Our company event was such a blast! I enjoyed everything about it. The theme, the ambiance of the place, the exquisite cuisine and the program set. Everybody were all dressed up for the occasion partying like there's no tomorrow. We even had an after party bonding with my colleagues, well just a coffee session and some conversation but overall I really had a great time.
I had so much fun for a moment that I was able to forget about my worries on what is coming for me.
A week after. . . Here I am in front of a mirror examining my breast. Unfortunately, the lump is still there and the other symptoms as well. I decided to schedule a doctor's consultation this week end. It's just the start of the week and I feel like I don't have the energy to go to work. A lot of negative thoughts are flooding on my mind. What ifs and hows are actually trying to penetrate my foggy brain. But then, I decided to go to work hoping that If I get myself busy I can get through the entire week before my hospital visit.
It's lunch time and I'm having this small conversation with my colleague. "You know what Carmi I'm having worries right now, I found a lump in my breast." I told her. "Did you have it checked?" She asked. "Not yet, but I have scheduled a consultation this coming Saturday." I responded. "My dear Sophie don't be too flustered about it, think positive. It might be a non serious matter ok. Smile and get your hopes up for a good result." She encourages me. Somehow I felt better from her kind words. Why will I waste my time thinking over it when there is no confirmation yet about what it is.
Saturday morning came and it seems like the weather itself does not want to cooperate with me. There's a heavy downpour outside and it's causing me to feel kinda lazy in pushing through with my check up today. I feel like I just want to continue my sleep and get over it. But then I chose to stand up and prepare. It's now or never. I have to gather my courage and face whatever result I might get from this hospital visit.
I hate going to hospitals, it makes me think about not so good things. I have a blood phobia. Going to a hospital somehow triggers it and makes me feel uncomfortable. I have never been confined in a hospital for my 27 years of existence. I rarely got sick. My worst sickness is a week long flu which did not require me to be in the hospital. But now I'm here to discover what's inside my breast.
I was advised by the doctor to undergo breast ultrasound. At the same day I was scheduled for the test. A radiologist examined me. She asked me. "How old are you?" "Twenty Seven." I replied. "So young." She remarked. She was explaining to me what she observes while performing the test. She seems worried. I'm studying her expression and I'm getting anxious about it. She told me that she requested for an urgent release of my result from 3 days I can get it within 2 days. She tried to call my OB-Gynecologist to discuss her initial observation.
I left the hospital with lingering thoughts about what is to come for me. What if her expression means possibility of having a more serious case for me. That night I was not able to sleep soundly. My thoughts are going somewhere scary.