DECEMBER 16th, 19XX
12:25pm,
As we sink into the dark of the night, the bonfire provides us with huge shadow that reflects our passion as we dance. The old love song emotion on fire. Kate closed her eyes and rests her head against my chest. I enjoyed the softness of her hands and the sweet smell that reminds me those nostalgic Sakura trees that blossom on the hilltops. We do not hurry the dance, but simply take pleasure in being close and knowing we will have no boundaries between us. Before the dance ends, I lifted her face up to gaze upon her eyes once more. I gently bent down to her lips, but before I could kiss her, she withdraws.
'Oh it's dark! Can't believe we stay too long. Uhm... uhh... will you walk me home?'
"Sure, I can take you."
I felt a little blue because our moment was disrupted, but I cannot blame anyone but myself. I'm just glad I didn't drive her away by my foolishness.
As we exited the gathering, snow fell softly in town. We walked close together to stay warm. I do not have the slightest thought what she's thinking about right now, this silence makes me worried. If she was thinking about what I did earlier, I do not want her to feel bad. Suddenly, Kate leaned down and sighed,
'Oh wait! On second thought, I would like to ask you a favor? Before I go home, I want to visit one last place...'
"Alright, where are we heading?"
'You just have to wait and see!'
---
Moonlight shimmers on top of the hilltop where I woke up. We were far outside town, in the outskirts where I began my journey to find my sense of belonging. It wasn't long before I noticed that this day wasn't over, I lost track of time because I was off to follow her. My heart grew soft and vulnerable, it yearns for her.
I believe that ever since I've met her, my feelings that sleeps began to wake. I am aware to the fact that my head isn't screwed right; that maybe this really was the first time I have really met her, but it was the truth in my heart that changed me.
I glanced at Riverside and we could see everyone cleaning the town. The bonfire shrinks as snow fell calmly to the ground. The sky was filled with beautiful dancing lights. Kate was overwhelmed by the breath-taking view. Her passion about her hometown is overflowing that she forgot herself while daydreaming. I brushed off the snow that piled up in her head, unintentionally found myself taking care of her. Visions began to flash before me and felt water in my eyes. What is happening? Why do I feel sad even though my heart felt relaxed...?
"Kate... I can see in your eyes that this place is different from the ones in town, what made this spot so special?" I asked her.
"Have you ever felt the sadness of knowing you forgot someone who matters to you? I know It might sound crazy, but I every time I go up here, I seem to miss something... like everything in my whole life is linked to this hilltop, it's not me to forget such precious memories."
Once the first tear broke free in her eyes, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. Kate bowed down and held both of her hands as she trembles. It was hard for me to see her crying. I sat down beside her and shared a warm embrace.
"Memories might disappear, but the feelings don't. Even If we lose ourselves we can always find our way back. To be honest, I couldn't remember from where I was before... I sink into my feelings too, but even if I tried hard my head just hurts.
She turned to me and asked, "and what did you do about it?"
"I don't know. I just followed you... It may seem weird but deep inside I do remember you. We both share a unique and special connection." I wiped away her tears, we both smiled at each other as our hearts understands what we felt. Kate closed her eyes as she kissed me in the cheek. Nostalgic it may seem; It was then that I've realized what I always felt for her.
I was in love with her...
---
It was almost twelve when I got her home and all that is left is find a place for me to stay. I wouldn't push my luck staying in her house and I thought I might as well have time for myself. I walked through the streets of town, silent and still, everybody seems to be asleep. It's dark and cold out here. I couldn't feel my feet, a very familiar feeling...
'Son, what are you doing out here? 'I saw an old man out of nowhere. I clearly told him my situation, "I couldn't find a place to stay, sir." And then, he asked where my parents were because a kid like me shouldn't stay too long out in the cold. I wavered, not knowing what to answer. He introduced himself as Eric Dudaev and offered me a place to stay. Personally, I didn't want to go because I never met anyone who's suspiciously friendly. Maybe the town always had decent folks or maybe because I still feel like I'm twelve or simething, and so went anyway. It might too early for me to jump into conclusions, but I know where I am. We've gone to the outskirts of town and saw this sturdy old cottage by the riverbank. "This is home..." he said. My thoughts suddenly ran in a whirl. The whole thing was completely confusing for me because I felt that I knew this place. Once we got into his house and it was warm and cozy like it used to be. Everything was at its place perfectly how my mind pictured it, yet I couldn't convince myself to believe. I stepped outside for a bit to get some fresh air. A wave of nostalgia swept over me for this is exactly my house. It was a lot for me to process. However, the answer is already in front of me. My heart felt bothered maybe because of the intoxicated man. He seems to be a nice person for letting me stay. He appears to be in his thirties, and he lives his life normal like everyone in town. A guy who's about six feet tall and has a strong and quiet demeanor, and yet I wasn't convince that he was all jusy that.
