From the very beginning, my life had revolved around him. The moment I was born I had been chosen to be the future King's finacé, the Kingdom's future Empress. From morning 'till afternoon, all my lessons had revolved around how to be a good Mother to this empire, and my thoughts had centered around how I could be a good match for him in the future.
My, what a wasted life I had been living.
As I ponder my past life in my study, I get the urge to plot against everything. A blank page is set before me, on top of which I write:
Plans for THIS Future
There is nothing written below it yet.
Possibilities dance in my mind, possibilities about how I can change things for the better, this time. They are limitless. I see myself happy. I see myself enjoying life to the fullest– and I believe that that's all I really want: to live life to the full.
And so, with hope in my heart, I let go of my desire to control every action I will do from now on. This was my mistake from the start, anyway. I had thought that if I governed every step I took, made schedules out of my life, boxed my life in– it would be perfect. It didn't turn out that way. The more I tried to control my life before, the more it spiraled out of my hands. So beneath the heading, I now simply write:
To live life to the full
And that is that.
I will love with all my heart those who deserve my love, give my all to what I truly care about, and live life to its fullest potential.
This time I won't waste it all on one man– no, a monster. This time, I'll choose right.
With a small snap, I close the notebook and put it under lock and key. No one must find this. Inside my room is a small safe where not even Anna, Erika, or Gertrude can open, and they are in charge of my jewels. No, this safe is something every Heiress to House Nox is given, something wherein we keep our most precious possessions.
In my past life, I kept the stilted letters from Adonis there. How shameful. Now, more things than trash will be placed inside.
After I close the safe, someone knocks softly on my door.
"Lady Lunaria?" says a voice behind the door. It's Anna, back from her trip, it seems. "It's time for dinner," she says.
"Of course," I reply in my high, childish voice. I exit my chambers and follow Anna into the dining room, where Papa is already waiting for me. He's sitting in his usual place, looking down at his plate with a contemplative expression. When one of the servants pull out a chair for me, he looks up and addresses me:
"Lunaria. After dinner, there is somewhere I would like to take you."
Surprised, I can only nod my assent. We begin eating dinner and I ask him, "Where are we going, Papa?"
He smiles a little, his expression gentle, "It's a surprise."
This didn't happen last time, I think. The first time around, I remember the day before my Blessing Ceremony had not changed from the norm. Papa and I acted as we usually did: distantly and a bit cold towards each other. I wonder what has changed this time..?
Have things really changed so much in such a short time? I have been barely here for a day, and already things are changing.
And then I realize: Papa is not acting the same because I am not acting the same. Every little action I do changes things.
I ponder this realization until we finish dinner, and then Papa leads me to the front doors where a carriage is waiting. I enter before him and ask him again where we are going when the door to the carriage closes and we are plodding away to someplace.
Papa clears his throat, "We are visiting your mother," he says, and I a flinch in surprise.
"Mother's grave? We're visiting her grave?"
"There's something I wish to show you. Something you must know before tomorrow," Papa says.
The rest of the ride is once again spent in contemplative silence. Before long, we reach the edge of the grounds, where a garden has grown around a building where my mother is buried. I have only been here a few times in my past life, often during the Night of Souls, where Papa and I visited her according to custom.
Now we are visiting before the night of my Blessing Ceremony, and I wonder why.
"Come," Papa says, leading the way. He disembarks from the carriage and several balls of fire float around him. I stare, as I always have, in both awe and envy. The blessing of Fire is not one I see often, even around my father.
Once I am on the ground, Papa begins speaking:
"The House of Nox was not always one blessed with Fire," he says, "During our founding, we were a House known for the blessing of Darkness."
I knew this already from my lessons. "Nox" was Latin for the night, where our House took its name.
"What you don't know is that centuries after our founding, God thought it pleased Him to bless us with a new power altogether: that of Fire."
I gasp.
"Yes," Papa affirms, "We were the first Starborn in history."
Starborn: the moniker those blessed with Fire are given. As the heart of the star is the flame, so too, is the power of the Starborn. It is an awe-inspiring thing to know that my family, my lineage, birthed the first ever Starborn. Although I am conflicted with this information as I know that tomorrow will bring no Blessings for me, it is still information that I will treat precious.
