On the wedding day father hands a note to the groom... Which read.."Goods once delivered will not be taken back"
Groom gives a note to the father of the bride that read.... "Guarantee void if seal is broken"
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Lipstick hanging out
A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk private matters in public.
At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know w hat say to the little girl himself. then remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table he turns to the little girl and say will you excuse me
I have to go to powder my nose.
And saying so he leaps of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.
When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?"
"Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse, because your lipstick is hanging out.
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Three Americans died overseas in the war. The General of the three was sent to each of the houses to inform their spouses.
He went to the first man's house and told the man's wife of the tragic news. She cried for a moment and the General asked her what she wanted to do with his body.
Well, she said, he loved to fish so I would like to have his body creamated and his ashes spread over the lake so he can be forever with his fish. And it was done.
The General went and informed the second man's wife. She too cried and was then asked what was to be done with his body? "She said, "Well,he loved to hunt, so I think it would be great if we could have him creamated and have his ashes scattered over the forrests so he can be forever with the creatures that he loved so much."
The third man was gay. The General was a little hesitant but proceeded in telling the man's husband the bad news. The man cried and screamed for well over an hour and then finally calmed down enough to hear the General's question."What would you like to do with his body?"
The gay man reesponded, "Well,my husband was a good man, but he was not very outgoing. He didn't like to do anything outside the house. He was the best lover I ever had. He was amazing in bed. He loved my chili too. I loved him so much. Well,the only logical thing to do is to have his body cremated, make some chili for dinner,throw his ashes in, and let him burn my ass up one more time!"