As soon as I said that, she gave me a very shocked and disconcerting look. I asked her to follow me to the couch so we could talk all of this over. Before any of us even said anything, I could see tears welling up my mother's eyes, seemingly due to the shock brought about by my revelation. Her posture was that of a guilty person that's very unlike her usual bubbly and commanding personality. She was fidgeting her fingers and repeatedly dragging her hands across her knees. She had her head down and her shoulders slouched. I knew I was about to squeeze the truth out of her but a part of me was feeling sorry for causing her to be this way. But I had to learn the whole truth and so I asked.
"Mom, what had happened and what has been happening all these years?"
"Jake, look, I'm sorry for..."
I cut her off sensing that she was trying to apologize and try to convince me to not dig deeper.
"Mom, I just wanna know why you did what you did. I'm not mad (just a tad bit agitated by the fact that my own mother hid everything from me) so I don't really need apologies. I need explanations. Please, just tell me."
She took a deep sigh, and though traces of unwillingness were seen in her facial expression and body language, she had no choice but to answer me.
"Okay, fine. A few years ago, you found a girl in the outskirts staying within a pile of trash. You were such a kind soul and offered her to come home with you, with us. You practically begged us to let her in our home, so we did. We brought her to our home, gave her a change of clothes, fed her, and gave her all her necessities, and she stayed with us for quite a while."
"Yeah, Rose right? I know about her."
"You do? Alright, guess you really remembered, huh? So moving on, one night, she came to me and asked me to let her head away from our household because she felt that she was becoming a burden since we weren't all that well off before. Of course, I was shocked and reluctant. But I had to think about you and your future. We weren't rich Jake. We only had enough for us. Though it pains me to say this, but she was right. She was slowly becoming a burden to the family. Although I was extremely sorry, I gave her a little pocket money and let her go. That same night, you woke up trembling after having a nightmare and suddenly asked me for Rose. I had to tell you that she wasn't going to be part of the family anymore so you had tantrums and ran out the door. I went after you since that was already past midnight and it was dangerous on the streets especially since you were still young."
"So, was that how I got into the accident?"
"Yes."
"What happened?"
"I chose to use our beat up car that night because you ran away faster that I could. While I was looking for you in the middle of the cold night, I passed by an intersection when.."
She stopped talking for a long time and couldn't continue. I looked at her face and saw the tears dripping down from her shiny eyes towards her smooth cheeks as she began crying. I hugged her and consoled her. But the story was still not over. And so I asked her again.
"So mom, what happened at the intersection?"
"I had to step on the breaks really deep as I saw a figure pass by the front of the car. A figure of a child. That night, I had hit a child, Jake."
"And that child..."
"I'm sorry Jake."
My mother cried out loud for the first time since my dad passed away. She began to go on her knees pleading for forgiveness. Something within me wanted to console her, but a greater part of me felt remorse and hatred. I was almost killed by my own mother. Just then, the home doorbell rang and I headed to the front door. It was Rose. She finally mustered up the courage to come over.
"Okay, you're here as well."
"Yeah. I decided to come by and figured it would be best to tell you the truth from all angles of the story."
"Okay then. Let's hear it."
As soon as I said that, my heart started racing at the thought of finally knowing and filling the gap in my memory. Though I'm not mentally nor emotionally prepared to learn the rest, I'm somehow relieved that I get to finally know the truth. No matter what the truth holds, I have to accept it as it cannot be changed. I'm heading for the conversation with my fingers crossed.