Tattoo Parlor
A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this. The man replies, 'I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.'
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tattoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: "First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it."
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One hour...
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. 'We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,' she said, 'ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?'
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, 'Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?'
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The Pope's Illness
The pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out.
After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the goods news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.
Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought,the pope stated, "I agree but under four conditions."
The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?"
The room stilled. There was a long pause. The pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex.
"Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex.
"And third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one."
After another long pause a voice arose and asked, "And the fourth condition?"
The pope smiled and replied, "She gotta have big tits."