As Young Lord left the garden, I stood still, pondering whether I should continue this. He looked surprised and his glare softened each time I smiled. And in every smile, the guilt had nearly overcome my wits.
I walked out of the garden and ate with the rest of the serfs like usual. They chatted and smiled, as if this place was a heaven.
"Oi, Ramuja. Autumn banquet is coming, we may eat some expensive food!" said Jean, while chewing his bread.
"Is that so?" I replied nonchalantly.
Jean and Dirk saw me looking troubled, they patted my shoulder and asked: "What's wrong with you man? Did you make Young Lord angry? You got punished?"
I shook my head. In fact, because Young Lord did not make my punishment public, I still talked like usual to people around. As long as there was no Young Lord or Grand Duchess in sight.
I guessed that also burdened my guilt, I had said to Young Lord that I did not open my mouth for weeks. Young Lord seemed to be petrified by it, but I had no choice but to lie. It was a ludicrous punishment anyway.
I knew Young Lord was just trying to humiliate me, unlike Grand Duchess who would straight up cut my neck, Young Lord tried to humiliate me by making me a mute. He would let the rest of the people in this mansion berated me because I couldn't speak. And then, he would berate me himself, tortured me and asked if I would beg for forgiveness. But if I opened my mouth, he would berate me again, saying that I was not allowed to speak because of my mute punishment.
I had a similar experience with my second master. The way Young Lord set up this punishment was readable.
My former master would punch and kick me numerous times, and also let his workers urinate on me and kicked me horribly with their boots.
Ahahaha! Slave! All you need to do is beg, and then everyone will stop!
This… slave beg forgi--
SHUT IT! I said you are mute, did I?
A kick landed on my belly once more until I lost consciousness. This torture happened often until I couldn't really feel the pain, only the agony of being degraded as trash. I had to fake my pain and pretended to lose consciousness just for him to stop.
All that just because he got scammed, thinking that I was a fresh boy, ready for him to enjoy. Turns out I had one former master and had lost my virginity as a sex slave when I was only ten years old.
My first master was an old man, although he preyed on Young Boys, at least he gave me proper food and bedding. The shock when I realized that I would be sold after he grew tired of me had almost made me lose my mind.
He paid lots of gold to buy a used boy. If I recalled it again, he paid around fifty gold coins for me, only to retrieve half of it when he sold me again. It was indeed a bad trade.
I had expected Young Lord and the Duke to torture me, since they got scammed horribly. I was not worth seventy gold coins. I was already a maturing, seventeen years old, and used sex slave. I was probably worth around twenty gold coins at best, and I still thought that it was too much.
However, I thought Young Lord had shown me kindness from what I saw around this mansion. The serfs were well fed and they were even happier than regular people. The maids looked clean and the mansion was gorgeous, towering on a hill with colorful flowers surrounding the mansion. It was indeed, too good to be true. Maybe they realized that they had been scammed, so they just wanted to toy with me, a worthless slave, until they were satisfied.
The way Young Lord grew furious just because I praised him, and then Grand Duchess who threatened to execute me, until my mute punishment. It was all too coincidental. As if, the grand duchy had set me up to be an amusement for them since the day they bought me.
'But, why did Young Lord not make my punishment public? That just gave me a leeway not to act on his accordance.'
I shook my head once more. He might have his reason, but it was for sure, not a graceful matter.
After breakfast, I headed to Young Lord's room and waited in front of his room. He ordered the maid outside to open the door for him, and then, I could see his beautiful figure looking bright. He used a thin, white tunic with a silver belt encircled on his waist. The tunic tucked inside black breeches and white stocking to cover his leg. I heard from the maids that Young Lord had an illness that prevented him from staying under the sun and made him unable to stand heat for too long.
This thin garment was convenient for him, but for me, it gave me such an uncomfortable feeling.
'He is indeed too beautiful for his own good.'
