{Jay}
After the delay those witches caused us we were finally nearing Fischkopfstadt.
"I can't wait to get a bath, and fix up my staff!"
Flora stated.
"Don't you need Emira to fix your weapon?"
I asked her.
"Tsk. No, I just need the crystal replaced, and as long as they got the right equipment they can do that easily enough. The only difficult part will be to trick them into doing it for free. Slave, I might need you to pretend you're destitute in your human form."
"No."
Eric curtly replied.
"What's the point in having a slave who looks as innocent as possible, if she won't do as she's told?!"
Flora said to me.
"Probably because she isn't a slave."
I said.
"By law, she is."
Flora smugly told me.
"And by my tail, she isn't!"
Flora looked at my tail, then scooted further away from me.
"Fine, I guess I'll just have to figure out another way."
She said as sarcastically as she could.
"Yes, yes you will."
I flippantly responded to her.
As we rounded a bend of the road around a hill, the town came into view, and the first thought that came to mind was that it was big... and sloppily put together.
Like one guy came and built a shack, then another guy did the same right smack dab by it, and the trend kept going until they had a town.
There was obviously no attempt made at organization.
From where I sat all roads were zigzags, the houses were built so close together personal space wasn't possible, and houses were stacked on top of each other. To sum it up, the whole town was a building hazard wrapped in a bow.
One of the things you expect from a different world is to be wowed by the views, and not be greeted by a place... like this.
"Why the hell would they build their town like this!"
"Restrictions, obviously."
Flora snarkily told me.
"Like government restrictions?"
"Yeah, well, at least for the adjacency. The crazy roadwork is to make invading that much harder."
"How does forcing people to live that close help with an invasion?"
"The zigzag streets makes it harder to navigate, but them not getting much space is because of the local leadership probably doesn't want to waste the land on their living space."
"How do you know this?"
Lyra asked from up front, and Flora shrugged.
"It's just assumptions, but human nature is universal. Unless it's a major trading hub, land is worth more without people living on it; hunting, logging, grazing fields, farming, and whatever has more worth than a babbling baby."
"That's complete and utter bullshit!"
I said, and Flora just shrugged.
"That's life. I mean the only reason I chose to do lodging is because it was a safer bet with the amount of land we have."
I shook my head in irritation.
"I can't believe this."
"What?"
"This, the shit about witches, and the fucking sexism, why don't the people here just fucking rebel?!"
Flora rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, because when a group of unskilled, unarmed, and unarmored peasants going against highly trained, armored, and armed forces it always ends well for them."
She gave another 'are you an idiot' look.
"You know history is filled with stories of underdog rebellions winning against the odds, right?"
Namely star wars.
"Yeah, of course, it's because no one likes to hear a story about a nigh unbeatable army whooping a couple of losers' asses, but for every story of a successful revolt there's about a dozen failed ones."
"Yeah, whatever, the king is still complete scum! I'd like to kick his ass! Know what I..."
I stopped midway because they were all staring at me.
"What?! Don't tell me that the king is actually a very nice and misunderstood guy, 'cause that would be a big old heaping pile of bullshit!"
"Oh, I can definitely tell you the ruler of this kingdom is not a misunderstood nice guy."
Flora said, with a smile and chuckle.
"What's so funny?"
Flora just laughed harder, and Lyra is the one who answered my question.
"The ruler isn't a he, it's a queen."
"What?!"
"Shut up Patty! This aight on me, you called Hexeia a kingdom!"
I screamed at Flora.
"So?"
"So, if the ruler was a queen, you should have called it a queendom!"
"Why? Only to switch it back when a man is ruling, then switch it again when maybe another woman takes over. It would make no sense. The only reason you assumed it was a guy was because you are sexist, and believe women can't rule."
"That's not true! Where I'm from women rule just as well as the men.
I just assumed it was a guy because of what is going on in this country!"
"Why?"
"Because of this is play by play toxic masculinity!"
"What's that?"
Eric asked, and Flora answered before I could.
"Something that doesn't really exist."
"It does to exist."
"No, it doesn't because masculinity doesn't even exist."
"Okay, now you're fucking full of it. I'm a man myself."
