September 3, 2019
Saturday, 7:41am
...
I wake up.
I see Kent right next to me, both of us naked, under the sky blue flower bedsheets of my bed.
I lay back down, turn to my left, to see an angel cute face sleeping like a baby. His eyelashes are so beautiful and long. I touch his eyelashes as I smile how I'm even alive with this cute guy by my side.
He's still sleeping though.
I touch his cheeks, then caressed his pretty brown hair.
But he's still fucking sleeping.
At this point, my anxiety clusters my mind thinking he is dead.
I mean, after sex? Jesus Christ.
"Hey?." As I lightly patted his head.
"You alive?" I added again.
He wakes up with a "Mhm"
He slowly opened his light brown eyes, it's like looking at a perfectly-made cup of black coffee.
He scratches his head and eyes.
"Good morningfssk..." He said, in a frisky just-woke-up cute voice.
He smiles.
"Hey," I smile back.
"Did it end like you wanted?" He asks and laughs.
"Yeah," I laugh back.
We stared at each other as I gently kissed his forehead, then to his nose, then to his pouty lips.
He raises an eyebrow and slowing standing up, "wait, what's the time?" He asks
"It's..." I look at my Minnie Mouse clock, "it's 7:40 something." I replied.
"Oh," feeling relieved about something, he lays back on my bead.
"Why? Do you have plans later?" I ask curiously.
"Yeah... We're going back to Mike's later, this lunch." He replies with my pillow on his head.
I was confused.
"What... Are you gonna do there?" I ask gently.
He pauses first, before answering, "Just something, me and Iane will be there though."
I honestly don't have any idea what the three of them do anymore. Sometimes, he'll just casually say that he's gonna meet with Mike today or, "sorry I gotta go," and it's a bit frustrating, but how can I ever say 'no, don't' to this cute boy.
"A-alright..." I steadily replied.
There was silence.
He suddenly stands and stood there with a "wait a minute" face.
"What?" I asked, startled
"Wait, isn't there a party later? Iane said so," He said.
"Well yeah, are you coming? 'cause if you are then I might as well come." I said.
"Sadly, I can' t, I'll probably stay at Mike's later for like, one third of the day? Probably? But you should definitely go." He insists.
And there goes my social anxieties.
"What, you know I can't." As I rubbed my arms in anxiety.
"I can't just go to a party without a person I know." I exclaimed. "I don't really like strangers."
"Well," he turns back at me, then says, "You'll just have to make some there."
Hearing those words were like swords of discouragement for me.
"But... But that's hard, for me.." I said in a silent voice, looking down at my feat, toes caressing each other.
"Hey hey hey," he goes close to me, holds my face with his two hands.
"You are Lynn Dominique, the most gwapang babae in my life, and me, personally, the most amazing boyfriend you can ever have." He winks, I laugh.
"You can do this, it's nice making new friends in this toxic old world, you know?" He reassures.
Well that's the first time I've agreed to any thing he says.
He caresses my face with his fingers. His thumb slowly rubbing my cheeks.
"What about, okay, how about we go somewhere, only the two of us, Only If you get atleast one new friend, as long as she adds you in Facebook." He says in a courageous voice while crossing his arms.
"That's kinda pressuring, but..."
I decide if I'd risk my life getting embarassed again and decreasing my already bad reputation.
But, I guess I'll try.
"Okay f-," he jumps in excitement.
"Yes!!" He happily says and kisses me in the cheeks.
"Fine-," I laugh, "just promise me we'll go somewhere, alright?"
"I will!" He says, "I just want you to have fun there for once."
"I will." I smile, and he smiles back in relief.
He comes closer again and kisses me.
"I'll call you later then?" He says.
"Alright," I said.
He kisses me again in the forehead, gets his things and clothes on the floor and gives me a flying kiss.
"You can do this babe!" He shouts as he leaves.
I laugh
"Love you!" I said.
By the time I said that, he's already left the house.
...
Same day, 5:56pm
It's almost 6 and the party starts at 6.
Jesus Christ, why did I even sign up for this shit.
Aside from the part where Kent and I will be alone somewhere, I can't fucking believe I AM ACTUALLY going to a fucking party.
All. By. My. Self.
My heart beats like it was fucking chased by a dog.
You know.
I could just NOT go to the party and just find a fucking random friend in Facebook or some shit, so I don't have to go losing my reputation to some kids at my school.
But I'm not really that type of person to lie to someone you love.
Although, side note, I could talk to Chloe there.
Yeah.
I think I could talk to her there, maybe things'll work out in the end.
Unless I get drunk as hell and puke all over the fucking venue.
Or I'll probably apologise to Chloe but then proceeds to humiliate her because I'm drunk.
Or like, have sex with some stranger?
For Fuck's Sake
I've never been this anxious before, to be at someone else's place. Just to party? Have a friend?
2 minutes in, and it'll almost be 6.
I better decide now or I'm fucking fucked.
I proceeded to unlocking my cellphone, clicked Spotify then opened my playlist called; "Bedroom Indie"
It's just a playlist full of Indie songs I listen at bed... Which are kind mostly about anxiety and depression, sooo.
Sometimes, when I struggle at something (emotionally) I usually just click 'Shuffle' on my playlist and it miraculously jus tplays something related to my problem which eases my soul.
Hopefully it works this time.
I clicked once.
It played 'Bad Ideas' by Tessa Violet.
Okay, uh
I'm not good at describing metaphoric meanings to things but, going to the party is a bad idea?
I clicked again.
It played 'dead girl in the pool' by girl in red.
...
Okay is Spotify fucking with me or am I actually going to die at the party?
Well, that girl is most probably me at some point if I DO go.
Then, lastly, I clicked again.
It played 'okay' by LANY and Julia Michaels
Okay.
Well that's good I guess.
It's what people say, third times the charm... Ha. Funny.
Well, I made my mind, I'm going.
I get my old make up kit, highlighting those sides mhm yes, then maskara, some black highlights on my eyes and lipstick.
I stretch my back, hips, left to right, I slap myself about three times, and went to my closet.
Denim jumper with a white shirt?
... Too innocent
Black dress?
... Too dark
Pastel pink Blouse with flowers
... Fuck yeah.