War has created struggles for many women like her to trade their body for survival.
When they make that decision their body will feel the shame which their mind tries to hide.
Surviving this way is one of the harder decisions women like her makes.
Every night the feeling of shame and guilt will wash over you no matter how well you hide.
To live in such a way, the days can only be bearable by believing in the lies you tell yourself.
Only lies can hide your shame and give you the lost dignity.
As she walked back home she had her head down to avoid looking the eyes of the men around her.
Her black velvet cheongsam dress illustrating her beautiful figure.
Her hair flows in the air as she walks gracefully in the quiet street. Where there was only the sounds of her steps landing on the ground.
The soldiers and citizens around her were stealing lustful glances at her, some were whispering into each other's ears with looks of pity, while other men seemed to point fingers at her with hate.
All of them keep a distance away from the flower.
But to their social arrangements, she was already accustomed to regularly.
Since the day her destiny changed, this was the only connection to the outside world she expected to have as a prostitute.
Yet the lustful spectators were like an audience below the stage. While in her every step there's a sense of loneliness that prevails around her. The loneliness of the girl dancing alone in the limelight.
Getting home she stays in her room and lits a candle placing it on the brown colored dressing table.
Sitting in front of the large yellow illuminated oval mirror in silence.
She pulls out an empty drawer that was in the past filled with jewelry.
Reaching to the back of the drawer she brings out a golden colored phoenix hairpin. Using the hairpin to tie up her hair.
Looking in the mirror she sees a different woman than the shameful ill-reputed prostitute she believes in her heart.
The woman in the mirror gives someone a feeling of elegance, youth, and innocence.
Those pair of hopeless eyes hid away her despair when she cried in hatred of herself. Revealing a sign of light behind that pair of windows.
She simply paused there in the room as the candle illuminated her mirror.
Admiring the simple beauty in front of her, the surreal beauty that she can cling on to like a dream during this war-tinted reality.
But her door slides open a tiny bit revealing a bit of the darkness from outside.
An eye watches through the crack of her door, watching with hints of jealousy.
'That little slut decorating herself with a hairpin,' the old woman from outside thinks to herself, 'just like her concubine mother. That hairpin should've been mine.'
The old woman had deeply wrinkled skin that was contrasted by the red colored lips. Her eyes as she watched Zhi Yan was marked by jealousy.
Pushing forth the door, the old woman surprised Zhi Yan.
Taking a step towards her she pulls away the hairpin from her.
Seeing that the hairpin was in her hands Zhi Yan saids, "Matriarch, hand me back the hairpin."
"You little slut. I knew you hadn't pawned all your jewelrys," her eyes were spiteful as she looked at her.
The matriarch left the room and went out to the living room where the Patriarch was and showed him the hairpin, "Look, if we pawn this hairpin we might be able to get a big bag of rice.
Zhi Yan catches up to her and tries to grasp the hairpin from her.
In her eyes it was not just a hairpin, it was keepsake full of beautiful past memories when life was perfect and safe.
"Stop! How dare you keep such valuable jewelry," the Patriarch shouts hitting his cane on the floor in disruption, "give it to her! We need food for the table."
"No! This is the only thing I have left," she says as she fights the Matriarch.
Her struggles were vain as the Matriarch finally pulls her hand that has the hairpin away from her.
Freeing from Zhi Yan's grasp, she slaps her right across the face causing her to stumble on the ground.
Her younger sister also came out to the living room after hearing the clashing.
She sees her sister Zhi Yan sitting on the floor with her feet sprawled and her hands tightly wrapped around the old woman's waist.
Zhi Yan cries pitifully as tears fall down her eyes, "No...That's all I have…"
In her memory her older sister was always someone who's strong and took care of her.
Protecting her from everything and standing up for her at all times.
After the onset of the war, many of the servants and his father's concubines soon ran away from the home.
The prosperity which they enjoyed in the past all were quickly taken away from them.
Forcing them to sell everything valuable in their home.
But their possessions were not enough to buy any more rice as Foshan became a haven of starvation.
Her older sister made the decision to sell her youth and beauty in return for some food for the family to eat.
Everyday she would see her beloved sister's eyes turning more and more bleak of light.
These past days the atmosphere before her sister became silent and serious.
It was as though Zhi Yan was clutching on to the last straw as she works tirelessly to protect her from walking the path of a sex worker.
Today seeing her tears she knows that the last flickering light on the candle will be blown out by the harsh conditions set by the evil old woman.
Zhi Yan gives up her struggling cries as she watches the old woman leave the room walking into the dark streets outside.
Seeing only the faint outline of her old body in the distance.