DECEMBER 17th, 19XX
'Joseph, it's time to wake up...' a fallen voice spoke to me.
I sat down on the bench in an old terminal. My eyes were still blurry and all I can see is a bright light. It was an unprecedented moment wherein it felt like I've been alone like this for some time. I crossed my legs and sit up straight, I think about what's going to happen next for me.
"Well this sure feels right... I'm positive that this is death." I closed my eyes as I utter words I do not meant, and for the first time, I shed a tear caused by satisfaction.
The ground suddenly shakes beneath my feet. It warns me of something coming, and I began to feel curious about the sudden commotion. I stood up to examine my place, and it seems I'm in some sort of train station. The railway system is old, and so steam-locomotive passenger trains are the only carts allowed to use the tracks. Every train in this terminal doesn't work except for one. I jumped down to the tracks and walked towards a freight train which stopped right before it arrived in the terminal. It had me real curious because the engine was still alive and the doors were all open, I climbed on the train and as expected, no one was in it. The sudden loss of faith turned my face all pale, yet I was still troubled.
Why is a freight train traveling in these parts?
Why did it stop halfway? I do not understand, is it because the terminal's close?
Three loud blows came from the train's horn, and out of nowhere the train moves on its own. It ran fast like a Cadillac, she gave its best like it's her last good run. The train step on the brakes hard just before we approached the station, which result to me tumbling my way before hitting the caboose. I grunted as my back is hurt, and leaned on the door. I sighed, "At least I tried... I'll never tell myself I never did. I'm the only one here." I stood up and hopped down the train. The railway is suddenly cut off. I glanced back at the station, and there an unexpected visitor was sitting down by the bench.
I believe I knew who the person is, but I couldn't see him clearly. I walked a bit with feeling unchanged, but as I climbed up the platform, I began to feel nervous. 'Greetings, you must be Joseph… 'I was surprised it was a young lady, thus delightfully replied: "Yes I am. Who might you be?" she smiled to me. I couldn't feel a slight doubt about her, yet her presence is overwhelming. "You've been alone for quite some time here I could say, but now I'm with you, we have much work to do." She walked towards me slowly, and offered her hand. Do you trust me? Her bluish eyes invite me to say yes, though I am still confused about the situation. It's true that I've been alone for quite some time, and it is because I'm already dead. I find it in myself to realize and accept the only reality I'm in. There are no memories in me, no lies, no life... I am here waiting to be brought in a better place, and there is no place in my mind of salvation. It was in this moment I have processed everything in my head. It is screwed in the right direction.
"You seem to look like a good person, ma'am. But for what reason should I trust you? I believe I am satisfied in my life. This is the end for me." I bowed down and sit comfortably by the floor.
'Do you remember your past? The promise you had with people dear to you? Do you remember the pain? The unforgiving torment life has given upon you? Do you remember me...?'
We we're silent for the moment. She proved a point that lashes to my heart.
There I felt a gnawing emptiness in me, as if something is missing. I may not remember who she was, but I know her in my heart...
'I'm sorry... we've done this before in different scenarios. If you are satisfied and complete, I do not want to force myself to you.' She turned around and left crying. I am really important to her, and I couldn't see it. I stood up quickly and reached for her hand. "Wait! You never tell me your name." I smiled at her. 'If you come with me, you'll soon find out...' she replied.
We walked our way out of the station. On our way we've crossed groves full of acacia and open fields with irrigation systems. It sort of reminds me of where I grew up. A small town far beyond the city lights, it is where the winds blew to the east and sun sets by the horizon. A place where I first experience joy with true friends, yet the name of that good old town slipped out of my mind...
I shut my eyes and tried to reach out to my feelings. My heart is still disoriented, it is troubled by the emotions I emit. As I opened my eyes, I gazed upon this lady who gave me nothing but a sweet smile. What I felt is sadness and regret, feelings unresolved for a long time. My face looked cold and pale, reminding me of my state right now. I am a lost sheep walking down the memory lane one last time.
---
On the night of February 3rd 1999, we took a flight along with 131 passengers. My parents are both sleeping beside me. I opened a window to clear my mind a bit. The night was still young, I couldn't ask for more beautiful scenery than this, even though it felt a little cold. The moon shines brightly and the clouds drifted close to me. 'Hey kid!' A flight attendant whispered loudly to me 'Have any trouble sleeping? Can I offer you something to eat?' I shook my head, "No. I'm okay... I can go by the night on my own" she giggled a bit and said, 'Acting like a grown man, huh? Keep it up! But if you ever need anything, me and the staff are here, okay?' I smirked a little and gladly accept her token of kindness. I could only wish I could've stayed with Kate today. I didn't say goodbye because I couldn't bear to look at her. I'm sure she's sad, and I am too...
I wrapped myself in a blanket and make my way to the wash room. It was locked when I got there, so I knocked. 'It's occupied!' A pissed off passenger yelled on the other side of the door. I walked across the other side of the hallway, and there the room was empty. I emptied my bladder and wet my hands after. I stared at my reflection from the mirror, I looked all worn out. I washed off the regrets evident to my face, but it's still there. I sat down and bowed my head, crying... worrying on the result of my sadness. I was in that cubicle for hours, having concern on such wasteful thoughts.
