'Things have to start with me.'
Easier said than done, old man. Those words were sticking to me like glue. In the first place, where the hell am I supposed to even start? I woke up after a few hours and it was already morning. Everybody was getting lunch but they barely touched their plates.
It was there I hear a whisper at my ear. The voice of my goddess can be heard from my left ear. "Get a dagger blessed by Ebisu and use it on a map. There you will find the answers you seek." She told me.
Her presence soon disappeared. I felt uneasy. After putting on my clothes on I looked at the sky as I could feel a sense of dread. My body felt heavy for some reason and my feet sluggish at the soil. I then got a map from one of the cars and go off to the bush. There I laid it on the floor. Soon I ripped off the seal and threw the knife at the air. But as I threw it, the knife slipped only to land just at the edge of the map at the upper right corner.
At first I thought it was a fluke. But something was really off. The pommel of the knife was glowing. There I summoned a bird shikigami to get a view on the destination Northeast of here. As far as the shikigami can go I can only see a sea of trees at the distance.
My doubts were still there. Yet I noticed something rather coincidental about this whole thing. "Northeast to face my demons, huh? How poetically ironic." I commented. But soon my shikigami was losing power. The more I got closer, the more the chi of the charm was being lost. But as soon as I make the shikigami land on a tree branch, the talisman's power disappeared and I lost contact.
Whatever what was going on at that forest, it was unnatural. At many legends and tales the hero is supposed to be following the will of the gods if needed. What I'm wondering now is what could Tsukuyomi want for me to head into that forest. What was her game?
For now it was best for me to eat lunch. To be honest I wasn't hungry. All I could do was to keep my cool and try to eat. Looking at Tyrell's messy apron, I could tell it was his cooking. But the only problem was that the meal was bland. The air became thick. Soon I can feel how heavy the air was becoming. But it was at this moment where everyone noticed I was here. "Morning, Rin." Sakuya greeted. Her voice was flat and lacked energy.
Nobody knew how to react. I guess it had to do with that thing awhile ago. You can just cut the intensity of the situation with a knife. The more they thought of the situation, the more it was going to make the task at hand unmanageable. Mr. Williams got the situation and read my mind. He gave a light cough. "So what's on the agenda for today?" He asked.
"For now we'll be letting out a scouting team to check the area for resource locations and assets so the reserve team would guard and gather from." Magna answered.
"Also I'll be in charge of the scouting team. Those who wanna stay here will be at the defense team with Magna." Richard added.
I then raised my hand. Richard looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "What is it, Rin?" He asked me.
"Tsukuyomi contacted me when I was out...she told me to use the knife from Ebisu and I found somewhere to be." I tell him, "She says that I'm needed there."
"And what is this location?" Magna asked.
"There's this forest, northeast from here. It's gonna take awhile to head there but I'll be able to head back there easily by bike." I replied.
"Wait... you're going there alone?" Tyrell questioned.
"It's just gonna be faster this way. I'm better of doing this on my own."
"Kid, you just woke up. There's no rush." Mr. Williams told me.
"Yet something's up. If I don't we might lose our window." I insisted.
Rebecca then slams her plate on the floor. She was frustrated. "What the hell Rin?!" She shouts, "You honestly think we'll let you out there alone?!"
I was startled by her response. She then grabs me by the shirt. "Look at you Rin! You're a mess! How the hell are we supposed to leave you alone if you like the way you are right now?!" She questioned furiously.
"It has to be done. I have to do this alone." I replied calmly.
"Oh shut up! Can you quit with the bravado for once and stop pretending like you're indestructible?! How long is it gonn be till you're not able to handle it anymore!" Rebecca shouted as she held me at my shirt.
All I could do was look down. I grew frustrated. I clenched my fist, trying to control myself. Slowly relaxing my breath, I held Rebecca by the hand gently and said, "I know. I'm close to running away now but if I don't get answers on what the hell is going on then I won't be able to overcome myself."
"Why Rin? What is going on?" She asked me.
I couldn't answer. My mouth was sealed. I was brought back to that hallway again. Yet there as something odd about it. I could see red threads coming out of my hands. It was Genki Ito but something was off about it. It made my body heavy and felt like it was vibrating. I couldn't handle it. But that's when I felt something grasp my cheek. It was that same girl, dying next to me with gunshots at her chest. Her uncensored smile was about to say something. But after that the memory stopped with me at the rain at the school courtyard. I can smell the miasma fading with decay around in the air. Bodies were melting away as a purifying rain was washing them away. My knees were on the ground and I cried at the floor.
The memory fades as I return with Rebecca waiting for my answer.
A tear came out of my eye. All I could do was was hold both of her hands with mine and just give her a crippling smile. "Please...as your friend, I don't want you to see me when I break. I don't want you to see me for what I really am." I whimpered.
