"She was a fighter. Her sword her laughter, her shield her faith. A Queen Indeed wearing her mask so effortlessly real, a face I could not have presumed to be."
"She had hidden beneath a pain and a fear only she understood. A struggle for survival I wish I partook in."
"If only I could see beyond the mask she so flawlessly wore. But I was blinded by self, my very bane. I was a victim of my own words, shallow!"
"Now I think, maybe if I had stared longer and harder as one searched for the thing desired, maybe I would have seen the scars on the mask and the glossiness not only of her lips but her eyes."
"Maybe I would have gaped the other color in her brown eyes. Pupils dilated."
"I had passed judgment without giving a second thought.
I condemned what I made no efforts to understand."
"I forgot our humanities and mortalities and suppressed the concept of death. A villain that takes without giving a warning signal. I underestimated this Brute Sinner and thought nothing much of it. I waved my hands at its face, "you can't see me, " I said, forgetting that I was not John Cena."
"Now, it has seen me."
"I try myself. I stand in the court of my own making, the prosecutor, the judge, the accused all rules of natural justice forgotten. Peace this court wishes to grant not justice."
"And I find myself guilty as charged!"_ I stopped speaking and sobbed a little.
Adam stood up and tried to walk down to down to the podium, to me, but I stopped him from doing so with my outstretched hands. I didn't want to be consoled and I wanted to let the pain out lest it becomes a demon. A demon who would not stop whispering to me until I did what he wanted.
I wiped the tears of my face with my small towel and continued to read the ode.
"I should have known better, I should have tried harder, I should have loved her deeper. I should have been better."
"They too stand in my court, yes, they who their names shall not be mentioned. Did? they not think that she had also dipped her claws into our hearts and we will feel the absence of its fullness when it is drawn out."
"Did they think that her fingerprints in us were not deep enough to cause a consummation. They too faced my judgment, a class of Feigner's. They who cry and mourn like they had felt the depth of a loss so shocking it is almost dreamlike. They whose tears are short, tears that begin and end in their pretentious still eyes. Their heart giving no permission for such feign gestures."
"They who do not feel but wear a mask of pain so transparent that the eyes who do not even look deeper can see the edges. Take off your mask you shall not be judged, not all pain must be felt! This is not a battle for sympathy, but a battle to close up this part of our heart bleeding from the absence of her claws."
"If only she could see, they said. The idea of her lurking around bringing fear and peace."
"In the end as I write, I cannot tell if I am enveloped with rage, pain or nothingness."
"My swollen eyes can see now and all they see is the fingerprint on my hand that needs to be imprinted on paper. A piece I desire to last for generation unending, so they all know that their was once a glossy queen."
"Immortality I wish to grant to her."
"She was beautiful, so effortlessly beautiful. With strength so overwhelming it confused the mind."
"I do not write this for you, I write it for me because this I should have told her. I should have earned myself a true smile where the edges of her mask would have shifted and I may have had a glance of the true Queen, but I didn't."
"I say this not to overcome the guilt but to embrace it. In the hope that it consumes and lets go in the end leaving behind only a memory of its consummation."
"I have learnt however that this life is mine and it's short and I will live it the best I could. So in my ode, they too can say, Mira was strong. And when I face God I can say, yes, yes lord, I lived."
The end