The plane shakes a bit, and then shakes again. The alarm goes off and I could hear everyone outside murmuring. I opened the door a little. 'Everybody settle down! We are experiencing a slight interference because there is an upcoming storm surge ahead of us. Please stay calm and go back to your seats while waiting for further more instructions!' The flight attendant sure became unsure of the situation as her voice sounds trembling. This short turbulence became a serious issue. She checked up on the captain's cabin to find some answers. I closed the door again and washed my face.
Lightning flashed and thunders roar. The once silent night turns into a nightmare. I head back to my seat and my parents weren't there. "Mom where are you? Dad! I'm right here!" People kept panicking around me, and so did I...
I bent down and hide under my seat. I cover my ears because I was tired to hear the children crying as the plane started to point its nose down. The lights went off, and the tragedy takes place. I heard few heavy steps coming from behind me, and sat on the seat that I was under. It was my father. 'Joseph there you are! Come my son, sit with me.' He pulled me out and emptied a seat.
'The plane is headed down for Riverside. I took the liberty to call our folks back at Riverside and asked them to soon evacuate. I'm sorry, son... for everything. I know I haven't been a good father to you. I'm always caught up in a bad mood and take it out on you. You took care of the house, your mother, and your sister. Thank you for that.' I never expect that my father would say nice things to me. He kissed me by the forehead and we hugged.
The plane moves faster. It was in a slant position, getting ready for impact. All of us aboard knew what's going to happen. I never saw my mom, only my dad sat beside me. "I'm scared..." My hands are cold, but my father held them tight.
'There is no reason to be afraid, Joseph...' I opened my eyes as I saw my beautiful mother with my sister. We embraced and looked at each other. If this is the last time I will ever see their faces again, there wasn't a single second wasted.
'Come Joseph. We'll take you some place safe...' My father said to me. He took my hand as his own, and we hiked the hallway to the back of tail of the plane. Dad opened up the wash room, and left me for a while.
With all haste, he came back with a parachute bag he took from the emergency locker. Even in the time of death, they're still worry about me...
---
Recollecting these flashing images in my mind, I carefully observe every detail. There was a spark of familiarity with the first image, and that my heart delivers a frantic beating against my ribcage. In my vision, I was weeping as I saw my father's face for the last time. Then what happened next was too eventful, I just couldn't quite place. However, there was a nagging sense of remembrance at the back of my mind...
'Hey, are you still with me? We'll take this way under this bridge.' Her brisk, precise pattern in speaking matched her personality exactly. I couldn't respond in a way I should and just let go of my tongue, "Oh alright... sorry for spacing out like that." She returned a smile and secretly held my hand. Her soft hand brings back something awfully familiar. Somewhat deep inside, I knew who she really was...
As I continue to follow her, I was shown many things about myself. I do not know if I want to keep walking this path. I remember the past I wished I never had, but it made me who I am. I got the privilege to live with it for the rest of my life.
We slowly walked under the bridge. It painted picture of nothingness, kind of reminds me of a dream. It was all just a streak of darkness. It was cold, quiet, and solitude, a point where my life was left in a stale. I feel very uncomfortable and started to feel a bit of a chest pain. 'Hey Joseph, are you alright?' She told me as she worried of my condition. I guessed she noticed me because I was slowing her down. "I'm alright. Let us be on our way..."I replied to her, and held my chest and took the pain. She walked through my pace and step-by-step, until we nearly reach the end.
But suddenly, a shadow of a hooded man, in ragged clothes, appeared by the end of the bridge.
'The light within the darkness... I've spent years hunting you down...I told you never gonna outrun me.' It spoke to me.
'Joseph! Run! That man is dangerous!' The young lady shoves me away, and took a brave act to protect me.
'It appears our dear Joseph here forgets everything about himself again...You're protecting him from nothing! That broken son of a bitch ends here. 'His threatening voice echoed under the bridge with such intensity.
'I won't let you take him away!' She replied back to him. 'Foolish woman... you keep spoon-feeding him his memories like a damn child.' He turned to me and said: Joseph! Do you remember how you questioned your life when you fell deep into the darkness? I had to endure your irritating cries and alibies, but then I took the role of the reaper. You've been dreaming this dream over and over through different settings. You've created this world to hide yourself from me. It is time you discovered a much deeper truth. You see Joseph, I am the darkness within you!
"No... That's impossible! You're lying! This is just a part of his game to deceive me!" It was a grueling moment that I've ultimately learned that the man I've tried to vanquish is my own self. With little hope left, I tried to make a run for it, but it wasn't enough to get away. He dashes towards me so fast, he blown by the young lady who's thrown off with an extraordinary power! I couldn't react quickly as he grabbed me by the neck. 'Stop dreaming! It's over now. I will take what's mine now! You will succumb to me!'
He tightens his grasp, but I hit him in retaliation under the ear, breaking his jawbone and threw him away. Blood gushing from his mouth, yet he still roars. "I am alive! I am much stronger than the strength you have spoken of. You never gonna take me away..." He stutters as he brought tempting words to my ears.