Rebecca grew shocked. All she can do was let me go. She covered her mouth and backed away. Sakuya then helps me up. Despite her poker face, I could feel her hands shaking. She continues on to try to maintain composure. "We'll just shadow you till we reach the woods." She tells me, "We'll just remain by standby outside if you need us."
"So we're just gonna go on with this?" Tyrell asked.
"The woods was our next part of the agenda to scout but other than that we can't just ignore the orders of a god." Magna said.
"Yet will the guy be able to handle it alone? He might get one of those panic attacks." Gram wondered.
"It might be best if somebody to just let Rin be followed by a distance then. Maybe a few marksmen would do." Mr. Williams suggested.
"Then me and Gram will shadow Rin for the remainder then. Would you allow that then?" Richard asked Sakuya.
"I'll allow it then. We'll just be on comms to keep in contact." Sakuya agreed.
"Wait...why can you guys go and not us?" Tyrell wondered.
"It's better off this way. We don't want any exterior bias to get in the way of whatever Rin is going through." Richard replied.
"Excuse me?!" Rebecca reacted.
"He's right, Tyrell and you are Rin's closest friends. We might get in the way in whatever is going to happen." Mr. Williams rationalized.
"Then wouldn't that mean that mean that we should be by his side even more?" Rebecca argued.
"Then what happens if Rin reveals something that he doesn't want you to see? Something he isn't ready to show either to the three of you? Aren't you just going to hurt him even more?" Sakuya replied with a counter-argument.
Rebecca's mouth stopped moving. Her eyes widened to that possibility. She clicked her lips and looked away. Yep...Rebecca was pissed. But she swallowed her pride and just went with it as soon as she saw me.
"Alright...Do you at least know what you guys are doing?" Rebecca asked.
"I'm pretty used to doing the shadowing with all the information gathering I do at the guild and Gram is an experienced hunter. We'll be fine." Richard assured.
"I'll be able to sense any predators if anything is going on so it's a non-issue when avoiding threats. There will be nothing to worry about." Gram added.
"Then it's settled then? If there aren't any more questions we'll divide the groups." Sakuya finalized.
"On one condition, I'll join the Away Group to keep Rin in check." Mr. Williams insists, "No 'fence but I think the three of us would feel safer if one of our own will keep watch over Rin."
"Very well. We can use your medic experience while you're at it. But remember, places like these are at a whole new level." Sakuya warned.
We were to be separated into two groups. One was to be the 'Home Group' and the other was the 'Away Group'. The Home Group were individuals who were stationed to stay at the at the edge of the forest to supply support and backup. However those at Away Group were scheduled to escort me inside the forest. Home group was composed of Magna, Tyrell, Sakuya, and Rebecca. As for away group it was to be composed of Mr. Williams, Richard, Gram and me.
Prep time was still there. Everybody has to make sure to be equipped before heading out. I was cleaning my gun and blades and made sure they were still sharp. My sword managed to maintain its edge. I guess using those spells didn't effect the blade. The ofuda talismans and charms were still alright and were enough to last a few days. But the moment I touch one a sudden flash of a memory comes. It was a black ofuda talisman. Out of shock I throw it, rather startled.
Slowly I try to relax and pick up the talisman. Even if it was just a regular ofuda I felt tense. I started to do breath exercises to relax myself. "It's just your mind playing tricks on you...just relax, Rin." I told myself.
"Your name is not 'Rin'." Furukizu whispered at my ear.
I fell off the back off my chair, startled. The masked man looked at the ground. He was ticked off. The white room was slowly revealing itself. It as Just me and Furukizu. "You know you're getting worse the more you keep these visions to yourself, right?" He reminded me. "Get off my case already! I'm already doing something about it!" I talked back.
"Yet are you ready for it?" He questions me, "Do you even understand the weight of those memories?"
"I'm doing as you say, you know. I'm moving forward to face them."
"Yet you're doing it blindly. If you keep on doing that then you'll fall to your own undoing."
"So you're telling me that I'm not ready?"
"What I'm telling you to do accept and not regret what is going to happen."
"Why are you even telling me this?"
"You're starting to remember the memory back at that school as a whole. The red threads are coming into play."
"Can you not speak in riddles?"
"Then let me leave you with this. Have you wondered why there are so many dead people at the halls at that time when blood was everywhere? What was the real cause of their deaths?"
"Can you stop talking?"
"You know that it's at the back of your head. Why do you think you're the only one who is still alive after that?"
"FOR FUCK SAKE JUST SHUT UP!"
Soon I was gasping for air. The stress was getting in my head. Even if this guy was right, what choice do I have? I just wanted the visions to stop. But soon Kenshin appeared. "You won't be able to learn anything if you keep on treating your journey as a means of an ends." He told me.
"What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to learn here exactly?" I asked him.