Just when I started to float in awe over his appearance, Young Lord's eye turned from indifferent to glare with displeasure when he saw me. I was not sure why he detested me so much. Sometimes, he was kind and almost smiled at me, but other times, his glare was almost similar to Grand Duchess that it cut my guts.
'Maybe I need to flatter him more, until he forgets any intention of discarding me.'
I braced myself to fight Young Lord's glare and showed an overawed expression, like a woman who saw his beloved, or a priest who saw his god. I did this until his glare softened, but still spoke nothing.
I acted as if I had snapped out of my fantasy and immediately lowered my head. I kept this for a moment until I finally spoke: "This servant is waiting for Young Lord's order."
"Follow me," said Young Lord. Although he sounded cold as usual, I could see the trace of a smile lingered on his face.
I followed him and proceeded to continue my previous duty before I was punished. I waited in the corridor while Young Lord was having breakfast with Grand Duchess. In truth, I expected for Grand Duchess to speak about discarding me once more, and it was true. She started speaking about slaves.
"My dear son, I recalled that I had asked your opinion about unusable slaves that stayed around the Dirlog land. They were originally regular slaves who worked as loggers, but there was a strange plague around Dirlog that made them physically weaker. They are now nothing but a waste," Grand Duchess explained. I heard a knife and fork being put down and then she continued, "Your mom is forgetful. I would like to ask you once more, what should we do about them?"
Young Lord paused, then he said: "Eliminate the old and feeble ones, they will only burden the food ration. If a slave child already looked weak, also eliminate it. If a woman was unable to do heavy labor, eliminate her unless his husband wanted to do both of his and his wife's work."
"Oh! It sounds inhumane, my dearest son," Grand Duchess said with a fake reaction. Rather than surprised, it was similar to a mockery.
"They are not human to begin with, I see no injustice in it," replied Young Lord. His tone is firm without burden. I smiled bitterly.
'Oh, Young Lord, I already expected you to say that, but it is still painful.'
Grand Duchess light chuckle filled the air with dread, "Bear in mind, as a good ruler, you shall treat the slaves equal. Show no disdain or favoritism on one slave unnecessarily."
"That is natural," said Young Lord.
"Good, I expect my dear son to perform well."
I gritted my teeth. I knew his answer would be similar to that, but I still couldn't bury my first impression of Young Lord. His kind smile and bright eyes that enchanted me, his soft tone when he first spoke to me, it felt too unreal.
'It is unreal, look at him, another despicable lord who doesn't even see you as human. Wake up, Ramuja!'
I slapped my cheek to cover up this tangled up feeling. This was not the time to soften. Young Lord was just as despicable, it was just not the time for him to discard me, yet.
As long as he was not as straightforward as Grand Duchess, I could court his favor until he had forgotten his initial intention of gutting me.
As I pondered about it, Young Lord had finished his breakfast and I followed him to his classroom as usual. I stood outside the classroom until Young Lord finished his class. We went to his room and we kept this silence for hours while he was reading a book on the balcony until he noticed something.
"You, come here," Young Lord finally called me. I drew near him and said: "Does Young Lord have any order to this servant?"
"Why have you been wearing the same clothes since yesterday?" he asked.
I was stupefied that he noticed such a trivial thing from a slave. But then, I realized that he might try to find any flaw to punish me again.
"This servant is stupid, he forgot to change clothes."
Young Lord chuckled, his tone, his expression was similar to Grand Duchess, "How nasty, I will not allow you to attend me if you keep forgetting such matters. Don't you remember? I hate filth."
I wanted to punch him in the face for that insult. But I was just a slave, the bottom of the barrel. I had no option but to obey, "Pardon this servant's stupidity, Young Lord. This servant will withdraw and change his clothes."
"Good. You will attend me again tomorrow. You're dismissed."
"Yes, this servant will leave now."
As I left the Young Lord's room, I could see the trace of smile on his face. But I felt nothing but mockery inside my heart.
'Are you smiling because you had another idea to toy with me? Young Lord, you really are despicable.'
'I thought you would help me out of this hell. Turns out, you're just another one in this fiery pit.'