"Oh? Then define it, what is masculinity?"
"Well, violence..."
"You mean the same violence women have done since the dawn of time? When they wanted something, wanted to protect something, or just felt like it."
"That's not all there is! We also provide for our family..."
"Again, like women have done since the beginning of time. And if you want to talk about the flip side and talk about feminity, men make great nurturers just like women, some are fantastic dressers, and some even abhor violence."
"But... toxic masculinity?"
"Is what? Someone talking down to you? Being super dominant? Excessive risk taking? Bullying?!"
"Yeah..."
"That's everything I - and will continue to - do. It's not them being toxic, it's them being an asshole, and they don't owe you their niceness.
It would be like saying someone owes you sex, neither are true, and it'll just get you beat up. Unless you're really strong."
"Wow, okay, then, but I still don't see how a queen could rule this country."
"Again, why?"
"Excuse me, it's hypersexist against women here, if she really is in charge, she should have changed it!"
"She ain't gonna change shit for the same reason all the men before her didn't, women start shit."
"What?! That's not true!"
"Think back to were you're from, and all of the wars, rebellions, revolutions, reforms, and what not 'started' by men were actually started by a woman."
"That..."
"Olympia, Cleopatra, Nefertiti, Rosa Parks, Coretta Scott King, Fatima Jinnah, and the list goes on. And that's only in your home.
Men however don't care as long as their main three needs are met."
"Three needs?"
"Something to eat and drink, something to fuck, and something to distract them be it sports, war, or a hobby. As long as those aren't disturbed they couldn't care less about what's going on.
Men love hierarchies, after the prerequisite dick measuring to figure out where they are on the pyramid they are fine staying right there.
Because those on top love the feeling of dominance they gain, and those on the bottom love to be able to blame everything on the ones on top.
The only reason some continuously fight is because they're too evenly matched, and one has to be better than the other."
"That's not true at all!"
"Yes, it is, and by you not realizing that it means you were the dominant friend, or were manipulated constantly. Knowing you, I'd bet my coin on you being manipulated."
"I'm not dumb, I don't get manipulated!"
She scoffed at me.
"Little known secret, the easiest people to manipulate are the smart ones. Just use their pride against them."
I looked through my memories to see if I had ever been manipulated, and lo and behold, I haven't been!
Everything I've ever done is because I wanted to do it.
He didn't make me, I chose to go and protect him.
Shut up Patty!
I focused my attention back on Flora fully.
"But wouldn't she feel remorse for all of her fellow women?"
"Pft, no. She's on the top, why would she care about the losers on the bottom?"
"Hey, that sounds just like a hierarchy!"
"So?"
"You was just talking shit about men for caring about hierarchies!"
"Y'all do care about hierarchies too much, but so do women. Probably more than men even."
"What? But everyone always says women don't do that because they don't have an ego like men."
"Tell me, is all the women where you're from just thoughtless slaves who just do as they're told?"
"Um... no?"
"Yeah, then they have ego. Ego is recognition of one's self, and an expression of said self. Nature is just one big fight for domination!
It's just that we as women have to normally hide our ego because - save for the abnormal freaks like the gong farmer - women are weaker than men, and we'd get our asses handed to us. So, we find other ways to exert our dominance, we turn society into a weapon.
It doesn't matter what you can do, if everyone you love abandons you.
And we do the same to other women to put them in their place."
"You make it sound like everyone is..."
"Is an asshole? That's because everyone is an asshole, and I treat them accordingly before they inevitably show their true colors."
"You two have some weird conversations."
Lyra stated from the front.
Flora shrugged.
"Got to pass the time someh... Ew!"
A bird interrupted her by pooping on her head.
"That thing shit on me!"
She was glaring daggers at the bird that was flying circles above us.
"Yeah, literally. It seems a great judge of character, or the lack thereof."
Jurea snidely remarked, and the rest of us laughed.
Flora sneered, looked up ahead at the road, then pointed at the offending bird.
"{Force bubble}!"
A bubble shot out at the bird, exploding it into guts.
"Why would you do that?!"
She looked at me like I said something stupid.
"I made sure nobody was around to witness my magic."
