Lia knew of her physical limits. She would not be as strong as the protagonist to fight against whoever was after her mother. But she could not be a helpless person all her life. What she only had was her will to live, and she would do everything to make it happen.
The novel Lia passed the scholar's exam even if she only started studying seriously when she got into the palace. Yet she used that knowledge to hurt the people around her. To change her fate, Lia decided to study now and help her family of two. If there was something she could use to maybe help her survive this world, that would be the knowledge of medicine. And her only ticket to get that was Tamara. Getting this knowledge would be helpful if she was to survive in this world. She would not starve, she could heal herself, and if push comes to shove, she could defend herself from it.
She met Tamara's eyes and said, "I want to learn. These," she gestured at the books around her, "all of these."
"No," was the firm answer she got. Tamara shook her head, her face darkened. "You don't mean that."
"I mean it."
"Lia!" Tamara shouted. For the first time, Lia saw the older woman angry 'at' her. She was usually gentle and patient. But now, she was authoritative and regal. Like those queens ordering her people on the period dramas Lia used to watch. But she had to tamp down her fear. Shaking would not look convincing.
"I know you are stubborn, but this is not the time! You can't be seriously thinking about living like this all your life!" Pain crossed Tamara's features.
"Yes, I do. I plan to live like this for as long as I am alive."
Tamara's shoulder sagged, but the firmness in her eyes didn't decrease. "You can't be serious. You're still young. There will come a time when you would want to see the world, marry, and have kids. I was even planning on taking you to the festival so you'll start looking for a job. Find a way to leave this place."
"And leave you behind?" Lia raised her eyebrows.
Tamara nodded her head and smiled sadly, "I promised your parents that I will take care of you. I didn't do a good job at that so I want to make up for it."
"You've done a lot. I lived a good life because of you." While Lia only experienced Tamara's care for a short while, she understood now that the older woman cared for her like a real daughter. The old Lia took that for granted and Lia did that to her own mother. Look what has happened. She left both of her remaining family behind. She would not do that the second time. "You did so much already. Now, let me live my life. And don't worry, I'm not going to marry."
"It's not a good life," Tamara warned.
Lia learned that having a good life was a choice. She chose to be powerless and miserable before. She would not want to do it again. Besides, she was not going to learn just so she could identify a poison. Back in her previous world, she was a pharmacist but had wanted to be a doctor. Unfortunately, she had to drop out of med school before she could complete her degree. Her interest never died down, and it only intensified upon discovering traditional medicine. Now, it was in front of her very eyes. Would she let this opportunity go? Of course not.
"If people come in looking for trouble with us, we can protect ourselves. I'm old enough to protect myself, us. Believe in me. Please." The memories of her running away instead of standing beside her mother rushed back to her. "I don't want to run away anymore," she choked.
Tamara studied her for a while before sighing and dropping to a chair. She looked like she aged so much in their conversation. "There's really no convincing you when you already made up your mind. Alright, I'll teach you. But I want to remind you that this life we're leading is a tough road to take."
Lia smiled. "We can make it better. Even if it's just the two of us."
This was the life she had now, and she planned to live it fully. She would accomplish all the things the old Lia didn't achieve starting from keeping her family safe.
"We'll be fine," she said.