My husband would always leave the house every morning without a word or sound after eating the breakfast that I zealously prepared for him at 5 in the morning. I would quietly eat my breakfast after he's gone. I am trapped in a loveless marriage with him. He accused my family of betraying his and thinks that I married him only for duty and money. Unbeknownst to him though, I have always admired, respected and liked him from afar starting from when we were both in high school. While it is true that one of the reasons that I was bound to our marriage is because of my duty to my family, my own feelings for him is also instrumental in trapping me into my own cage of love, and forced me to agree to his conditions.
I do whatever little I can to show him that I love him and that my feelings are genuine but he never gives me a chance to show them. He's built a fortress around himself, a wall of ice that I can't seem to break or melt away, he wouldn't even let me get close to him at all. But, the last thing I want is to push my way in, so I am going to respect his decision of keeping me at arm's length away from him.
It was in my first year of high school when I first met him. He was a year older than me, I have already heard about him from a few of my friends who have met him before.
The rumors surrounding his family was that they almost went bankrupt a few years ago and now his father is doing his best to save their family business. Our first meeting was in the library, I was looking for a book in short stories in the fiction section. I saw an old book on the top shelf, but my short stature proved to be a hindrance in such situations as I struggled to get it. And then, he came from behind me and got the book I was reaching for from the top shelf.
He looked at the title briefly before handing the book to me saying, "I especially enjoyed The Lady or the Tiger."
I accepted the book from him and managed to say, "Thanks," before he walked away.
After that, I would visit the school library every day just to see a glimpse of him. I would always find him there, absorbed in a book or reviewing his notes from his classes. He would stay there until his cousin from the football club, who is in the same year as him, would come and pick him up to go home. I was a member of the literature club, and coincidentally, our president at the time was none other than his oldest cousin, the brother of the very same cousin who comes and picks him up all the time.
I wasn't the only girl that was interested in him though, our club president would often get asked by other female club members about Ryo or his younger brother, and although our club president thought it a pain to answer these questions, he none the less obliges. I would just sit there quietly with a smile as I listen to the others gush about him sometimes.
"How about you, Sachi? Do you have any question for me too about my brother or my cousin?" One day, I got asked this question by our club president since I was the only one who has not inquired about them.
"No," I simply answered.
"See that, we should have more members like her. Focused and not distracted by other unrelated things such as gossip about my good-looking younger brother and my cousin. Although I can't really blame the girls, after all, being handsome, does run in our family," our club president proudly said.
Through him, I learned that the person I liked was named, Ryo. Her mother was the younger sister of our club president's father, hence they have different last names. Ryo likes reading and is very studious, plays the piano and practices karate, on top of that, he is fluent in French and is currently learning how to speak Spanish. His favorite color is green and he is unbeatable in table tennis at home.
Although Ryo and I did not have an opportunity to interact with each other at all after that brief moment in the school library, we would still see each other around but since we were never friends and I had no confidence to strike a conversation with him unlike the other girls, I was always just contented by seeing and admiring him from afar. Although sometimes, during the odd times that our eyes would meet, he would acknowledge me with a nod and I would smile or nod back at him.
After high school I followed him to the same university, we got into the most prestigious business school in the country where most of the student body are sons and daughters of the biggest conglomerates domestically and internationally. But after the news of his father's death, something has changed in Ryo. It was like the innocence that he once had was stripped off of him and was replaced by a cold and calculating façade that he wore so well. We also seized to acknowledge each other with a smile, it was like I no longer existed for him. I even tried to talk to him once in the campus library but he just shooed me away. I was a junior and he was in his senior year, it was when I finally packed the courage to approach him after all these years.
"Uhm, hi. Do you mind if I sit here?" I asked him once while he was busy typing on his laptop.
"Actually I do, I'd like to concentrate on my thesis and I won't be able to do that if you're there, so if you don't mind choosing other available spots in the library, that would be great," he said it so bluntly and coldly with anger in his eyes and voice.
"Of course, I'm sorry for bothering you," I retreated, but when I looked back, I saw some girls approach him and asked to sit beside him and he happily made room for them.
After that fiasco, I never dared to approach him and tried my best to avoid and forget about him. However, since we were constantly in the same circles, we'd still often see each other, but I would avoid him like a plague by then.
Until, one day, we saw each other at a night club downtown. I just graduated from university at the time and so my friends and I decided to celebrate. It was an exclusive club where only the rich and the famous could afford to go. I got a little drunk and was trying to make my way to the ladies room when an old and drunk man came up from behind me all of a sudden, grabbed my right arm and started dragging me towards the stairs.
I protested and fought my way back but the man proved to be stronger even if he was in an incoherent state, he grabbed my wrist and it started to hurt. People started coming up from one of the rooms, I didn't look at them because I was so embarrassed being dragged around by a drunken old man by my wrist. Just before I got dragged to the fire exit where the stairs are, someone suddenly came from behind us and grabbed the man who got hold of me by the collar and gave him a punch which sent the drunk man reeling and he fell to the floor. And then the next thing I know, Ryo took my hand and we burst through the fire exit and made our way out.
***