"Kid, want some beer, or just a regular coffee? I don't really know what to offer." he offered, but I declined. "It's okay, I'm fine." He then waved his hand asking me to get inside. Shiver crept up to my spine, my senses were tingling. I head back only because it started to get real cold, and I sat down in his living room. I took off my coat, sat on a chair in the dining table and he started a conversation.
'So what's your story? Why are you out in the dark?'
"I walked home a friend, but I couldn't find a place to stay." He jolted at me and said, 'Oh I see, youse must be with a girl, huh? Kids these days... I see parents aren't doting like in my time, eh? Back then, my folks used to treat me like garbage. I don't get to have fun especially in this darn town. They wanted to leave the city for a quiet place like this, can you believe it?'
I was confused, because it almost feels like déjà vu. It was what I had in mind before. I thought this guy was ridiculous as he kept telling me stories of what I believe was mine. As time passed by, I kept this serious headache, this familiar pain. I started to doubt my feelings about trusting this man. Why did I accept his offer? Why am I here? Eric kept to his story, grabbed a few more beers and wandered in his thoughts.
'The idea of light and dark amuse me. The science of light travelling faster than anything, but no matter how fast it thinks it is, darkness always got there first and is waiting for it...'
I responded to him: "If that is the case, I think that darkness somewhat feared the light."
'Is that so...?' Eric gave a quick glared at me...
"Light will always shine upon darkness. It is bound to end that way for even if they share the same sky. They'll be always opposite from one another."
He reacted angrily, yet he tried to look calm. 'Okay that's just plain bullshit, kiddo. You sound ridiculous with that fucked up conclusion! They both exist in the same plane, in the same time! It is insignificant to compare!'
"I don't understand why you should be mad about it? Besides, it is just a conversation."
'There is only one single judgment, I tell you! We are bound for darkness...'
I had cold sweat as I heard his soft whisper. This person had some kind of hatred I believe. I shouldn't be involved any further. He took his persona into a different level. He doesn't make sense at all.
Eric started coughing. His balance became wobbly, fell to his knees and palmed the floor. He took pills in his pocket and then started to weep. The medicine container rolls to my feet. I only had a quick look before he snatched it away from my hands but the description clearly said: 'For the mentally insane'
It was then I began to see that this guy was in deep hurt. I was scared of his reckless reactions as he vigorously trashed his once comfortable home.
"Thank you for your kind hospitality but I think it's best if I'll be out of your hair, sir."
I quickly walked to the door, troubled about the old man.
Wait!
He stopped me and expressed his apologies, 'Sorry for the breakdown. I know I can get a little out of hand sometimes. Take your night off here, okay? I'll fix the bed for you.'
For my honest reasons, I really need a place to stay. Heedless of my safety, I just go with it to make it up to him. I'm still nervous about getting back inside, I've seen the pain in his eyes, and I didn't pray to see more. I knew what kind of person he is. I got too deep with the guy. Images flashed in my kind about the back door of this house. My head seriously hurt, but what came to my mind might just save my life.
I head back inside with everything back at its place. It was unusually clean like everything is even better than before. Something's suspicious is happening in this place...
I tucked myself in his bed and waited for him to leave the room before I closed my eye. Eric locked my windows and closed all the lights. He cut me off before I could escape. Some things don't always go as we planned, yet I continue to trust my heart. But as the night grew even deeper, I found myself weak and tired. I fell into a deep sleep...
---
FEBRUARY 2nd 1999
Kate and I do morning walks day after day. When we got to our usual spot, she kept talking about how the sunrise up here is amazing. I can't seem to understand if it's real because she tends to exaggerate her stories, but in the end, I can't stop myself from listening.
"You know, when the sun hits this spot in a perfect position, the wind will sing along with the hills!"
"Oh come on Kate, how am I supposed to believe that?" I replied with a bit of sarcasm and it wasn't surprising that I'd get the usual smile.
'Hey Joseph, sit here beside me, I'll show you what I'm saying.'
"Alright... surprise me!"
As soon as the sun rises up the horizon, she whispered a sweet lullaby near my ear, her voice was calming. The feeling of warmth clothed me. I'm glad I could start my day with her, even if there were doubts in my heart, I always turn to her and she never let me down. I've realized that it wasn't the stories and the memories that made it perfect. It was her who's perfect...
We passed through crowns of acacia shading the road once more before parting ways.
