Nancy knew there was no turning back now. In Sebastion's embrace she imagined everything she ever craved for. Yet she knew one truth that remained. "This is just a dream. Wake up Nancy. Wake up before you hurt yourself."
Nancy was so overwhelmed she never realised she had said her thought aloud. Suddenly she found herself free from the warm embrace. Suddenly Sebastion was closed and distant as if the previous moment never existed at all. Was the endearing gesture all in her imagination? Perhaps it was not. But what did this man really want.
"Where are we going now? She asked without looking up. She stared at her feet contemplating whether she would be able to stand up on her own as her head swooned with this dream that refused to end. Was she really awake?
"You will see"
Nancy didn't wish to see. A part of her was in despair. Why was she letting this perfect stranger change her life forever? How long will he tolerate her? Will he like Rohan agree to never ask questions of her past? She knew that sounded impossible. Sebastion Mornington was not a man satisfied with the half truth. What would he do when he found out everything about her? Nothing had been pleasant about her life so far. Could his presence change any of that?
Time passed slowly. Nancy did not look up. The car sped forward but everyone within were still as stone. When the car halted, Nancy found herself in the same parking space where Sebastion had dropped her the previous evening. Was he going to drop her again, once and for all?
"What are we doing here?" Nancy hoped that Sebastion could not hear the note of panic in her voice.
"I thought we could have a few words alone as you showed me your room. I would really like to know how you live, behind that mask of yours."
"Yeah, sure," No! Her heart screamed and she panicked.
As they went up the elevator Nancy was shaking all within. She had never brought anyone up to her apartment. If she knew that Sebastion would come she could have tidied the place before leaving for office. But she had no way of knowing, no way of knowing whether they would meet again. And here he was at arm's length from her.
The front door opened to a blank wall covered with the painting of a lonely girl clutching a teddy bear with all her might. Her face was stained with tears, her hair dishevelled yet her face had the innocence of childhood. Sebastion stopped in front.
"Holding on to memories sweet so the present cannot scare you!" he exclaimed.
Nancy shied away from him knowing full well that he spoke of the painting but unable to deny that it was the truth of her own self. "Yes."
"You made it?"
"How can you tell?"
Sebastion did not reply. He smiled. He moved on to the drawing room where the seats lay strewn with soft toys. He did not stop however. He walked straight towards a closed door, turned back and asked, "Your room?"
Nancy felt like melting into the ground. Here stood the man she dreamt of last night lying in her bed and here he was in front of her bed room door asking an indirect permission to enter. She nodded in agreement.
Facing the door lay a wall strewn with pictures, some old and faded, some new and glossy, yet memories of moments that Nancy never wished to let go of, memories which passed her by.
Sebastion walked in front of the wall scrutinizing each picture closely. He paused before the image of the girl laughing with her mother. The girl was having an ice-cream and the mother looked on. Sebastion looked from the picture to Nancy and back.
"You don't take much after your mother save the hair."
"I am actually thankful for that."
"You were not close to her but you loved her. Your hair reminds you of her so you colour it in the most atrocious shade so that you would be discouraged from seeing it."
"You have got me all figured out it seems! Were you a shrink before you became a company guzzling business tycoon."
"I have been to too many shrinks. None of them could help me with my problem. In the end I became friends with most of them. We share our knowledge. But I don't need all that for this. You are very clear in your intent."
"I am not and you are utterly wrong about the hair."
"Then maybe my first assumption was correct. You see, when I first saw you the thought that passed my mind were that you colour your hair in such a loud colour to draw attention from your eyes because you don't want anyone to look into them and see the pain it contains, someone like me maybe. Was my initial assumption correct? I only changed it because your eyes are so beautiful I couldn't imagine anyone hiding them. But I guess the first impression is truly the last."
He turned around to face the bed with the excessive pillows and soft toys. He laid himself down on the soft cushion, propped his head on an elbow and looked into her eyes. Nancy was still standing, her face easily accessible to his line of sight. There was curiosity in his eyes but Nancy had a more important question to ask.
"When did you decide to marry me?"
