Caesar found the darkness and hushed night strange though fascinating. Living alone in his mansion no, their mansion, He hadn't grown used to the lonesome midnights, the vacant bed. The shattered glass from pictures on the ground, the holes punched inside the walls. This darkness he'd established did he deserve it? When he'd come home from work, he would forget that his wife Milani wasn't there slumbering on the couch. He would forget and bring flowers to a desolate home. It crushed him.
He would find himself some days slithering to the living room after he got home from work to hug her but later come to find an unoccupied dark room. In the mornings when he'd wake up he'd recall the smell of home-cooked breakfast and the lovely melody of her singing. He brought this upon himself; he reflected as he stepped out into the darkness, he previously called his loving front yard.
Today had been one hell of a day for Caesar. He had lost his car keys to a carjacking, three of his trustworthy employees quit. For some odd reason his oldest brother had stopped communicating with their family for weeks, Caesar included. He wouldn't leave his mansion for anybody. It was unusual given the fact that him and Mason were inseparable.
Seven months ago Sarah found out she got pregnant and the dates matched when they clowned around. Caesar's dad had yet to speak to him after the announcement of his divorce. Shuffling into the dark mansion Caesar dumped his briefcase on the floor. The most beautiful of memories him and his wife had shared turned into the worst. Agony shot through him as if there was a dagger piercing his insides. As, if one fragment of the rough glass frames he broke pierced inside him. His eyes, already red and puffy from mourning, squeezed shut pushing more tears out.
Caesar stepped into the kitchen heating leftovers his little sister cooked for him last week. Beep Beep he loosened his tie, Caesar took the bowl of spaghetti and walked straight into the dining room. It was a giant space, to say the least. The dinner table was lengthy, wide and solid lumber. It was a room anyone would yearn to have over the holidays. With Christmas lights decorated around the room. He sat down staring at the hollow chair in which she used to beam in, where she laughed, chatted, hummed, joked. What had he accomplished?
What did he achieve? Caesar knew he messed up something so wonderful for a decent, quick meaningless fuck. Who cared if she cheated on him? It was only once right? How many times had he cheated on her? He pondered while playing with his meal. It was payback, he should have never taken Milani for granted.
He went through his phone noticing that he had received a voicemail while at work, curious he clicked on the unfamiliar number. "Hello Mr. Michaels, It's Dr. Johnson from the hospital calling. I wanted to inform you that the DNA test you presented us with matched Ms. Taylor's baby. Personally i know you didn't want this to be true but the DNA analysis does not lie. I'm sorry to have called you so late, perhaps you are already in bed, I will inform my nurse assistant to fax you the DNA documents, goodnight." Caesar slammed his fist down onto the dinner table he couldn't accept he had gotten another woman pregnant rather than the woman he had planned too.
He returned to the kitchen grabbing himself a beer, cursing the voicemail for spoiling his appetite as he walked to his bedroom. Caesar hadn't been in that room ever since they settled their divorce. It was like a void, a dark solitary void. The never ending dark void that consumed everything, including his soul leaving him feeling like nothing. He was empty, no emotions raced through his mind. Caesar yanked open the dresser next to his bed inside were; old towels, a collection of mail and a small journal. He'd notice that journal a few times before with Milani but he never cared enough to ask what it was. He grasped the journal glancing at the front cover. Milani's. Reluctantly Caesar turned the cover over to the first page.
Dear diary,
Today I had had to search all around town for papa. Everybody thinks he's nothing but a drunk and I can't help but think maybe they're right. He missed my first father daughter dance to drink. Could you fucking believe that? I'm his fucking daughter for fucks sake. He's supposed to be there for me, he's supposed to comfort me when I'm sad. Sometimes I wish I could run away to anywhere but here. He's such a drunk he hangs out with the wrong crowd. Yesterday he brought home a group of guys dad and all his friends were passed out except for one who kept touching my leg. Calling me pretty and what not until he passed out, I felt so dirty. I was lucky that he never got that far. Can this nightmare please end? I'm only fourteen I shouldn't have to act like a mother to him. I honestly can't wait until I'm eighteen. I missed when mom and dad were together and when we lived happily. You're practically the only good thing I have left in life, I love you journal and goodnight.
Nothing could express the sorrow Caesar felt at that discovery of the first diary entry. He had knew what his wife went through and how her dad was drunk all the time. But he never knew about her father's friends and their attitude towards her. The thought caused his blood boiled at the image of men touching what was his. Caesar cooled down enough to flip the pages halfway into the journal. Caesar sat down beside his bed and pulled out the journal he had been reading.
Dear diary,
I have a small confession, please forgive me for pouring out my heart in this pathetic way. I cherish high school where Caesar and I first met. To be honest, I didn't care for school until we became friends. The moment I laid eyes on him, I knew he would be a dangerous one. Recently, I have regarded Caesar as much more than just a friend. My feelings for him intensified when I saw him smiling in the moonlight. His tremendous personality further wowed me. He has eyes like raging waters and the most perfect lips I've ever seen. When I look at him, I want to stare at those raging water eyes forever and kiss those perfect lips. He was special, the way he would handle his brothers' wild behavior showed great kindness and patience. I know that to him I'm just a caring angelic little sister from God's arms but I think we could be happy together. That's if he even gives me the chance. Anyway goodnight journal ily.
Yours, Ailani
October 5th 2012
Salty tears dropped from his eyes to his chin, drenching his shirt. Caesar placed shaky fingers to his mouth to silence an involuntary cry. Perhaps those tears would help drain the pain away. Pressing his head against the journal he sighed. Baby blue, her favorite color, she was so innocent Him however knew he was anything but innocent. He was a monster of a husband, not even deserving of the luxury of being called a man. His body was throbbing, his soul shuddered. Caesar couldn't stop. The sobs punched through, ripping throughout his muscles, bones, and guts. Before Caesar knew it he had cried myself to sleep.
A piercing noise jerked him back to reality. He witnessed himself as a beautiful dream with his beautiful wife faded away. What was once a lonely room became polluted with loud, obnoxious yelling. "Are you going to lay there all day? You've been lying down in the same spot for over twenty-four hours and believe me; you look like a bum. Also, just so you know, I found out about the DNA test, you prick. You remember that it takes two people to tango right? Get up and stop mourning around about your failed marriage and marry me since I'm the mother to your child. Or else I'll tell your family what happened that night instead of your petty excuse on why you both divorced." He growled glaring at the woman in front of him while struggling to slip on a white T-shirt and grey sweatpants.
Brushing his hair back, Caesar decided to pull some to the front. He took a quick shower then walk down the stairs, smelling the eggs and bacon being cooked. "I made us some breakfast so we can talk and discuss what we'll do with Mary and the child support." It wasn't until then that Caesar saw Sarah holding his daughter sleeping in an armchair. "C-CCan I hold her," she smiled at him gesturing a yes, it was the first time he'd held her ever since Sarah got back from the hospital.
Picking her up Caesar looked at her face, any competent person could see she resembled him down to the dimples. Memories of Milani and him ran throughout his brain. He remembered in high school how he always told her he loved her. That they'd start a family together and how no matter what she'd always be his. They didn't, and the disappointment brought tears to his eyes once again.
"I'll marry you only on one condition. Please don't damage my brothers heart anymore than you already have. You also won't speak a word to anyone about what happened that day between Lani, me and you." A wide grin grew onto her face, it bothered him but he had to deal with it. "Ok, I understand it's a deal."