Sign language!
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?' and the man repeats his gestures. "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE"
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the hell was that?" She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"
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Ultimate one liners
What's the definition of gynaecologist?
The only fool who looks for problems where others try to find pleasure.
Love is a complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it.
Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
If you had sex 365 times in 12 months and you melted the condoms down to make a tyre what would you call it?
A fucking goodyear. (ha ha ha !! :)) :)) )
Why is the blow job a win/lose situation?
You may have her on her knees, but she has you by the balls.
Mental anxiety, mental breakdown, menstrual cramps, menopause. Did you ever notice how all women problems begin with men.
Q: What is virginity?
A: It's not dignity. It is lack of opportunity.
* Most women prefer sex with the lights out: they can't bear to see a man enjoying himself.
* Men like sex with the lights on, so they can get the women's names right.