Sebastion wanted to be truthful. He won't base this relationship on a lie. Yet he knew that the truth would scare her. He got up and holding her hand made her sit beside him on the bed. He angled himself to face her; his arm was placed firmly over her left elbow. "Today, after I asked you."
There was anguish and pain in her eyes as they welled up with the clear fluid with which she was having frequent encounters since the evening before. "I thought so" she said, muffling a sob. "This is all a whim and your stubbornness." 'Once it passes away I won't mean anything to you, will I?' she didn't say the last part aloud. Nancy so much hoped to be wrong yet she was so much afraid she was right.
"I never break a promise and I have made to you the promise of a lifetime. The promise will then last a lifetime."
"But it is only a whim. What if, you have a whim to marry someone else tomorrow?"
"I won't. You can trust me on that."
"I don't know you well enough to trust you and neither do you know me well enough to trust me. Most of what you know about me is assumptions."
"But they hit home, didn't they? That is why I intimidate you."
"I am not a good girl, I never was. You don't know anything about me or my life."
"Then tell me. That is why I am here. I want to know you."
"What if after knowing the truth, it is not good enough for you, I am not good enough for you."
"I will leave you, your life, and your country. For you I will just be a dream. But trust me the truth has to be pretty scary to back me on my words. Also, if I leave on knowing you I never deserved you."
Nancy smiled sarcastically. Horror wasn't part of her life. It had always been one great tragedy.
"But before everything, tell me one thing. What do you hope for?"
"I told you, I have no hope."
"Why is it so? It is evident that you believe in hope, some kind of hope. Your eyes glow with hope."
"Hope was what kept me alive after my father died. I fed on hope, slept on hope and dreamt on hope, hope that everything will be alright in the end. I have fed myself so much on hope that I am now desensitized to the concept of hope. Only hopelessness fills me now." Nancy paused but Sebastion didn't say anything. He waited patiently for her to continue.
"I was six years old when my father died. My mother became a zombie. She lost her urge to live and the power to love. I was left to fend for myself while she worked and ate and drank and worked some more. She was a machine. I ate whatever I could find in the fridge. I learnt to cook for myself. My grandparents paid for my school but that was out of a sense of duty than love. My father was an orphan raised by the church. Father David let him use his name. When my mother decided to marry my father my grandparents severed all ties with her. Only after his death they came once, took over my responsibility. But I was never welcome to go near them. I couldn't touch them or sit with them. I was an outcast.
"When I was eleven years old she met Akhil Choudhuri at a colleagues wedding. They grew close and my mother started to live again, without me. I became the burden to her. She wanted me out of her life. She sent me to boarding school. I had to later thank her for that.
"Akhil Choudhuri was a monster. I don't know how he treated my mother but to me he was just that. I used to abhor the holidays when I had to come and live in his house. At night when my mother was asleep he came to my room. At first I resisted but I was only a girl. And it was his house.
"My mother was so blindly in love with him she would have never believed me, even if I told her, not that I did tell her. I stopped coming home till it was absolutely necessary. Once I finished school I moved out. I did part time jobs to provide for myself. I have done everything, from being a waitress to a receptionist. It helped me when I joined Khanna Pharmaceuticals, gave me motivation to succeed. And I knew how to coordinate operation at the grass root level."
Nancy paused, her eyes closed. She could not see the adoration in Sebastion's eyes. Neither could she see the intensity of his desire to comfort her. She continued.
"When in college I thought the worst was over. I was to start my life anew. I felt freedom and confidence and I felt love. You really believe in love and you boast of it. I know love is a lie." Nancy's eyes were glowing as she accused Sebastion and he was forced to look away. Truly life was cruel. But what did she know of his love. Still he didn't feel like arguing.
"Arijit was the college stud. All the girls swooned over him and he wanted me. I was doing my graduation. We had history together. I would see him staring at me during class. At first I ignored. Then one Valentine's Day he came up to me and asked me for a date. I had to refuse. I was working. But I promised to go out on Sunday. It was my first date.
"By Christmas' eve we were the most talked about couple. We would go out often. I even missed work a couple of times. He made me feel good. Our first kiss was a disaster though but we were getting better at it. Rather I was getting better at it. He was a pro when it came to girls. I was happy. I had hopes. I had dreams. I should never dream.