You can never deny that I am you! I am the darkness inside you! You'll never wake from the truth unless you accept that- A vain effort to quell his fears only made it worse for him.
"I am not afraid to accept who I really am. I've seen life from your side, but that does not mean it sums up who I really am! With the light that guides my heart, I will conquer you...!" I looked straight into his eyes and an image of me reflected back. I could see how he trembles from fear. He chortled, 'So be it. Surround yourself with those pathetic lies. The darkness will come back to you tenfold in unexpected ways...' He then conceded defeat from the battle, and dissolves into thin air. I never saw him again.
---
I stood up and ran her. I carried her on my back and went out to the other side of the tunnel. There I saw a white sandy beach that awaits us. The setting sun sank lower, gilded the distant oceans with awesome majesty and arousing cool breezes that began to stir with the coming of the evening. The western sky was in brilliant copper color, the peaks below it harsh and forbidding in spite of their reflected gold. I walked by the shoreline and while the water touched my skin, I never felt so alive. Now that I remember things slowly, there are things left unexplained. She is still a mystery to me. I swear I know her face, yet something's holding me back. I want her to tell me the truth...
'Don't go... I'm sorry I lied... I'm not really leaving... I was just afraid...' The young lady held me tight as she spoke in her sleep.
"You're Kate, aren't you...?" she didn't return an answer.
I come to a halt and put her down by the log. I rest her head in my legs as she sleeps soundly.
My eyes still looked beyond the horizon, watching twilight. I remembered how it used to be beautiful and breath-taking. Also, I remembered one of my painful regrets. "I should've come back to you, I'm sorry Kate. I can't even fulfill my promise..." My shoulders bore the weight of my frustrations of failing as a friend. She woke up and sat beside me, I tried to hide my tears. "I began to remember my past life." I told at her. She watched the sunset too, "Before you got came, I thought I was satisfied on how my life ends, but now I got them all back, I do not understand my destiny...it keeps allowing me to meet some good people when there is no way for us to spent more time and be together forever. I got to live with the truth that I have regrets that cannot be paid." She patted my head and told me everything would be fine. 'Life can be full of unexpected things, either fair or not. But no matter what happens, just keep a loving heart. Hardships often prepare us for something extraordinary, don't turn around and give up.'
"You're Kate, aren't you?" I asked her a question I desperately needed.
It was like my prayers were finally answered. Kate nodded in approval. The joy she brings in my heart is priceless.
It was a sunset to remember. As minutes turned into moments, I vowed to cherish and protect this memory forever. The seashells by the shore are slowly being swept away, the grains of sands grew fertile white, and the water reflects bluish skies above. Her hand seems to fit in my own, and so we held hands. Unlike before, I felt nothing to me, but now it means everything to me. I glanced at her, and she has yet to look back but decided to turn away. Kate lets go of my hand, troubled, and bowed her head. 'I have something to tell to you. Could you listen for a bit?' Her expressions were brave but deceit. I believe I understand her intentions. She came to me with an obligation, and this might be it. I fought back the tears when I saw her fading away. 'I cannot maintain this form... and there isn't much time left. You've got to get out of here. You know that right?'
"Now that I have learned so much of my past, what do I have to do?"
'Forget all this. End this nightmare...'
"I believe what you're trying to say is impossible, Kate. I couldn't just let you go. You are the only right thing about me. I cannot accept this choice you are giving me!"
'Listen to me, you have been wondering here for many years, and now you've entered "Lucidity". It means you are conscious in an altered reality in your sleep. You've been awake in your dreams, Joseph. You were never dead. Actually, you are very much alive! If you just--'
"Will I see you again? Tell me, will I ever see you again...?"
Kate stood up and clenched her fists. She was almost at tears, but she ran away. I followed her and grabbed her to my arms, "Please stop Kate! This is unfair to me...." she was welling up in tears, frightened of our future, 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I had no choice. I'm just another illusion, Joseph. I could connect to you in my own dreams, yet I believe I forget them when I'm awake. I am left with only details and feelings. I've thought of you every day, and I took it upon myself to bring you back to the direction you're supposed to walk. I really love you...' She embraced me tightly and I never let go.
"Thank you for everything. You did you're best for me, and I will owe that for the rest of my life. I remembered everything now... I remember you. You made me so, so happy, and the way I felt about you is no lie. And so, I've decided that won't lose you again, Kate! I can't go on without you-"
'Don't let your emotions interfere with your decisions. You deserve more than this! Fear of losing me can hold you prisoner of this vile place, only hope can set you free. Please Joseph, hope again...'
It's all up to me to decide what choice to make. It took so long to get close to her like this, but I knew is a part of my memory. I had to let go...
'It may have started with a lie, but I'm really glad I met you. One day, you might remember this moment, and remembering one thing leads to remembering another... it is connected like links in a chain. I will wait for the day you come find me. I love you, Joseph.'
Then light shines, revealing this dark void which surrounds me. Kate began to disappear with the darkness, a moment I couldn't bear to see. She vanished in my arms as I fall back to the darkness once again. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye...