I rushed inside the classroom overwhelmed with the reaction my body was giving me. I had cold sweat making its acquaintance all over my body.
Was it my body's fight or flight response? Could a look put my adrenaline into the highest possible gear?
Little did I know it was my body's flight response and I should have run far away then and there.
He was hunched over his desk, packing his books calmly. I didn't want to look in his direction but the entire universe was compelling me to do so and I didn't have the strength to resist.
I made a mental note of his hair, glasses, his body muscles, sneakers all in a few seconds. I had to be quick and hope that he didn't notice me staring at him so intently.
Lisa in the meantime met a couple of other friends and was all ready to head out.
"Rose, are you feeling alright?"
Someone tapped me on my shoulder as I sifted through a thousand thoughts and their consequences in my mind.
Why was his look so powerful that it completely melted me in just a few seconds?
Am I that weak?
No I am strong!
I turned back and found Ethan smiling at me.
Ethan was our class president. He was not only charming but also extremely athletic. He seemed to have the best of all the worlds, good looking with a dazzling smile plus his attire screamed of money but the kind that's not in your face.
His humility and kindness had won over all of us in such a short time and he unanimously won our class election.
"Nothing at all Ethan, it's just a little hot!" I scrambled through my sentence.
Ethan's smile turned into genuine concern, "Do you want me to adjust the class thermostat?"
"No it's okay, we are almost done for the day."
At this moment I could feel "not so friendly" looks directed at me, courtesy of my female counterparts all around me. Ethan was not only a class favorite but girls swooned over him. I did think he was hot and kind, a rare combination nowadays but couldn't bring myself to have a crush on him.
It would have been so much better if I had feelings for Ethan....
A string tugged my heart again and my eyes were drawn to the look that I could feel in every cell of my body. My eyes were stuck to his eyes like a magnet and it took me my last ounce of restraint not to look at him and him forever.
I turned towards Ethan, all ready to leave the classroom. I saw Ethan's eyes looking behind me and giving a smiling nod.
"Let's go Rose!" Lisa ran to me and took my hand.
"Ethan come with us, so who are you working with?" She proceeded to make small talk with Ethan.
I started walking a little behind them. I still felt his energy and attraction as he brushed right past me.
I was so delighted, because now I could stare at his back all I wanted and my eyes traced every single depression of his shirt.
I mentally scolded myself because I couldn't believe how creepy I was acting by my own standard. But that little logical part of me was shunned by my heart who was delighted at this free stare pass I got.
He quickened his pace and disappeared round the corner before I could even take in all of him, whatever little packets of time I was given to look at him just didn't seem enough.
I sighed and fell in step with Lisa and Ethan, trying to smile and not knowing what they were talking about.
We reached our dorm intersection, our university had different dorms at separate ends of the campus for girls and boys. Ethan smiled and said goodbye. As he walked towards his dorm, I couldn't help but search the path ahead him for someone.
"Omg! I completely forgot to ask Erick to be a part of our project!" Lisa sighed.
"Let's ask Ethan instead, isn't he so damn cool?"
Erick.
In all these surge of emotions, I never found myself looking for his name because I felt I knew his soul so well but once I heard his name, another wave of explosive energy washed over me.
Erick.
I should have just forgot about him then and there.
And just like that Lisa had changed her loyalties. I was relieved hearing her talk about Ethan and felt somewhat happy. The next second I looked away ashamed, why did I feel this possessiveness for Erick? I must have truly gone crazy.
Was I getting a fever or catching a flu?
Only that could justify my heartbeat and my body reaction.
We went straight to our dorm cafeteria, it was tea time and the aroma of freshly baked pastries lightened up my mood. We took a couple each and sipped our tea with our other dorm mates from different courses.
Momentarily, I was able to dull out my aching heart that felt empty because it had now known what It meant to be full. I too engaged fully in some scandalous story about a house party.
I came back to my room and slumped on bed exhausted, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket but my eyes couldn't keep themselves open anymore and I went deeper into the sweet embrace of sleep.