"Catch you later, Joseph!"
She wear her smile as bid her farewell, and thus I waved goodbye at her. I continue my path along the river, all I could think of is the sound of her voice as she sings.
As I came close to my home, I saw my father by the riverbank.
"I am tired of your insolence, young man, and I wouldn't tolerate it anymore!"
He was very angry about me spending much time playing outside. I did not respond and stared back at him. He became so furious about my attitude that he didn't even care if were out in public, he hit me in the back of my head so hard, that I fall down in an instant.
"You grew weak and disobedient because of your mother who spoils you! I work every single day not to let you waste the day playing with that stupid girl!"
I couldn't take the beating anymore. He said things that hurt me more than his beating did. I stood up to him and said: "Shut up!! I get that you expect me to take care of everything, but I've had enough!" My father was silent for the moment and tried to apologize, but I pushed him away.
"I don't want your sorry! I didn't want to be here in the first place! You forced your decisions upon us and never asked if we are happy about it-You know what, I was never happy about coming to this place?!" I ended up getting a black eye and a fat lip and a bruised nose. Dad beats me up until I fell to my knees. I turned away as I wiped my tears. It was hard for me to breathe. Suddenly, I heard the bushes swoosh! It was Kate. She overheard our argument and left crying. I was so angry at myself.
"No! Don't hurt our son!" Mom pushes away my dad as she approaches me and said, "Oh Lord! Are you alright, Joseph...?"
I clenched my fists and took dirt from the ground in anger.
"I hate you! All of you!"
I ran away to followed Kate. I've got to apologize to her... I didn't mean say those things about hating this place. The town that she loved where she was born and we became friends. I began to love this town and Kate. She has to know all these. She showed me how to live my own life and ultimately saved me from the isolation I've always felt...
"I love her... I really do."
---
DECEMBER 16th, 19XX
At 6:03am,
When I opened my eyes, it was still dark. Half-asleep, I couldn't see much, but the dim glow of the bedside clock and the silhouette of the curtains by the window. A slight headache came upon me because of the stress I got from the overflowing emotions in my dream last night. I was right about this place, It really is my home... this is the place where I started to be myself. I've been seeking where I truly belong for a long time, and now, I have found it. The sadness I felt of knowing that I forgot something that matters. It made a huge hole in my heart.
I stumbled to the bathroom to search for painkillers only to find nothing. As I emptied my bladder and flushing the toilet, I checked my reflection in the mirror. For an instant, I couldn't recognize the person reflected in it. I even thought I saw Eric. After my eyes adjusted from the murkiness, I waved my hand and the person waved back. Good. I sighed. It's still me. I walked back to the room, but then stopped abruptly in the middle.
An unsettling feeling began welling inside me. There was something wrong in the room--- But I couldn't quite tell what it was. The door creaks all of the sudden. I was sure I've closed it before going to the bathroom. I turned on the lights and glanced around. Everything was at its place, but the atmosphere was dense and strange.
"Ah good, you're awake! I apologize. I must've bothered you in your sleep... " He scared the hell out of me. Eric greeted me and he enters the room with his right hand behind his back. His actions were different from the usual, I feel threatened by his uninvited presence.
"Don't worry. I feel much better right now, and I've decided I'll be leaving."
The whole town is buried in thick snow in a cold winter night, and it doesn't look like the sun will rise.
"Why leave so soon? It's not safe, why don't you stay?"
My heart is pounding at an increasingly rapid pace. I checked my watch. "It's just six in the morning. The sun can take its time to rise." Quickly, I put on my jacket, my shoes, but I couldn't leave because the door is locked.
'Can't you open your eyes to the truth you dreamed to see? All of this isn't the reality you seek. Don't you remember this darkness? It is where you and I really belong...'
"Who are you, really?" I pushed Eric away from me and revealed the knife he's holding on his back. I have a very bad feeling about this. I feel like my heart is about to explode! He's insane! it was a terrible mistake to trust this person. I've got to find a way to get out of here!
You knew me before there was time, before there was light, before there was nothing. In the heart-lorn world of nothingness, we were born. We are bound to the eternal darkness, but you prayed for you existence. You have a lust for life, a lust for knowledge, a lust for love. I was insecure and decided to share the same passion with you. Don't you see how pitiful you are? You're just an empty little puppet!
I felt a familiar hurt that came from long ago. The memories from the day I questioned life haunted me once again. Eric drove me to the corner, and I have nowhere else to go. You're twisted! I know who you are now and you're wrong about me! There is no darkness in me... what I felt was no lie. I may have forgotten things, but I never lose myself. This town, these people, and Kate, they're the proof of that!