"Have you asked yourself why do you just want this all to end? Why do you want this pain to stop?"
"I just wish this was out of my head! This...thing! The more it stays in the more I feel like tearing my own head off!"
"Yet why are you so desperate to forget? Isn't that the same reason why you're here?"
My eyes widened. I could see two versions of me. One when I was a teen and the other of me as I was in college. Both of them were standing still. I could hear the screams bursting from both of their heads. They both then laid at the ground in despair. The both of them mumbled in unison in Japanese, "God...why did you make me exist in a world that was better off without me?"
Soon I started to hearing many voices. The kept on going everywhere. "Why do we even bother having that outsider in our ranks? He barely even worked for anything to get here?" One questioned in Japanese. "He's one of those reincarnations. They were born special. They never get to work hard for anything. It's all brought to them once they're born." Somebody replied.
"Is that so? Probably he's been spoiled to the bone. Must be nice to have everything."
"I know! Maybe if he's just gonna give up in a few months. You know how easy these pampered brats give up easily."
"Rude! Hahaha! Careful maybe the brat's just gonna rat on us if he hears even more."
"Leave it be! It's just gonna prove our point! What a wuss he's gonna be!"
Then another conversation leaked in. One when I was a kid. I was already high my kenjutsu class. "Damn as usual, the brat's showing off again." One of the student's whispered.
"The kid's always getting praise. What a teacher's pet." Another student muttered.
"Yeah look at him acting so dignified. It's pissing me off."
"It's because of guy's like him we're never getting promoted."
"I know, right? The teacher's always rants to be like him. It's pissing me off."
"Maybe we should jump him after class."
"Good idea! LOL!"
Then there was another at the shrine where I used to work at. "Why the hell is that boy even supported by the high priestess? He's everything that we stand against in the order." One babbled.
"It's getting those gaijin off of our backs so it's fine." another replied.
"Still. His techniques and spells are disgraceful."
"Yet they get the job done at least..."
"Are you with me or against me?"
"Of course I'm with you! I'm just glad that we're not paired with him. Besides he's just an asset to the clan."
"Don't tell me you want to study those text he made..."
"Of course not! The kid's just trouble. One way or another that kid is just gonna be a chorupted mess. No matter how useful he is!"
However the last one struck me most of all. It was again at the srine with many of the omnyoudou practitioners. "Can you even believe this?! They're letting the brat off the hook!" One of them exclaims, "Honestly we could have done it better!"
"Calm down! The council might hear us!" A practitioner butted in.
"Who cares! It's all the council's fault for getting that ruin incarnate in! That was the worse fiasco I've had to fix in my entire practitioner career!"
"He managed to cover it up so that's fine."
"Fine?! That brat could have exposed the entire magical world he didn't have that memory wipe spell! That brat is a menace! Screw the council! I hope he goes to hell! That little shit!"
That last one made me gasp for air. I couldn't breathe. I felt my chest tighten even more. Furukizu then squatted in front of me. "It looks like no matter what age this is, we're always the outsider." He said.
"What did I do for people to hate me so much?" I questioned.
"Everybody hates an outlier. You did make the hardest decisions." Furukizu answered.
"And what makes me different?" I questioned once more.
"You were the rebel. The rules barely applied to you." Kenshin says, "You broke limits that made you both loved and despised. The antihero." Kenshin said.
"In the end you either exceeded or disappointed the expectations of others. But it makes you wonder if you truly accepted those decisions." Furukizu added.
"What are you even talking about?" I asked.
"Think about it. With all that you're capable of...how can a Terran be capable of doing what you do off the bat?" Furukizu implies, "What made you different when you were killing and hunting monsters in Japan?"
"But wasn't that done with the help of my past lives?" I questioned.
"You were able to use our memories to get our abilities but you didn't gain our physical prowess. You rebelled against your limits to get the job done." Kenshin explains, "You exceeded us but had to pay the toll multiple times some beyond the cost."
"Some of these were kinds steep but one did cause you to fall." Furukizu added.
"Then what made me fall?" I asked them.
But that question alone caused the both of them to become silent. But by a blink of an eye Furukizu appeared with his face an inch away from mine. He then takes his hand and grasped my face. I was being smothered and couldn't escape. His grip tightened and that's when it happened. Memories entered my head. It was that same day. I could hear gunshots everywhere, maniacal laughter, screams, and many more. My body was running towards the school as I rushed in the school with a katana on hand. Dead boddies were everywhere and soon the whole school was covered in a barrier. But that's when it hit. A telepathic message was spread to everybody saying, 'Welcome to hell.'
After that last bit I was thrown to the ground by Furukizu then found myself on the floor in the mortal realm. There I was again, in front of all of my weapons and tools. 'Welcome to hell?' i questioned in my head. What did I do before Laputa? The sky was getting gloomier. Why do I feel as if this is just the beginning?