"New year's eve we had gone out to a party. The party went late. When I woke up the next morning I was lying in the parking lot, half naked. I didn't remember a thing. I was drugged. It took me a month to cope. When I joined college Arijit had dropped out. He had moved with his parents to Bangalore.
"I never found out who raped me but I knew Arijit didn't save me. He didn't even stick around to comfort me."
Suddenly Nancy started out in a burst of laughter. Sebastion looked on as she laughed till tears calmed her down. He offered her a tissue from the shelf before her. "I never told anyone about that incident, not even Rohan. Rohan knew about my step-father though. Rohan's father was my professor in my MBA classes. Sometimes he came to visit his father on the campus. The fact that I was from Kolkata was what got us talking. He had spent his childhood in Kolkata. I had spent some time more.
"Rohan was easy to talk to. He was focussed, determined and he knew what he wanted and I was really glad that he wanted me. I now realise I just wanted someone to comfort me, someone who wouldn't run away. Rohan stuck with me. When he got a transferred I moved to Kolkata with him. He wanted me and that was all that mattered. He was my sense of belonging.
"At first we stayed together but then his parents objected. I moved into this apartment once I could afford it. It was really a relief not having to always appear loving and beautiful. I could be ugly here, untidy, sulking, and morose. I never let him come here.
"Rohan actually proposed me so that I would live with him. Once I moved out we drifted apart till I was no more a property he owned. Still he was my sense of security, my sense of belonging. Now he is gone because of you. What do you suggest I should do once you leave me as well?"
Nancy finished. She was grave and she turned to Sebastion for his answer.
"I will never leave you." Sebastion was firm and comforting yet his eyes probing her face. He did not know what she wanted, whether she trusted him enough to want anything possible.
Just then there was a knock on the door. Sebastion got up before she could even register what he was doing. He opened the door briefly and stepped into the hallway. When he returned she saw he held a small black box in his hand. He put it away in his pocket and sat down close to her. She could feel his warm breath on the skin of her face. She wanted to turn away but it felt nice. She closed her eyes once more to take in the warmth.
A spark of electricity ran through her as his fingers traced the ridges of her lips. Her lips parted in acknowledgement to the pleasure when his lips came crashing down on her in a fit of passion she never before experience. Time stopped as their lips engulfed each other. Soon Sebastion's body pinned her to the bed as his hands ruffled her hair. She held up her hand to push him away but instead found her pulling his shirt pulling him down on her. His hand soon travelled to her shoulders and her breasts. His warmth made her nipples firm and she hummed in pleasure as his tongue probed her mouth with want and need. Soon she could feel his manliness push against her thighs and reflexively her hips thrust towards it. That was when he lightened his hold on her.
When, they could no longer breathe, they looked away gasping for air. Sebastion held Nancy closed in his arms as his lips roamed through her hair her neck and her chin. Nancy's fingers found way to his hair. Her eyes opened and closed again, as she tried to take in the reality of things. Then all of a sudden Sebastion pulled away. His eyes were still burning with the passion which burnt their bodies. He cupped her head between his hands and looking into her eyes he pleaded to her, "Marry me and I shall be your sense of belonging for the rest of your life."
Nancy looked in wonder. This was so different from the morning and this was a question she did not want to avoid. He knew. He knew everything. Yet nothing changed. She nodded her approval and from his pocket Sebastion took out the black box. When he opened it Nancy's eyes sparkled like the diamond that it reflected as Sebastion slid the ring up her finger, a delicate band of gold which held in the centre a most exquisitely cut diamond from which ensued a hundred rainbows. Nancy gasped and screamed with joy but her joy was muffled in Sebastion's shoulder as he embraced her in his fervent ardour.
"By this Sunday you will be mine" he whispered in her years.
Nancy was too elated to acknowledge his words. She only nodded an approval without realising was saying yes to.
She was to be married to a perfect stranger in a few days. But nothing mattered as this crazy man held her secure in his arms. The world had ceased to exist and she was glad for once that Rohan had stood her up the previous evening.