I wake up.
"Good morning, Lady Lunaria," a voice greets me. It's my maidservant, Anna. Something nags me at the back of my consciousness, and, well, it is my Blessing Ceremony tomorrow—
"-honor of doing me this dance?"
"-just a warm body, you bitch!"
"-two Noxes will die today-"
They come to me in flashes, and then the slow, creeping horror of being aware that the visions, in another life, certainly happened dawns on me. They happened. I was sentenced to a most shameful death after my own father. Nox House was disgraced. I was to be publicly beheaded before the entire court. I died... and came back?
But how can this be?
I scramble out of my bed and peer at myself in the mirror. What stares back at me is my seven-year-old self, my smoky blue hair an utter mess, my silver eyes wide in shock, my nightgown in disarray. Behind me, Anna follows and looks at me in concern.
"Lady Lunaria? Is something the matter?"
I need to be sure, "Tomorrow is my Blessing Ceremony, is it not, Anna?"
Anna seems perplexed. I was not the type to ask for clarification when I was already supposed to know the answer. She humors me, regardless, "Yes, My Lady. Your Blessing Ceremony is tomorrow at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. You will turn seven. May God bless you abundantly."
Anna smiles at me softly, her fondness for me shining in her expression. Anna has been my maidservant since I was four. I remember her pleading with me, alongside Erica and Gertrude, my two other maids, to allow them to follow me into the palace. They were my only allies in that Godforsaken place. Them, and my father.
"Anna, take me to Papa," I say resolutely. I want to make sure. I want to see my father alive and well before I decide what to do next. I don't know if this is real of just a very elaborate illusion God was merciful enough to grant me before I move on into the afterlife. But illusion or not, I shall not waste it.
I will see my father again, who loved me enough to die for me.
"Yes, Lady Lunaria."
I bathe and dress in record speed, hurrying my way into the breakfast area. Nox House is a fairly large townhouse located on the outskirts of the bustling capital city of Lychnus in Solaris. There are seventeen bedrooms, two of which are considered master bedrooms, two libraries, seven study rooms, three dining rooms, a ballroom, and two kitchens. Outside there is a stable, and the grounds are fairly vast. Well, I say townhouse merely because it's located in town. It's more of a manor, really. But I digress.
I suppose I'm only thinking of all of this now because everything House Nox owned had been stripped when I was beheaded. Or will be beheaded?
No. I cannot think that way. I will change things this time around, but first—
"Papa!" I burst into the breakfast room and run to my father, who looks shocked at my outburst. He stands from his place at the head of the table to greet me.
"Lunaria— what?"
I tackle him in a hug. To him, it must have been an uncharacteristic display of affection. We had never been close. When I was young, I believed him to be a cold man. Perhaps he merely needed me to reach out to him first.
I will not make the same mistakes the second time around. I will love my father as he deserves.
Tentatively, I feel his large hand stroking my hair. It is only then that I realize that I am crying.
My father tries to hush me as he asks me what's wrong, and a babble of nonsense spews from my lips:
"There was— treason— a guillotine! You were... beheaded! And I was too late!"
He's alive. Papa is alive!
As more nonsense (mirrors of truth) spews from my lips, and belatedly I realize that I do not wish to lie to my father. Not to this kind man. This man who, now that I think about it, started the rebellion in my honor: In honor of the daughter whom the King mistreated and abused.
In the end, I blurt out, "And I just wanted to tell you that I love you very much!" I let go of him to stretch my arms as far away from each other as they could, "THIS much!"
A polite cough from behind me interrupts my rambling, and I turn to see who it is. One of the Captains of House Nox is standing behind me by the entrance of the breakfast room, along with a dozen other soldiers. They were all staring at me in various states of amusement.
"It seems that the young Lady had a nightmare, Your Grace," the Captain says, his eyes glittering.
I flush.
Is it at all possible to die all over again from humiliation?
There goes my dignity .
With a small sound of embarrassment, I bid my father a good morning and turn to leave the room and (hopefully) flee my humiliating display.
