I didn't sleep. I pretended to. Even when Pierre had left the house early in the morning I was awake the whole time he was with me in my bed.
I don't know if he had a nice sleep but I am sure as hell that I did not. Yes, my body was so freaking tired since we didn't stop till it was midnight and I was sore enough to be able to walk properly but every time I close my eyes to sleep, it only frustrates me. I couldn't sleep at all because what happened last night keeps on replaying in my mind and my conscience is killing the hell out of me.
Then flashes of last night's scenario brushed my mind again. I tightly close my eyes and grab a fistful of hair. What have I done?
It was the main reason why sleep didn't even visit me. I had séx with Pierre Monteblanco. I mean, what has gotten into me to be able to do it?
He is Lucian's older brother. My boyfriend's older brother.
And my biggest problem is I surrendered myself to him over and over till he decided to stop. He took the initiative to end the séx, and I... I was so embarrassed and even had the decency to question him why.
I mean, why did I have to ask that? I even remembered begging him last night to continue. It was as if I had no inhibitions at all, I could say whatever I want to. And that is so unlike me. I mean I filter my words.
Then instantly, the rest of the unwanted events flashed before me and all I could do was writhe in silence. As if those forbidden memories slapped me directly on my face, making me realize that I was the one who initiated it to happen.
And now, I can feel my head throbbing like it was hit by a steel hammer, it's very painful it felt like breaking.
I took a deep sigh. Frustrated. Tired. Troubled. I couldn't even utter a single word to justify what I am feeling. It didn't even sink in yet that it really did happen.
Nevertheless, I gently remove the covers and I saw the bloodstain on the bedsheet. Another slap from last night's mistake.
Now I badly want to cry in despair. I cheated. And worst of all, it was his brother.
I mean, how could I? Why did you let this happen to yourself, Justine Elle? What has gotten into you? Why? Why were you able to do this thing to Lucian?
Guilt is very far from what I am feeling. I committed a great mistake, as never have I thought I could do.
I don't even know if I could solve this or if there is any better solution. I just can't say this to Lucian without hurting him. And what would my Dad tell me if he finds out about this?
And what would Pierre do?
Goodness. This is bad Justine Elle Pollo. So bad.
"Senorita Elle? "
A knock on the door startled me. I automatically grab the covers and wrapped them around my naked body.
Then Maria came in with a tray of which I presume was my breakfast.
"Oh sorry Senorita, were you about to take a shower? Senorito Pierre ordered me to have your breakfast ready before he left."
Pierre?
Maria smiled at me then placed the tray on the table.
"Where is he now Maria?" I asked with urgency.
Maria immediately look at me, surprised at the tone of my voice. But it was less of my concern, I was more curious as to why Pierre did it.
"Uhmm he left after having breakfast with your Father Senorita," Maria answered carefully.
I nodded my head. What could Dad and Pierre talk about over breakfast? I mean Pierre is unexpected. You can't calculate his moves. And this time is crucial, I can't let Pierre sabotage everything.
I glance at Maria who was standing near the door while looking at me, probably waiting if I still need something else.
"Oh, s-sorry Maria thanks for bringing the breakfast, you can go now," I said, almost on the verge of crying. But I did my best to keep a strong facade to hide my frustrations.
Because whether I like it or not, all of this that happened was my fault. Because I let it happen.
And for sure it will be a bloody battle between myself.
"Okay... but Senorita Elle, are you okay?" she asked worriedly and I gave her a weak smile and nodded.
"O-of course, please don't mind me, I still have a hangover from last night's grand party" was all I can say.
"Why it was your first ever party Senorita, you never had such birthdays before so it was indeed so memorable for you and also for all of us," Maria answered gladly.
I gave her a warm smile. I should feel genuinely happy about it, yet all I could feel was the opposite. I can't get to feel that happiness knowing that the grand party led me to commit the biggest mistake in my life.
"Oh, I talked too much. I'll leave now Senorita" Then she went out of my room. I sighed deeply when she left.
Now all of my troubles clouded in my mind. I looked at the yummy sandwich at the table and smelled the coffee. I can't even bring myself to eat. Not when all I could think of is last night.
"Ugh my head hurts like crazy and I think it's because of the alcohol I consumed at the party. Samantha gave me the hard drinks"
I pushed myself to walk to the bathroom even though I felt so sore. I needed a warm dip in the tub to ease this. And that would be the first problem I need to solve.
After that long dip in the tub and finishing my meal, I called in my cousins for some advice. Yet it was only Samantha who picked up my call.
"So... how was last night?" She asked excitedly. There was something off of her tone. I knew it because Sam is usually crazy.
But I shrug the thought of and answer her.
"It was memorable, you know I didn't celebrate birthdays like yesterday. It was fun and---
" Oh no dear cousin that was not I was pertaining to?" she interrupted which made my brows meet in curiosity.