We now reach the gate of the Nox House's mausoleum, an elegant, if eerie, two-story building housing the family's tombs. My mother's resting place is in there, alongside generations of Noxes.
"But tonight, I am not here to tell you about the illustrious history of our line. Tonight, my purpose is a humbler one," Papa says. He leads me to where my mother's resting place is: the glass case that houses her where her ashes and her portrait in life are. With gentle hands, Papa reaches inside and hands me the portrait of my beautiful mother.
"You have her eyes," Papa says. It is, once again, the first time he tells me this, and I tear up a bit. I have my mother's eyes, which people have always praised to look like the moon in its full. I can only hope I live up to her this time around.
My mother died when I was four years old, and so the memories are blurry now. But I do remember my father in his grief as he grew colder and colder, only thawing, now that I think about it, whenever I look at him.
My eyes must remind me of her. Perhaps, even more so when I became pregnant in that accursed past life. I brush the memories away, now, alongside my grief.
"Look at the back. There is an inscription," Papa says gruffly.
I turn the portrait around, and in delicate cursive, something is written:
"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
"There is a legend. The reason why those in House Nox became the first Starborn in this world. They say a star fell in love with the night and their union resulted in children with hair as dark as night, skin as pale as moonlight, and with the heart of the star inside their veins: fire.
"When I told your mother this legend," Papa continues, his voice going soft, "She told me she loved me not as for being a Nox, but for the brightness of my soul. To her, a commoner, and Unblessed at that, it was not my status she fell in love with, but who I truly am.
"Your mother was one of the best people I know." Papa has kneeled and is looking at me from a level height, "What I'm saying is, Lunaria. On your Blessing Ceremony tomorrow, Starborn or not, Blessed or Unblessed, your soul will still shine as bright as any star. Do you hear me?"
With tears streaming down my face, I hug my father tightly, the portrait of my mother safe in my hand. Like this, it's as if all three of us are together again.
"And I'm sure, whatever your results are tomorrow, your mother would have been proud regardless," Papa says, "So you don't have to worry anymore."
Huh?
"You've been acting really strange today. So I can only guess that you're worried about tomorrow."
I lean back from our hug and look at my father. So this is why things have changed so much! My father, reacting to my seeming "distress," has unknowingly altered events compared to last time.
It is refreshing to know that my actions aren't the only ones that will affect the course of events this time around. How people react can change as well.
"Thank you, Papa," I say, "I'm feeling better now."
We head back into the carriage, where the driver waits respectfully in his seat. Once we have been seated, we head back to the manor in companionable silence. Papa bids me goodnight by the stairs, where he heads into his chambers and I into mine.
That night, I dream of a woman with dark hair like mine embracing a figure clad in nothing but stars and darkness, and I wake, already feeling as if God had Blessed me in my sleep.
"Good morning, Lady Lunaria," Anna, Erica, and Gertrude greet me as I wake.
"We will get ready for your Blessing Ceremony after lunch, in the meantime, breakfast is ready," Erica says with a bright smile, "And Happy Birthday, My Lady!"
"We bought a gift for you while we were out yesterday," Gertrude said with a blank face.
"It's from all of us, we hope you like it!" Anna says.
From behind Erica's back, she procures three flowers: moon lilies in full bloom. I gasp.
"Moon lilies! My favorite! How did you get them to stay that way?" I ask, wonderfully surprised.
"Gertrude has a friend who is Blessed with Earth," Erica explains, pleased with my reaction.
"We asked them to petrify it for us," Anna says brightly, "They'll last for months, My Lady."
"This must have cost you guys a lot," I say, tearing up, "Thank you."
"It was nothing, Miss," Gertrude says with a rare, soft smile, "Our first present to you is long overdue, especially since you keep remembering our birthdays as well."
"I didn't get you gifts so you could repay me," I say softly, moving to stand from my bed.
"We know," Anna says.
