My mind was barely sane as I try to calm down. Behind me I hear the grass settle, only for it to be a Mr. Williams with a flask and a kabab. "Nextime tell them you need to take a dump if you need a panic attack. It takes barely five minutes to take a piss." He told me.
We sat on top of a dead log. While I started eating, Mr. Williams turns on a lamp an we start to watch the scenery. "I told the group you and I will be taking first watch at this end." He told me. I couldn't say a word. My eyes were fixated by the flame. I could remember that day at the riot. It wasn't one of my best moments but one of the ones that stood out. But the man taps me on the back, knocking me back to my senses.
"I'm guessing that time at the riot, you didn't black out. Didn't you?" The man questioned.
"Yeah...I remember all of it. I was lucky that Rebecca stopped me before killing her ex. That was one messed up day." I played along.
"If she didn't tackle you to the ground and begged, you would have killed the cops too. That would be entirely different story, huh?"
"With or without the blood it was fucked up."
"So how did it feel? It looked like you were a different person when you were fighting like that."
"That's the problem...it wasn't me..."
The man hands me some water to calm my nerves. My fingers started to tremble. It was there I described the feeling. I felt possessed. Something was moving my body for me like a puppet. It was as if I didn't knew my body was able to move like that before. All those flips and turns were precise, so exact. My cuts aimed at weak points and took the person's body to my advantage. It was all because of one word...the only odd part was that I didn't remember. That was said behind my ear suddenly without warning. After the bloody fallout I screamed and fainted, only to find myself leaning on the wall, depressed.
"It's weird... I used to see you fight before with kenjutsu. But after that and you started to copy that same style. Why did you still use it?" He asked me.
"I figured I might remember something. Something that I might remember from my past." I explain myself, "The more I used it, the more moves just popped into my head that got my uncle's interest. He would help me until something happened."
A few months before the HAP at East L.A. I was training at the afternoon with that style. Only behind me a bright white figure came and place his hand on me. The whole setting turns white. My body turned light. He leans behind me and says, "The more you remember, the more you can't go back." But a black figure can be heard walking away from me and says, "Leave him be. It was about time he got his ass in gear. It's time."
"Yet you know what happens if he goes too far."
"Let him. He's good at that. We're good at that."
Just like that I was on the floor in cold sweat. It was only there I find something quite off. My finger was bleeding and at the wall something was drawn with blood. It was a cherry blossom. The black figure then says in my ear, "Winter needs to pass, you can't be there forever."
Mr. Williams sat there rather confused. He didn't know the right words to put it, but he managed to figure something out. "So...that word made you fight the way you know now. You think it was one of your past lives?" He asked.
"I don't know. But one's thing for sure, they might have predicted this." I suggested.
"So when are you going to tell the others? You can't just keep this to yourself."
"I feel as if something is missing. I'm not ready unless I find out."
"I don't know. Probably it's best not to keep it to yourself.."
The man just suddenly stands up forcefully for some reason. I didn't know what was up with him. He just grabs his crossbow and cocks it. "You know you can't just keep this from us forever." He says, "Rebecca and Tyrell are doing their best to keep up and yet you don't bother to see them. It's unfair to keep something so critical from them."
"The reason why I kept this a secret so much is so they can focus on getting stronger. We talked about this in our hunts." I said.
"Yet how long are you going to be hurting?" He reprimands, "You gave Tyrell a ticket to the city and helped him succeed. Then you helped Rebecca get back up on her feet at her lowest point. You have any idea how much of a friend you are to them?"
"Yet they need to focus on getting better. We're the strong ones in the group. We'll be able to handle this ourselves." I insisted.
He then pulls me towards me and questions, "Yet you're the only one struggling. Why are you keeping this from us? Are you really trying to get yourself killed?!"
A sudden flash in my memory came. It was another censored face looking at me. Her hand was on my shoulder.. It was at that same school it was full of blood.. She shouted those same words, "Are you trying to get yourself killed?!"
I fell back on the grass, startled by the sudden memory. My body wasn't listening to itself. It was shaking. I couldn't breathe. But I crawled to the river and screamed in the water. I pulled my head out and managed to calm down. Mr. Williams then helps me up and drags me to the log. "Are you alright?" He asked me, worried.
