"Étienne, what would you have to apologize about?" I caress his face, trying to get him to turn to look me in the eyes. He allows his handsome face to be guided by my hand, but he looks like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" I coax the frightened child before me.
He sighs, gathering his courage, before he says "I failed you. I should have stopped what happened with the Baron." in a defeated tone.
"Étienne how could you have stopped it? What happened wasn't your fault. The only one to blame is now dead." I correct him gently, reassuring him of his value in my eyes.
"If I had waited for you, it would have been different." His regret sends needles into my heart. Does he truly think he could have faced his own father and fought with him over a woman. If he has tried it would have painted me as a glory seeking hussy.
"You thought I wouldn't come. I wasn't sure that I would come." I remind him, hoping that this will ease the guilt that is festering in his heart.
"I could have stopped the wedding when I realized that you were marrying him." He counters. It seems that he has meditated and fretted over what can't be changed from that day.
"And when did you find out?" He didn't know who I was marrying when we met. There is no way that he would have had time to come up with a plan for my escape.
"That morning I heard he was remarrying, and I was suspicious."
"But did you know then?" He can't blame himself for ignorance in the affairs of another.
"Not for sure." He admits.
"What did you learn that morning?" I need to know the details to help ease his aching conscious.
"That morning I was talking to a friend who mentioned that my latest stepmother had passed and asked if anyone in the group had met my father's new fiancée. No one had." He didn't have my name, or a description of who I was.
"Then how are you to blame?" I again try to reason his innocence.
"I could have objected during the ceremony." Though this is true, it is not custom for there to be a pause for those who wish to object to interject. It would have difficult to have interrupted the old priest's monologue.
"Then, in the moment, why didn't you?"
"I was afraid to go against my father and was in shock. I didn't think he would do something as cruel as to force a girl barely of age into a wedding."
"Those are valid reasons. You have nothing to be ashamed of for hesitating in shock. I am okay, see." I hold him tight in my thin arms, pressing myself against him, showing him my sincerity. He caresses my hair, holding me back.
"I almost went into your room before he got there to steal you away." I pull away, frowning at his announcement.
"Why would you have acted then and not earlier in the afternoon?" So he had decided to spirit me away. That would have been a grave fault to have stolen a bride.
"After our talk I knew that you felt the same way and hated myself for not waiting. It took me a minute to process what you had said, but once I had I wanted to save you." Of course, my words meant to ease his mind were to two-edged sword that would have cut him from favor. They couldn't have merely been the salve I had intended.
"Would you have forced me to leave?"
"No, but I could have convinced you. Apparently, I had convinced you once." He caresses my face, looking at me with a regard of amazement. How did I get this breathtaking man to worship me so?
"Then why didn't you?"
"The Baron rounded the corner right as I was about to knock." I lift my hand to caress his face and reassure him that I am here, that no lasting harm was done.
"And you didn't want to confront him, right?" He nods into my hand. "It is normal to be afraid of your parent, or to not want to confront or offend them."
"You think so?" He looks up at me, his dark eyes brimming with hope.
"Of course." I smile at his childlike response. Where is the cold man from last night, or the one who chased off the prostitutes after they insulted me? His looks more like a puppy then a Marquis with his wide hope filled eyes.
"Then you also don't blame me for ignoring my instinct and not bursting in to stop him." I imagine what would have happened if Étienne had intervened. It wouldn't have changed the fact that the Baron fainted and died. In fact, it might have implicated him.
"I don't think any child wants to interrupt their parent in that genre of activity." I don't express my thoughts bout the potential implications of his intervention.
"How do I deserve you?" His arms tighten around me in a quick squeeze as he brushes his lips against my cheek.
"I'm not perfect." I remind him.
"No but you are generous, brave, kind, diligent…." He rambles off his grand list of attributes. I smile and cut him off with a kiss. I don't want such praise, but knowing he thinks highly of me lightens my heart.
"Forgiving, most importantly forgiving." He murmurs when I pull away, naming off another virtue.
"You are generous with me, kind for helping my family, and brave and sensitive for opening up to me." I counter, wanting him to understand that I am not the only lucky one.
"I love you Camille." He declares, taking me by surprise. I know he feels for me, and we have hinted at love before, but the force of his declaration is unexpected.
"I love you too Étienne." For some unknown reason the words fall out of my mouth, but I know they are true. I feel a burning deep in my chest, in my heart when I heard his declaration, when I am around him. I kiss him, trying to convey the depth of my emotion to him. It is like the sea, without having felt it, it is impossible to describe the waxing and waning, the facets that cause its beauty.