Once again, this did not happen last time. I guess giving them the day off allowed them to get the gift for me. I chuckle wryly at the antics of my maids. They were so cute. After placing the flowers by my dresser and wishing me a successful Blessing Ceremony, my maidservants help me get ready for the day.
I bathe and dress quickly. When I exit my room, the manor is a bustle of activity. Servants are rushing to and fro, getting the place ready for later. In the midst of greeting me, they consult with each other over the party later. I even see Rembrandt, the Head Butler, speaking to the Head Coachman, Bernard, by the front doors when I pass them on my way to breakfast. I giggle. They usually do not get along at all.
The windows are shined, curtains exchanged for more lavish ones, and suits of armor gleam from their stationary positions against walls. The manor is lively and looks ready for a grand celebration.
I enter the breakfast room to see Papa already seated, speaking to Captain Marius, who is stood by his elbow. I curtsy to the both of them and greet them good morning. Papa returns my greeting and bids me to sit down, while Captain Marius greets me an exuberant good day and a Happy Birthday. I blush and give him my thanks.
"Preparations are complete on our end," Captain Marius says, "We are but waiting for the guests to arrive."
"Excellent," Papa says, "You're dismissed."
Captain Marius salutes and leaves.
"So," Papa says, turning to me, "How are you feeling today? All right, I hope?" His last question is stated awkwardly, and I giggle. Papa was just too uncomfortable with showing his caring side. Perhaps he lacks the practice.
"I'm all right, Papa," I reply, "I was a little out of it yesterday, but I had a wonderful dream last night so now I'm feeling wonderful."
"A dream?" he asks, his eyes suddenly sharp, "What dream?"
"Hm? Well, it was of a woman embracing a dark figure clad in stars," I answer him uncertainly.
Worryingly, Papa frowns, "A woman? Not a young girl?"
"No," I say, "She was definitely a woman."
Papa is now frowning at me, and I start to get worried, "What is it Papa? What, is this about the dream?"
He continues to ponder me for a few more tense moments before he says, "Lunaria... do you, perhaps, see yourself as a grownup?"
"What?" I ask him with shock because it is true. My memories of my past life are still at the forefront of my mind, and I still see myself as the 25-year-old woman I had left behind.
Papa is silent for a while before he explains, "That dream you had is called a Dream of Becoming. Most don't know about it, because it's a rare occurrence before Blessing Ceremonies, even to those who are Blessed. It's usually a sign of great favor from God, and reveals a glimpse of the inner soul of the dreamer and of which Blessing he or she will receive."
I feel my eyes widen in shock. What? But I was Unblessed in my past life! This did not happen! Why are things so different this time around?! It can't be! I was Unblessed!
"We still don't know for sure what your blessing will be," Papa continues, "But a Dream usually means there is a blessing." This time, he smiles, with a proud glint in his eye, "I know I told you it would not matter if you are Blessed or Unblessed, and it still doesn't, but I cannot help but be proud, Lunaria."
I swallow. But I will be Unblessed, later.
Won't I?
The day passes by in a blur. After lunch, I am harangued by my maids into my room and dressed to the nines. By 3 o'clock, the guests start arriving. The whole hour, I can hear the loud voice of the announcer, his voice amplified by a Wind Blessing, the names of the nobles who have come. More and more people are announced, and I grow tenser by each minute.
My maids look at each other in worry, thinking I am worried for my ceremony.
I am not. I'm waiting for the names that are announced just before mine and my father's was, in my past life: that of the King and his son.
I am about to meet the child who will murder me today.
Despite my wonderful day yesterday, it is proving difficult to prepare myself for our encounter. But by 3:50 PM, I am ushered out of my room into the quiet hallway, and my father meets me before the door to the hall leading to the ballroom. He looks quite moved by my appearance, telling me that I will grow up to look just like my mother.
And then, I hear it:
"HIS MAJESTY, THE SUN OF THE EMPIRE, KING THADDEUS PETROS LUMOS SOL, AND CROWN PRINCE ADONIS THADDEUS LUMOS SOL!"
What?
Adonis Thaddeus Lumos Sol? Not Helios? Adonis of Light, not Adonis, the Starborn?
Something is wrong. Something is really, really wrong.