Condom 'n' Govt
A condom is like a government
It stands up to inflation
Halts production
Protect the bunch of pricks
A give you a sense of protection while being screwed.
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Wrong Collar
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds!" and went back to reading his book...
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
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The Company Christmas Party
A man and his wife went to an office Christmas party, where the man had a little too much to drink. He staggers down the stairs, completely hung over, and makes his way to the breakfast bar.
His wife pours him a cup of coffee.
With his head in his hand, he asks, "Damn, honey. What happened last night?"
She replies, "It wasn't a pretty sight."
He asks, "What do you mean?"
"Well," she replies, "You were not on your best behavior and your boss was extremely upset."
"He was?" he moans.
"Yes," she replies, "He sure was."
"Ahhh, piss on him!" he says.
"You did," she replies. "Honey, you got fired last night."
"I got fired?" he questions.
"Yes," she answers, "You got fired."
"Ahhh, screw him!" he says.
She replies, "I did, you start again Monday morning!"