"You're unbearably naïve and stupid! You follow you heart too much that is why you fall into the darkness. I will give you a chance to run away from me just to make it fun for me. Find your answers for yourself..." He put down his knife and gave me to the door. He laughed maniacally at me as I was tripping myself while I ran desperately and unlocked door.
A shudder ran through me as I stepped outside in the snow. I could barely see anything. I have endured the blistering winds that stormed the town just to get away from him. I never experience anything like this before. It kept getting harder and harder to navigate through this darkness, and I'm fully aware there is no turning back. I turned left a couple blocks around the Old Krueger's. It was supposed to be Kate's house, but it led me back to Eric's. I kept running around in circles, backtracking where I walked her home, yet I go back from where I started.
Just as I was halfway across town, I stopped, I do not know where I will go anymore. It seems like I'm trapped in an endless loop, with no other choice but to live with the nightmare. Deep inside, I perfectly know this town. If everything was just a figment of my mind, is he right about me? Eric sees the reality bigger than this world, and I know I can't compete with that.
Does my heart lie to me?
Do I really belong to the darkness?
My body felt numb, I've been out here for a while looking a way out. I lose consciousness and fell to the ground. I was buried in snow left uncertain. What I regret most is that I couldn't have a chance to see you... I left those words in thin air. I knew that this is the end, and so that's where I began to see light.
---
I woke up in the middle of road, under the crowns of acacia that keeps me in shade. I stood up and limber up a bit. I felt like I've been asleep for a year. I found out that my way goes to the outskirts of town, in the hills where Sakura trees blossoms. The winds blew toward me as if it was calling me out, and it was my decision whether I will take the step forward. I'm feel afraid of what I'm gonna find out up there. My heart trembles and felt a bit wobbling. But still, I took the long, long uphill climb. It was then that I've reached the peak. A lasting image of another beautiful sunset has surprised me. It brings me nostalgic feeling, a place of peace, relaxation, and tranquility. It took my mind off my problems a bit. As my eyes wandered off, I saw two star-crossed lovers, young as they were, but it doesn't matter as long as they learned to love.
"Have you ever wondered about what's gonna happen to us a few years from now? Where did the time go, huh? It's hard for me to believe that we are both leaving this place. I'll miss all these... it will always be in my heart. I'm so sorry, Kate." The boy said to her. She cried out of pain because they may never see each other. It appears that her feelings for the guy remained dormant up to this day...
She put her hand in her chest and cherished every moment of their parting. "Let's play again someday, alright?" she said to me. He felt very much upset about the young lady's reaction. He felt cheated and wouldn't let this moment get away. I was sad watching their friendship fade just because their leaving. Once again, they looked at the horizon and it seems sunset is almost over. They held hands, connecting their hearts one last time. "So, we'll never see a sunset like this together, huh?" She tried to laugh, but her downcast face made me realize she wasn't ready to go... I couldn't let this happen! I should let the guy know she has feelings for him too. He then stood up in front of her and said, "It's possible! Someday I will come back in this town and wait for you. Even if we don't promise to, I'll be here, knowing that you'll come back. I will miss you, Kate I'm madly in love with you."
As they shared a warm embrace, he cried on her back. He doesn't want to show his pain because he knew it will only make her feel even more depressed. He pushes her and ran away. The young lady fell to her knees and slowly bowed her head. I felt sorry for her. They didn't deserve all this...
I don't really get myself... I felt anxious to meet her. She was somewhat resembles a person dear to me. But as I walked slowly towards her, my eyes clouded and I wobble from the drowsiness I feel. It was then that I finally lost my sight, and I was terrified. I tripped and bruised my lower lip. Once again, I was back to the darkness. I may have recovered an important memory, but I'm afraid this is really the end of me. This dream has come to last longer than what I've expected.
"Did you enjoy watching your past regrets?"
It's the demon that called me his puppet...
"They say when a person sees the light: they're given a couple of minutes to just look back on their lives. They described the experience as 'realer than real.' You're dying Joseph... now that you drew close to your last breath, I wanted to thank you. I've learned much from you. You are strong, but I'm beyond strength. You've may have created this world out of nothingness to escape me, but I'm beyond strength. It took me some time to exist recreated and manipulate your memories. I rewrote your memory constantly that's why you experience sudden headaches, but I've discovered a much deeper truth. You see Joseph, I am your worst dream come true! I'm the one that guides you!"
He choked me and whispered in my ears.
"There is no escaping this! Your fate has been decided. There is only death for you, and when I'm done with you, I will take your body as my own and sail until every light has been extinguished. Fear me! I have come for you, Joseph..."