I was catatonic. I couldn't reply. All I could hear was the screams in my head. The man then guides me to slow down my breathing. My body started to calm down a little. "I need time alone now." I mumbled.
"You sure? You don't look so good." He pointed out.
But there I masked my emotions with a fake smile and said. "I don't want you to see me like this. I'll be better if I was given some time alone." I replied.
The man hesitates. But he soon agrees. "I'll just be a few feet away. I'll check on you after a few paces of walking." He told me.
The Mr. Williams walks away and I was left alone. After a few minutes, I was able to relax. But just like that, Furukizu appears in front of me and the white room soon develops. "Why do you keep doing this to me?" I questioned him. "Oh man up. You're doing this to yourself. This is just a preview." He says, "Real show's going to start soon. The First can no longer wait anymore."
"What does he want?"
"For you to go back to becoming what you were once before."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You won't be able to accept our skills without what you forgot. Lilith is waiting for you."
"Lilith is dead!"
"Not in your memories...we gave you the skills necessary to fight. Now you have to go back to the darkness for Lilith's plan."
"What does she want!? I don't even know her!"
"She knows everything. She knows you and what you need to do."
"Quit talking in riddles! What does Lilith have to do with this at all?!"
"She was your best friend."
And just like that my brain exploded. It felt like it was struck like lightning. The censored blonde girl's eyes showed and soon her whole face. Grief started to come in my mind. The pain was unbearable. I screamed, mad.
Soon I was out of breath and out of oxygen. I could feel tears out of my eyes and drool flowing outside my mouth. Why do I feel so much pain? But I knew what this was. This was sorrow. "You know Lilith was able to predict all of this. Even Laputa. And now she wants you to fix it." Furukizu says, "Yet it's just too much from a broken man like you. But then again you are a 'hero' after all."
"What do you want?! Tell me! Just tell me so you can just fucking stop already!" I whimpered.
"Lilith has given our instructions long before you wanted to forget. Just play as it is and maybe you might save this world." He instructed me.
"What about this world? How am I involved?!" I demanded for an answer.
"Let me give you a refresher." He said.
With a snap of his fingers, a Grove of arms appeared around me. They were grey of rigor moris and they started to drag me down. I was soon finding myself drowning in a sea of hands, only to fall in a puddle of blood. Out at a school hall I see something. I wall closer to find one thing. It was a censored face with large horns and skin as grey as ash with red veins popping out of its skin. It was humanoid in nature, even wore clothes.
It was there it turned at me. The only uncensored think at its face were its eyes. They were red as crimson. His body may have been grey but his entire forearms and hands were black. Most of it was covered in mosaic. It grabbed me and threw me to the floor. There the floor shattered like glass. There I find myself falling at a pure white tree, larger than a skyscraper. But as I fell, I got entangled by white glowing threads. They were getting tighter, filling me with information. I could scream. But after that I lose consciousness.
I could barely breathe. There were too many thoughts in my head. I was going dizzy. My legs cease to function and I fall to the ground. A sensation of claustrophobia was squeezing my head like a vice. Despair flowed in my head.
I felt something at my arms. It was an astral thread made of energy. They started to connect throughout my body. My body started to move on its own. The other side of the threads were connected with the ninja and Furukizu's fingers. The spiritual threads were being used to control all the parts of my body. I was standing upright by their control and the katana at my side was being drawn in an unnatural fashion. Furukizu then clears his throat then says, "Do it."
The memory continues and the censored image then charges towards me. My body starts reacting on its own. It blocks the first hit as the two apparitions forced my body to attack. I could feel my body becoming heavy. Fear started to pulse in my veins my body was resisting. My body started doing acrobatics and fighting that I never thought would have been possible. The air of reluctancy started to cloud my head as my body started to play along with their ploy. I suddenly put up four ofuda charms to block the mace the thing was holding. But the charms shattered and I blocked with my sword. But even that caused my word to shatter and I was tossed a few feet away.
My body slowly started to get up and as the mosaic monster was getting closer, I summoned five bird shikigami to attack him. But as they crippled him, the creature's body was healing on its own. All the joints were going back to its original spots and the broken bones started to give a crackling sound as they repaired themselves. I ran for my shattered sword and used Majinken to create a dark aethereal sword to slice off the arm of the mosaic beast. But the sensation of that creature arm being chopped off gave a sensation of terror in my head. My hands start to shake uncontrollably. Kenshin then comes in front of me and slips some headphones on my head. With a snap of his fingers, audio started to play. Kenshin's voice could be heard with him shouting, "What the hell are you doing (Bleep)! (Bleep)! Fight!"