"What do you mean?"
She giggled before answering and it suddenly made my heart stop. I swear if Sam had her tricks again...
"I added a little aphrodisiac at your drink last night, I wanted to spice up your love life with Lucian. So how did it go?"
My grip on my phone tightened upon hearing her confession.
"Samantha Zoebel Smith why did you do that??!"
She only laughed at me as if I was freaking out over something so petty.
"Come on Tine, you were so uptight and Lucian is a bit uptight too, so I took the initiative to upgrade you into the next level," she said as if she is a love expert.
I groaned in frustration, slapping my forehead at her unreasonable explanation.
"So how was it?" She asked again, the excitement in her voice was still there.
I rolled my eyes.
"Nothing happened Sam" I answered bitterly. But Pierre and I did, was what I wanted to add but I just kept my mouth shut. I can't trust Sam anymore.
"Really? I should've doubled the dose" she said then laughed wholeheartedly. I keep on rolling my eyes, I wanted to knock her head for what she did.
"Kidding aside Tine, but don't worry... Maybe it was not just your time... And I just added a little dose of the drug, in other words, it could still affect your decisions but you are mostly sane to identify if the decision is right or wrong. It's too little to tickle your mind."
My eyes widen. Does she mean to say that all I did yesterday was out of my rational mind? But it was all wrong.
"Hey Tine, still there?"
I blinked twice and focused my attention back at Sam.
"Uhmm yes, you were saying?"
She puffed a sigh.
"Are you sure nothing happened between you and Lucian? You seemed out of yourself"
My heart thumped nervously.
"Goodness, of course, nothing happened," I said defensively and I could see her smirk face from my mind.
"Really? Nothing huh? I doubt it, but I might get an idea if I could see you" Sam said suspiciously. I tried not to panic.
"Whatever Sam, anyways I gotta go. I need to talk to Dad now"
She chuckled before saying goodbye. I put my phone in my pocket and walked to Dad's library.
I knocked on the Door first and came in right after.
"Dad?"
Dad was not in the library, instead, it was Pierre. My eyes widened in surprise. Didn't Maria tell me he left?
But there was a relief knowing that Pierre and Dad hadn't met yet.
" Your Dad didn't come home yet, don't blame Maria for giving you the wrong info. I order her to tell you that," he suddenly said as if he can read what is on my mind.
Then he stood up from Dad's chair and went near me. On reflex, I took a step back, my hands touched the knob.
"Don't dare leave this room or you'll be sorry" he said dangerously.
I gulped. This is what I told myself, that Pierre is nothing but big trouble.
"Now be a good girl and go sit on the couch. We need to talk"
I wanted to disagree but I am more afraid of what he'd do if I keep my stubborn self. So I had no choice but to listen and hear his piece.
We both settled down, he was in front of me while his legs crossed and his hands rest on each side of the chair. Come to think of it, he was wearing the suit he wore last night. The last two buttons were broken and there was a smudge of makeup in his polo.
I felt my cheeks heat up.
"You fancy details Justine, but you never even noticed that Sam had put something on your drink last night"
I raised my brow.
"Okay, so let me clear this thing up, we both are adults. I'm single and I f*cking know you are in love with my brother... But since we shared unprotected sex last night so who knows, you might be carrying my heir by now..."
I immediately shook my head, interrupting him this time.
"I don't like where this is going Mister Monteblanco"
He smirked at me.
"It is not up to you Justine, whether you like it or not, you'll break off with Lucian" he ordered as if it was the best thing to do.
I slowly shook my head. I was horrified at the idea. No. Of course not.
I ran my fingers to my hair. If this is just a dream, I would love to wake up now.
Then, Lucian and our memories together visited my mind. How we met, how I pursued him and how I became his number one supporter. I even have a picture of him on my bedside table. It was a stolen shot of him way back when we were still freshmen. He was laughing in the picture. He was still sweaty and his hair was kind of messy yet it didn't make him look bad at all. It was the middle of the semester and he was on the basketball team that time and they were all joyous because the team won. I remember how happy he was. He was the most beautiful man I ever laid my eyes on.
And it would break my heart, knowing I'll be destroying that joyful Lucian. No, as much as possible. I won't let that happen. Lucian and I will still be happy, together.
Lucian loves me and I do... love him. That's all that matters.
"You can't love the man you cheated on, spare my brother for a big heartache. The quicker you break off with him, the quicker he'll move on"
Yes, it should be that easy. But what does a cold-hearted man like Pierre know about love? He is a monster. He sees women as a pastime. He can order around everything and have anything with just a click of a hand.
He is that powerful. He is that dangerous.
But he can't do that to me. Not me.
"No, I. Love. Him... so No" I answered, emphasizing every single word.