I walked downstairs with my headphones around my neck and my backpack slung over my shoulder. My mom looked at me and smiled. "Hey, sweetie. How'd you sleep?" She asked me. "Oh I slept fine." I replied, knowing I didn't fall asleep at all last night. "What's for breakfast?" My dad handed me some bacon and eggs as I sat down at the table. "Oh. It looks delicious, thanks." I forced a smile and I began to eat. Soon I was heading out the door and to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus. "Bye, honey! Have a good day at school!" My mom yelled from the door as the bus was pulling up. "Thanks, mom! I will!" I yelled back as I started to get onto the bus.
- - - - - -
Later, after school, I decided to walk home. I exited through the back doors and put my headphones on to listen to music while I walked. It was about a fifteen minute walk, and a five minute drive. I needed some time to think and be by myself. I passed a convenience store on my way and stopped to get a drink, paying with a bunch of loose change I had in my pocket. The cashier seemed unhappy with that, but I didn't care.
After I left, I continued walking slowly back to my house. I didn't want to go back in all honesty. I wanted to be alone, but I didn't have a choice... I sighed as I finally reached my driveway. My mom was waiting for me on the porch. "Hey, honey. I made cookies. Come on in and eat. I bet you're hungry after walking home." I gave her a weak smile and thanked her after walking into the house and to the kitchen. "They smell amazing, mom." She smiled at me and handed me a plate of cookies and a glass of milk. "Thanks, hon. I made them special for you."
I took a sip of the milk and said "Thank you. I'm gonna go eat in my room." I started up the stairs and heard my mother yell up at me. "Alright. Don't forget to bring the dishes down this time!" She chuckled. "I found a leaning tower of plates and cups today in your room." Panic settled in. It felt like a brick was just tied to my heart and thrown into my stomach. What if she found the blade I use against myself? Wouldn't she have said something? Or does she not even care? I quickly ran up to my room and to the drawer I keep the little blade in. Still there, I thought. "Thank GOD." I muttered under my breath. I didn't want her to find it. I didn't want the questions, or the worrying, or any of those awful feelings for them. They deserve to be happy, even if it means I suffer.
- - - - - -
Finally, after taking some deep breaths and eating my cookies, I started calming down. I need to stop getting into my own head, I think to myself as music is blasting into my ears through my wonderful headphones. I need a nap, I continue thinking to myself. I'll take the dishes down like mom asked and lay down for a while. I took the plate and cup downstairs to the kitchen and put them in the sink. As I was headed back upstairs, I hear my mom calling me. I froze, terrified.
"Y-yeah, mom?" I called back. "Dinner will be done soon, go wash up." I sighed with relief. I need to stop being so paranoid all the time. She doesn't Know anything, everything is alright. I assured myself as I walked upstairs to go clean myself up before dinner.