The dirty old man
An old man was on the beach and walked upto a beautiful girl in bikiny.
"I want to feel your breast. I'll give you $20 for that." He said.
"Get away from me you crazy old man!" she said.
"what asbout $100?" he offered.
"Get lost I say." She fumed.
" I'll give 200 dollars." He persisted.
She paused to think about it and then came to her senses," No I said."
"$500 if you let me feel your breasts" he claimed.
She thought- well he is old and seems harmless, and $500 is a lot of money. She said" ok, but only for a minute."
She loosened her bikini top, the lod man slid his hands and started moaning," Oh my God! Oh my God!!"
She asked," why you keep saying 'Oh my God'?"
"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!! Where am I ever going to get 500 Dollars?! Oh my God!"
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Two teenage boys turned up at church and the first went in for confession. He told the priest he'd had sex the night before.
"Who was the girl involved?" asked the priest.
"I don't know, it was dark," replied the boy.
"Was it Bernadette McLafferty?"
The boy said he still didn't know.
"Was it Theresa O'Hare......or Rosemary McGinty?" asked the priest.
"I don't know, it was too dark," insisted the boy.
"Could it have been Anne-Marie, the baker's daughter?" asked the priest.
The boy continued to deny any knowledge of the girl's identity.
Finally, the exasperated priest sent the boy away and told him to return when he could reveal the girl's name.
Outside his friend was waiting anxiously.
"Did you get to know the girl" he asked.
"Naw," said his pal, "but I got four good leads for this Saturday night!"