams of how my first kiss would be, came close to what this real first kiss with Brian felt like.
As we parted for much needed air, both panting and gasping, Brian rested his forehead on mine, his hands were on my shoulders, while my hands were on his chest. He was grinning like a cheshire cat with his eyes still shut close, while I was looking at him with questioning eyes, feeling confused. Why did he kiss me like that? Friends are not supposed to kiss like that. Right?
"Yes, but you kissed me right back, did you not?" Brian spoke as he looked at me still grinning.
"Yeah. But... Wait, how did you know what I was thinking?" I asked in awe. Brian chuckled and I gasped as realization hit me. "Did I just say it out loud?" I asked, mortified at the thought when Brian nodded in reply.
"Ugh!" I groaned as I buried my head on his chest. Brian laughed even louder finding amusement in my embarrassment but hugged me tighter as if to assure me that it was not as bad as I think it is.
We stayed that way for I don't know how long, but it felt too good to move and there is this unspoken need to compensate for missing each other this morning, as well as for the not so pleasant things that took place earlier. Then in a tiny and unsteady voice I asked, "What happens now, Brian?" I was afraid to hear what his answer would be but I had to know what happens to our friendship after we kissed in that way.
He loosened his hold on me and lifted my chin so I could look into his eyes. Then he quietly but decisively said, "Let's do this, Dayne. Let's make "us" happen." His eyes were pleading with me to consider his proposition, while his hands were gently holding my face with his thumb smoothing over my cheekbone.
My heart burst with so much joy at what he said that my eyes teared up as I enthusiastically nodded and cried, "Yes!"
"Yes?" He asked in confirmation grinning from ear to ear. And as I nodded again amidst tears and laughter, Brian lifted me up and then he said, "Shall we seal this deal with a kiss then?" He was grinning at me and daring me to take the bait.
Well, how can I say no to that?