Dying Star Arc
12th May
Not daring to leave my apartment, I had to take action whilst keeping myself locked away. I can't help but think of Zayd, and how he didn't deserve any of this. After I asked Mohammed bin Sayyaf, the leader of the ICMU, to find Sayyad for me, all I could do was wait for him to bring him back to me.
When Sayyad finally shows up, the look on his face is grim. I tell the guards to let him into the apartment. So that I can hear what he has to say. Sayyad takes a look around the room, and in his eyes, I can see a look of disapproval. It isn't exactly surprising. I haven't been taking care of the apartment at all. Not even just the last few days, but since I arrived here on Ceres. The trash bin is overflowing, there's practically nothing in the pantry or the fridge, and the benches aren't clean. If he went into the bathroom or bedroom, it isn't much better. The two of us push a few things onto the floor, and sit down on the couch. I bring my knees up to my chest, and wrap my arms around my legs. It doesn't really matter if I don't look like a Governor at the moment, I don't care what he or anyone thinks of me at the moment. I'm not in that state of mind. I wait for him to start. He knows, he has to know, what it is that I'm wanting of him. All he needs to do is give me an answer.
When Sayyad finally opens his mouth, he says, "I need to know what your plan is. Not just you vaguely explaining it. I need to see the document. To see what I'm getting by helping you, and to see if it really is the best option for my people."
"Are you joking?"
I seriously hate this man. All he's ever done so far is make things harder than they had to be. He's despicable. I assumed that the danger to my life, that has been made clear by the attempt on my life, would've been enough to convince him to help me, but apparently not. His moral compass doesn't seem to think that that's enough. I guess that makes sense. The future of this colony is on the line. It isn't that the danger to my life didn't sway him, it just isn't worth the same to him as the rest of the colonists. But even so, I can't help but dislike him, and despise him for that, all the same.
"Fine. I'll have a copy of the document brought from the offices on a portable computer or something. Then you can read it, and make your decision. I was thinking of putting you on the council anyway, so even if it's against the rules for you to read it, I guess it's fine if I just promote you to the council later."
"Huh? Why would you put me on the council?"
"What do you mean? You're a good choice as far as I'm concerned. You think intelligently, you previously advised Governor Montague, quite closely from what you told me. If anything, you're an obvious choice."
"That's… I see…" Sayyad replies hesitantly, but doesn't go any further than that. I have no clue what he was trying to say there. It could be anything, as far as I'm concerned, but I don't let myself be bothered by it too much.
I go talk to one of the guards through the door, and give orders to have a copy of the document brought here to us. We could go ourselves to the offices, but I'm still not confident enough to do that. I don't think I could do that. Not until whoever's responsible for all this is imprisoned. And even then, I might still be unable to.
We don't have much to talk about whilst we wait for the document to be brought over. I get the feeling that the dislike I have for him is mutual. That doesn't matter, however. I think we're both mature enough that something like that isn't going to effect how we work together. We can work together despite our differences. I'd like to think so anyway.
When a soldier finally arrived carrying a portable with the document, I handed it over to Sayyad. He set to reading through it. Whilst I watch him read, I wonder whether he'll really read through the whole thing. Wordy documents like that are admittedly boring to read. He might not be reading the whole thing, but he is certainly taking his time with it. I get restless, and start pacing around the room. At one point, I make us both coffees, not that it tastes great. My father always greatly enjoys coffee, but I've never understood why. It tastes horrible. He claims that real coffee, not artificial stuff we have here, tastes great, though I have my doubts.
Eventually, Sayyad finally settles down the document. He looks over at me.
"This is the real thing?"
"Of course, it is. I wouldn't have had any time to make a fake," I reply. He really doesn't trust me at all. I wonder who's fault that is. Perhaps Seine Montague is to blame for this.
"Well… it's pretty good, I'll give you that. The finances that'll eventually be freed up by this… they'll benefit everyone here, right? Not just those living in the settlement?"
"Yes, everyone will benefit from this plan, just like a told you before. Only a few people will lose out on their jobs, and the Ceres Liaison Office will help those people find new jobs when they return to Luna."
"I'm glad to hear that."
Sayyad smiles upon hearing that, but then he once again becomes serious.
"The one your looking for," he continues, "the one that's responsible for all this… is Deputy Governor Kyle Matthews."
I hadn't thought that I would be coming out to the surface so often. This is the third time since I arrived on this planet, and the second time in five days. Just like Luna, on Ceres there are no graveyards. This is a dead world. Without bacteria in the soil, bodies won't decompose. Well maybe they do, but just not very quickly, I don't know the exact science behind it. But in any case, it isn't feasible, neither here nor there, to bury our dead in graves, so instead their ashes are released outward, to scatter along the surface. For Zayd, it's time for him to go.
In the last two days, not a lot has happened really. In fact, this is the first time I've left my apartment since Zayd's death. Shortly after my conversation with Sayyad ended, Deputy Governor Kyle Matthews was arrested. Since then, I've seen to it that Ella Maynard was promoted to Garrison Commander permanently. She wasn't next in line for the position, but it wouldn't surprise me if the second-in-command, who must've closely worked with the currently imprisoned former Garrison Commander, had some sympathy for those that have been incarcerated. Sayyad bin Osman has also been named as a councillor, though he is yet to sit in a council meeting. The council will be meeting sometime soon, which will be followed by the signing of the Ceres Penal Labour Act into law.
Today, however, things need to start moving again. That's what I've decided, and that's why I'm saying goodbye to Zayd today. No matter what I'm feeling, I can't just keep moping around in my apartment. I have my duty to uphold. My duty to the Freehold. I have to live up to my father's expectations of me, and save this colony. No matter what. And to do that, I need to push all of that to the side for the moment, and get to my work. No matter the cost.
Zayd's ashes remain in an urn, though in a moment's time I'll scatter them across the surface, where they'll be lost forever. And in a way, even though it is a dead world, I guess Zayd will become part of it. There's something poetic about that, though I don't know what Zayd would think about that. I look down at the urn I hold in my hand. Once I scatter the ashes inside, that's the end of it. After I've done that, I need to focus on what I can do as Governor of Ceres. Not as Zayd's lover. No matter how much it hurts me.
"Goodbye, Zayd. I'll make sure this world is a much better place. I'll make sure that nothing like this can ever happen again, I promise. And… I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this happened to you, because of me. I'm sorry."
I can feel tears coming, and a wave of emotion stirring deep inside me, but I do my best to suppress them. I can't fail in what I just decided to do immediately. With a deep breath, I then open the top of Zayd's urn and watch as the small particles of ash flow outwards. The limited gravity means many of the pieces seem to travel on forever, but they'll eventually come to rest on the surface somewhere far away. And now Zayd has come to a rest himself.