"Sarcasm!"
I frowned. I was stunned by the sudden expression. "What? What??!" I asked, questioning him.
From the tone of his voice, something changed a little, compared to the beginning of the conversation. There was a something, in every expression of his voice that I could feel for myself. As if, he was talking now. It comes from the heart. Just, I was wondering. Why is he said at me like that.
Does he like me?
Don't be a nonsense. I'm not someone likes before. What he did in the past was just a joke and a games, for him. Actually, if he has a feeling for me yet. Has all this time, he liked me. I started to asked myself. Or, is he just kidding now?
Impossible ...
Because, when I first insulted him, he insulted me. And he said, it's impossible he liked me. What he was doing was just having fun and play the games.
If I want to remember that incident again, and even now I still do not forget what he said before.
"You, are so mean. If I used to accept confession from you. You still won't accept me. Because you just consider me as a friend. That's what you meant, just now. Correct me, if I'm wrong. If that's what I mean, right. So, for as long as this. You, play with my feelings. " He said. The octave of his voice, sounded unstable. At the end, there was a sigh of disappointment.
I touched my forehead, try to understand what he was saying now. I don't understand, if it happens again. If its...
I still don't understand. Why is he like this? Looks like it's all my fault. What did I do wrong? "You like me?" I asked, after a long time I was silent for a while.
He looked down, scouring the ground and small rocks. He take a deep breath.
From what i see him. He looks like he not liked me.
I took a deep breath. Exhaled. "I don't think you need to say, that I'm playing on your feelings. If you want to know it, from the begining, you are the one who are play on my feelings many times. Maybe, you think it's a joke. But, not me. After all, you're the one who rejected my cofession"I voice out, though it sounded like, was spoken one by one. I hope he can hear clearly.
After all this long, why he need to repeat an old story.
"Yes..I like you. I've liked you too much from before, and now I'm very sorry. Because, I wasted the opportunity I had." He laughed. His tone was heavy.
I heard with absurd reaction from him. I frowned. Didn't i hear it wrong, it seems. "Don't kidding! This is not a joke." I spoke rudely.
Speaking of which, it makes me uncomfortable.
He whip, with the less happy. Maybe, because I'm not sure how he feels. "I like you!" He said again, making me step back. This time, obviously. I was stunned.
What he is saying now, can be likened to a great blow to me. "You're crazy?!" Unconsciously, my tongue let go of the question. His face, may have guessed my reaction. I'm so angry. Immediately, the feeling I thought was gone. Back to giggling. My chest aches and stings.
Everything I've been hiding all this time, seems to have peaked. My heart, it hurts so much. Cause him, that day I became a rage of men. I became traumatized to men and because of him, I was anti to male beings. It's as if they merged at one time. Unbeknownst to me, the tears came on their own.
Why now? Why now, he wants to tell me that he likes me. Isn't that, a crazy act?!!
For almost a few months, he made me scared of men. I probably wouldn't be as strong as this, if my best friend didn't help. I almost became depressed. I feels very, very traumatized.
"Yes, I'm crazy! You drove me crazy!" his voice cast angrily. He looked remorseful. Probably because he was upset with himself. But for a moment, he seemed to seduce. "I've never been like this! I'm sorry to be near you. I honestly like you." The tone is high, turns low.
I saw his face annoyed. But what he's saying to me now, I can't accept. I backed away, shaking my head. I laughing at myself. What's incredible fate. "Why are you laughing?" he asked, anyway.
"Because, you! because I'm disappointed in you. You try to play a trick with me, and i know that. I know it from early, you try to test me. That's night was totally my wrong decisions. I know, I'm not good because I didn't cut off the call that day. But, all I know. I was angry at you and, because of it. I blurted out! " Probably because of the soaring emotions. I cried.
I'm tired of enduring the feeling that I've been reading books for a long time. "I'm mad at you! I know you're good, but why do that." I said, in tears. He saw me, fell silent. I cried for a long time, until my hood was wet with tears.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry in front of you. I'm sorry ..." after this feeling, it began to subside. I didn't look at him. Too painful to recall it back.