Alas.
"Wait, Lunaria," father says.
I turn to him slowly, composing myself along the way, "Yes, Father?"
For some reason, he looks disappointed as he tells me, "You have not had breakfast yet. Won't you sit and eat with me?"
With reddened cheeks, I comply.
"So, Captain Marius, what business do you bring today?" Father asks once I have seated myself. I dare not raise my head to look at the good Captain and his soldiers.
Captain Marius is one of three Captains in the Nox army. He leads around five hundred men. Nox army is around four thousand men strong right now, but as I understand it, this number grows exponentially in the days leading to my execution.
I cannot help but wonder if the increase in soldiers meant that Father truly was gearing up for a revolution. I ponder on how long Father has harbored rebellion in his heart, and for what reason he has it.
"The guard detail for Lady Lunaria's Blessing Ceremony have been finalized. I came to report, Your Grace," says the Captain.
"I see," Father replies. He glances in my direction before saying, "Why don't we move this meeting after breakfast in my study? I wish to eat with my daughter before we begin."
The Captain chuckles, "Of course, Sir," and with a salute, leaves with the rest of the soldiers.
"Now," starts Papa, "What is this about a nightmare?"
I swallow the food I am chewing and shake my head, "It's nothing, Papa."
My father's expression brightens, and I realize that he adores being called "Papa." I remember the first time I called him this monicker, a lifetime ago. Before everything turned to dust. Now I know why he looked so stricken that day. It was because I called him "Papa."
"Really?" Fathe- no, Papa prods, "It's unlike you to... act that way, Lunaria— not that I mind!" With a cough, Papa composes himself, "But you must admit you're acting rather odd."
I nod absentmindedly, playing with my food. It was true. When I was a child, I did not do childish things. The weight of the future crown felt heavy on my shoulders. Right from birth, I had been taught that I was to rule one day next to the Sun of the Empire, King Adonis Sol.
I clench my fork. That son of a bitch. That bastard. I have never felt hatred as strong as this. Just remembering his face brings forth a rage so strong it nearly chokes me.
"Lunaria?" Papa's voice brings me out of my thoughts, "Are you quite sure you're all right?"
I startle and blink at him. Right. Nothing has happened yet. None of what happened has happened, and if I can help it, none of it ever will.
"It's truly nothing, Papa. I had— a bad dream. It's okay now, though, now that I have seen you."
And it was.
I would make sure of it. Things will be different, this time.
"Well," my father concedes, his face a little flushed, "As long as you're all right."
"Yes!" I cheerfully affirm.
Breakfast passes peacefully between Papa and I, and when we are finished, we part amicably by the door. I give him a small curtsy and hurry to my study.
My study is a room connected to my sleeping quarters. Everything is as I remember it. My room is painted a calming dark blue with aged mahogany furniture, perfectly preserved by the staff. I look outside one of my windows and take note of the vast grounds beyond the manor. To think all of this had been confiscated before my execution. I wonder who would have gotten it, had time not seemed to rewind.
I grit my teeth and stop thinking of these things. It is time to plan.
Anna, Erika, and Gertrude are inside my study when I enter. They know my habits well and wait on my every need. I am happy to see them again. In the future, the theee girls marry but remain in my service. I don't know what I did to deserve such loyalty, but such zeal must be rewarded.
"Ladies," I say when the three of them turn to me, waiting for instruction, "Since my birthday is tomorrow, all of you should go get the day off today."
The look of pleasant surprise on their faces warms me. They deserve so much more than to be treated like maidservants. Not that I ever treated them anything less than respectfully, but for now I aim to lesses the distance between us.
"My Lady?" Asked Erika, unsure.
"The next few days will be busy for a while. The theee of you deserve to get a break. I will be fine for today. There is not much to be done. My dress has been prepared, hasn't it?" I question, just to be sure.
"Yes, Lady Lunaria," Gertrude answers, deadpan as ever.
I am used to her though. With an impish little smile, I tell them, "Then it's okay if you get today off, isn't it?"
