Final chapter.
What did I do…
In front of my eyes, Aida introduced me to her fiancé. Even a white card, with both of their names on it.
Me..what am I doing..
It's heavy...i feel lose. I left Najmi and Aida. With no direction, I kept walking.
Why… why… At the end of the atrium of the hotel building near the small chalets, I stopped walking. I leaned my head against the stone pillar. Tears that could not be held back, continued to flow down and wet the face. My heart broke! Unbearable pain. "I'm not strong.." trembled, the expression on my lips. Not for a day, I hid all these feelings towards her. Years, and when I have strength. Why should she be owned? This is not what I asked for..this is not what I want. I moaned in a deep sigh. Hands that are held tightly, drawing my soul that is indescribably painful. Squeezed shirt chest. Resist the tightness of feelings that hurt the soul.
The more I hide, the thicker the feelings are. Obviously, this is a painful revenge. It's hard for me to release the bookish feelings that I've been hiding all this time. In fact, I had to accept that he belonged to people.
I'm was a man with a character who likes to joke and joy, with cheerful. But, that is only visible on the outside. My sobs are getting louder. My legs were weak, making me fall down. Fortunately, the night was getting late to midnight. Most of the time, only the hotel staff roam around.
Is this caused by my old sin? I questioned myself. Do I have no chance?? Ya Allah..I want to change my past. I want, my past. My lips trembled. I moaned, "Rabb...I'm weak.." My chest felt like it was being torn apart, I was trying to be alive. Numb! I punched my chest, holding back the excruciating pain. Tonight, my tears flowed as much as I could.
My heart is so wounded, it's like my heart has been sliced many times. Like, nothing can heal my soul. Only the Creator hears my night moans.
I miss her, but she belongs to someone else. I want her to be a part of my life. But, she is not mine. Why, this love comes when she leaves. Why do I have to face all this?
Help me oh god, turn my past.
"FINISHED"