"It's okay. I know, I'm wrong." He said, like understanding. I don't know if he understand the way I understand.
There is no dialogue between me and him. I decided to go back into the chalet. I climbed the stairs and locked the door ignored him. I leaning against the door. What a surprise I received. I scowled. I wiped away the remaining tears. Why am I crying ..
My heart asks. Yes… that day.
Of course I was very angry. I'm too angry. I called him, because I wanted to be friends with him. Just a friend. For me, that's enough. But… why, why… A small complaint, arises on its own.
I looked at the empty chalet room. Hasliza and Syafikah, have not returned yet. I went to the mirror, saw my face a red eyes. Eyes and face filled with makeup tools, I faded from the face. I throw away all the deceptions of the world. With just a hint of red on my lips, I continued to change into more casual clothes. More to my real self.
I opened the door, I saw he was still in front of the chalet. Disappointed or upset, maybe. I could feel him being shocked, seeing me come out.
"Where are you going?" he asked, following in my footsteps. Najmi's jacket, I brought it with me. The dialogue is like the beginning of a conversation. Only me. Didn't change the way I talked.
"I want to give this back" i said.
"Why are you following me." I asked, glancing at him.
He smiled a little. I just set the pace.
"You like Najmi." He asked, following my footsteps. I just shut up. He was quick to catch, the reaction of my face. Agree, and start to sneeze.
Although, I'm moving fast. But, he was still able to catch up with me and walk with me. I not complained about my short legs. I'm grateful. God created the perfect me, and that's enough for me. Appropriate and perfect creation.
Time has passed, it's late at night. And for the most part, many of us have returned to our chalets. From the hotel lobby, I saw Najmi walking to his room. I raised my hand, waving at him.
Najmi, be aware of my hand gesture. Then, the man immediately approached us.
"Thank you, for sharing your jacket with me." I give to Najmi. That's person who are next to me, just raised an eyebrow.
"If you have a time, wanna join me. I'm want to take a walk near the beach." Najmi, asked to me and stand close to me.
Najmi, make me look at him. He is still there. I know, that he never leaves us. Najmi try to signal me to make him go. I took a deep breath.
"Aman, I introduce Najmi. My best friend, and my fiance." I said, when I knew. No sense in telling you now - I'm in a situation where there's no solution. "I am sorry." At first Najmi looks confius but began to catch the rhythm of my speech.
"I don't think this is one of the ways you want to push me." He giggle's. Can't believe my words. Maybe he thought I was just kidding.
"Hei, i think you know me well. I not the kind of guy who's friendly with women." Najmi, try to interrupt. I padded his arm.
"How do I know!" Aman get angry . I saw the heat on his face. I know, he's angry. I know, he's upset. I know he's disappointed. I saw it in his face. I was the one who deliberately searched for the article, when I was the one who asked for this engagement to be kept secret.
I complained harshly. "I think you'll probably believe me if I give you this invitation card. Our wedding, we're another month." The invitation card I kept in the bag, which I brought with my jacket, I showed him. The card that I keep, is to be given to close friends only. But, maybe this is one of the reasons I brought to this reunion.
The reaction on his face, frozen. Without a word, he passed a walk and back a step. After a while, he leave us.
I looked at Najmi. Najmi, return my gaze. I kept scraping to the ground. The twinkle that passed without the word, made my heart a little offended. Do ... do I still keep ..
"Nope!! ..." Najmi scolded me.
PLOP! my head, covered with a pink jacket. I don't know why. These eyes, watery easily. But I'm sure I may have cried because of the long -awaited apology. Maybe, this is the final path between my story and Aman. He's a good guy.
"Thank you, because there are times when I need someone. You came at me" I said to Najmi, with the jacket pulled down. I looked at the tall man with his front hair parted back. He smiled, looking at me. I returned the smile.
I am grateful, Allah!!
Connecting ...