My maidservants look at each other before a large smile overtakes Erika's face. She has always been the most impetuous one. This time, she is the first to agree.
When all three of them finally leave, looking pleased and excited, I shut the door behind them and quietly go to my desk.
My desk is a child's desk, although something made for 12-year-olds. There is a stepping chair on the side that I must climb on in order to reach the chair. My legs dangle a little, and I wiggle around a bit as I get comfortable. When I finally am, I reach inside on of the drawers for a blank notebook and a pencil.
And I begin to plot.
I open the notebook to the first page and I write:
The Vision of the Future Granted by the Most High to Lunaria Nox
I list dates. I begin with tomorrow's date and write what is about to happen during my Blessing Ceremony.
Tomorrow is my seventh birthday, my Blessing Ceremony. In this land, there are two important dates for every child: their Blessing Ceremony, and their Coming-of-Age Ceremony. The Blessing Ceremony is on the child's seventh birthday, and of the two celebrations, is the one that is considered the more important. It is when a child's potential is measured, whether he or she will be called Blessed or Unblessed. Blessed children are children given permission by God to wield power, and the limits of this power vary. There are seven types of blessings: Light, Earth, Air, Darkness, Water, Lightning, and then Fire— this is in increasing order of rarity. In Solaris, the Kingdom of the Sun, the blessing of Light is the most common one. Uncharacteristically, Fire, the heart of the star, has always been the rarest one.
To be blessed with Fire is to be doubly blessed, because Fire is the rarest and most powerful blessing.
Which was why, on my first Blessing Ceremony, when I turned out to be Unblessed... I brought shame on my family. Because for generations, House Nox had always been blessed with Fire. It was the first time in recorded history that a Nox was not blessed with it.
There is a certain shame that does not go away at being Unblessed. It follows you throughout your lifetime. You are unfavored, without grace, Unblessed. You might as well be under a curse. To be Unblessed is anathema among Nobles. While it was rare to be Blessed among commoners, it was nearly unheard of to be Unblessed among Nobles— and for the future Empress to be Unblessed was a shock to them.
But this time, it will not matter. Blessed or Unblessed— I will take destiny by the horns and make it yield.
After writing a summary of the events tomorrow, I continue to write the major events in the future, but only the ones I deem important. Finally, after a few hours of diligent writing, I end with the last date:
Month of Renatus, 2147– XX
And that's all. Two X's. The memories are too fresh, still. I cannot write about both my child's and Papa's death so soon.
I cannot.
I would have named him Honoris, were he a boy; Selena, for a girl.
I clench my fists and breathe deeply. 'Tis water under the bridge now; light from a dead star.
I look at the two X's for a while, I know not how long, but a soft knock interrupts me. Another maid enters the study, someone I am barely familiar with. She gives me a brief curtsy before beckoning me for lunch.
"Of course," I say, "I will be a moment."
During lunch I am a spectre. I am so quiet and absent-minded that Papa has to get my attention a few times before I acknowledge him. I wave him off by telling him that I'm nervous about my Blessing Ceremony, and I cringe at the thought of what is to happen.
I'm sorry, Papa, but your child will be Unblessed.
An uncomfortable look passes over his face, before it clears. He coughs a bit and starts to awkwardly play with his cravat. I openly stare at him. My father is never this fidgety.
"Lunaria. Your mother-" he starts, and I startle. Papa has never talked about my mother before!
"Your mother was Unblessed. And she," he clears his throat, suddenly overcome with emotion, "She was the best person I have ever known."
I stare at him. A bit teary-eyed myself now, I reach out across the table to grasp his hand. "Thank you, Papa," I say.
When our lunch is over, he stops me by the door.
"Lunaria," he says, "You're growing to be just like her. Your mother, that is."
How could I have ever thought this man to be cold?
How wrong I was.
"Thank you, Papa," is all I can say, stuck on a broken record after my father's unexpected words.
I return to my room and continue to plot. This time, with the fire inside me burning bright.
I will not fail.