He was getting too old, Riley decided. Too tired. Too weary. He was losing his cutting edge. His emotional resilience was gone. He'd like to blame Hannah for that, as well, but he couldn't. The problem was his own. The stark truth of the matter was he'd never been in love before and he'd lost his heart to her that night in Seattle.
His heart and his mind.
All his life he'd been waiting to meet someone like her. He just never expected it to happen in a waterfront bar. He'd seen her and wanted her immediately, not recognizing himself what it was he found so damned appealing about her. After three months of marriage, he knew. He'd been attracted to her innocence, her generosity of spirit and her awesome ability to love. For once in his life, Riley needed a woman to love him. Someone who belonged to him. Someone not bound to a memory.
He couldn't, he wouldn't share her.
But he did already.
As he lay next to Hannah, her measured, even breathing echoing in his ear, the implications of his situation pounded at his temples with the sharpness of a hangover.
He could fight her love for Jerry, do everything he could to wipe out the other man's memory. In essence Riley could shadow-box with a dead man. Or he could accept her love for the seminary student and go on, doing his utmost to be the best husband he knew how to be – always knowing, always conscious that he was a damn poor second choice.
The choice, however, had already been made. The gold wedding band on his finger was reminder enough of that. The child growing in Hannah's womb convinced him there could be no turning back now. That being the situation, the best Riley could hope for was that, in time, she'd be able to look past the hard outer crust he wore like battle armor and come to love him, too.
Love.
No one had told him it was such a painful emotion. Powerful enough to break a man, topple him from his prideful perch and leave him shaken and unsure. Riley loved Hannah and their unborn child beyond reason. Enough to cast, all pride aside.
She stirred and rolled closer to him, draping her arm across his stomach. Her bare legs scooted next to his as she drew in a deep, even breath. Lying as she was, her stomach nestled against his side, reminded him how grateful he was that she hadn't lost Junior. He'd never experienced such panic as he had the night he'd driven her to the hospital.