My voice then started to play in the headphones as heavy breathing started to be heard in the audio. "I can't!" I shout, "I can't kill him! He's my (Bleep)!"
The floor at the bottom of my feet started to cripple. It cracked like glass. I could see the crack starting to form as they started to surround the whole hall. The floor then shattered like glass and I fell down into a dark abyss. The blue aethereal threads spit as the connection was lost. I continued to fall as I saw the opening where I plunged into started to get smaller.
I closed my eyes as I could feel the cold darkness started to elope around my body. But I was pulled out by something. They were blue aethereal threads pulling me out. I look at that direction to see something. Silhouettes of people dragging me out of the darkness. I felt as if I knew them but they were like shadows. The vison stops. Opening me eyes once more I found myself laying under the night sky. My body stood up only for Furukizu to jump on top of me and put a mask on me. "I give you the memory of using Majinken and the Genki Ito (Energy string) spell under Kenshin's set for Ashura Ryu. " He told me. I couldn't move, neither breathe. The memory of using these techniques surged with blood as I could remember using this in various demons. How many did I kill with these kinds of techniques?
But as was absorbing whatever I can with the mask, Kenshin attempts to interfere by trying to get Furukizu off of me. "Dammit! Why the hell are you force feeding him information like this?! You have any idea how damaged his psyche is right now?!" He shouted. "You taught us yourself, memories are best taught with trauma. This is the best way for you to do it!" Furukizu talked back.
"But Kamiyama Omyoudou and Majutsu follows my set! We could just teach him just by that!"
"We don't have time for that! You know very well how fast he can cripple in the white room if we teach him those techniques! He can't stabilize the room without a mental break!"
The mask was stuck at my face and was being slowly absorbed by my body. Furukizu then kicks Kenshin to the ground. He then stands in front of him and kneels at his level. "Ashura Ryu requires the use of human beings to practice your techniques. You weaponized that type of magic to use on human beings! You know very well we cannot just teach him even with the use of the white room!" Furukizu told him off.
"Then we can figure something out! You know well Lilith wouldn't want this for him either!" Kenshin talked back.
Furukizu throws a knife near Kenshin's neck and he dodges it by half a second. An aura of anger can be felt around him. "There's no time! You know how I feel with all the lives lost at our hands?! You want the same thing in Cletus too!" He vented out. Furukizu kneeled at the floor. Sorrow could be felt all over. He started to cry in his mask. "I want us to hear their names again! I wanna see their faces! Laugh and cry with them! If we don't do something then we're going to lose everything again!"
Sudden memories start to flash. They were full of memories full of faces with censored and blurred faces. I was with them, laughing and having fun. Seeing myself in festivals, having fun at trips, eating with them, going to school, even heading to shrines and hanging out at my old kenjutsu dojo at Japan. But again the faces were censored, blocked to see the warmth of their expressions. I reach to grasp those moments, only for them to disappear in static. Another memory appeared. A rainy day with blood flowing out of the gutter with the dead surrounding me.
The mask was soon absorbed and my voice started to crack. Tears flowed out of my eyes and I started to wail. But nothing came out. It was clouded by the thunder. I look up at the sky and gave a fake smile. "The Raijin and Fuujin are too kind today." Toshizo says, "Are the both of them going to still fight like that?" Toshizo then helped me up and drags the white room in. He looks at the both of them and rubs his head. "Why don't these guys get a room and let you rest." He commentz, "His life may have been masked with a false name but in the end he's still human. "
A door appears. Toshizo then opens the door and puts me on his back. We continue to walk at a hall. Candle lit and dim, it was hard to see. Though dark, it felt warm. Toshizo then started to chuckle. "I used to carry you like this as a kid." He says, "You often visit the white room a lot...yet in the end there was barely anything white about it. But it was a pure place to call home." I could see it. a family. A family at the dinner table with all my past lives. It was peaceful. When was the last time somebody joined me for tea? The tea was hot but the setting was warm. When was this? I don't know.