"That's not the bone of contention here! The bird just did what birds do, there was no reason to kill it!"
"It took a shit on me, it got what it deserved!"
Tweet! Tweet!
Caw! Caw!
Kque! Kque!
A cacophony of bird-calls from the trees surrounded us.
If I weren't in a fantasy novel already, I'd have thought this was a horror story.
The birds, the fucking birds.
Patty?
Shut the fuck up!
I have enough to be worried about, I don't need to add jump scares to the fucking list.
Like in Feuerdorf, a couple of men were at the entrance leading into the town as we rolled up.
At least they were nicer than those other guys.
Except for the fact that the entire conversation they had was to Jurea and Lyra's tits.
I think I even saw one start playing pocket pool.
After awhile of them finding reasons to prolong their chat with the girls, they told us to head on in.
"Well, that was super easy."
Lyra stated, while riding into the town.
Jurea nodded in agreement.
"Tell me about it! They didn't take their eyes off us long enough to ask any real questions."
Both of them seemed more shaken than before at Feuerdorf.
"But isn't this better than when those other guys who were completely hostile?"
I asked.
Jurea emphatically shook her head.
"No, this is way worse! Anger we can handle, but this is just creepy."
"You got that right! I could feel them undressing me with their eyes."
We all looked at Flora - who still had shit in her hair - like she's crazy, but it was Eric who put those looks into words.
"I don't think they were looking at you."
Flora's face flashed with anger.
"What would a stupid slave know! I'm the most attractive one here!"
Pft! And I'm John Legend.
One, about your ill advised attempt at comparing yourself to John Legend, Hahahahahahahahahahahah!> Are you done?! What opinion? You're just a disembodied voice! The day I ask you for sex advice, is the day that it will rain diamonds! I ignored the rest of Flora's inane babbling to focus on the town as we entered. The phrase packed in like sardines didn't even do it justice, there wasn't even a crack between buildings! Giant wooden posts were erected as the backbones for groups of wooden buildings going vertically, rotten gangplanks and rope bridges connected the buildings from above, the bones of giant monsters were also used for rungs, railings, and places to tie down the ropes for the bridges. The streets are so narrow that they only allow two wagons to drive through, so foot traffic travelled above our heads on those rickety bridges. I don't know if I could be brave enough to run, jump, play, or do the plethora of other things those groups of people are doing. I mean boards were falling down as we passed! We drove all the way to river, and it took my breath away. The width alone must be over a couple miles because I can't see the other shore. Rope bridges span the length of the river however, meaning the rest of the town is on the other bank. "How wide is this river?" I asked Flora. "How am I supposed to know that? I've never been to this backwater garbage heap before." Some of the people directly above us, looked down at Flora with barely disguised contempt. "What are you bumpkins looking at?!" She screamed up to them. Never mind, not disguised at all contempt. I just hope that any gods they are praying to for our quick deaths, aren't listening. Patty? I felt energy leaving me. Hot damn, that's amazing! Dozens of rope bridges are stretched across the river, attached to dozens of wooden posts - every couple of hundred feet - along the way. Right next to the bridges is pulley systems that are moving small baskets back and forth. "Stay here while I go try and find us a boat." Flora said to me, and only me. "Why are you saying that just to me?" "'Cause you're an idiot who's going to get played, and cost us money." "Hey..." She jumped off, without bothering to listen to my reply. Joke's on her, I didn't want to go anyway! Shut up Patty. __________ Thwak! "Ow!" I woke up with a throbbing head. Looking around, I saw the others waking up as well, and a sparkly clean Flora standing above me with her staff out. The crystal shining brightly. "Hey! Why'd you hit me?!" "I tell y'all one thing, and all of you fall asleep! What if someone tried to steal my shit!" "You were gone for hours! Also, the wagon's locked, and Eric was sleeping on the capacity bag!" "You think no one can figure out how to pick a lock? Or slip the bag out from a sleeping slave? I've done both of those things when I was younger!" "Hey, that does... wait, your staff!" "Don't try and change the subject!" "No, your staff is fixed." The cracked crystal was completely healed, brighter, and even a little bit bigger. "Oh, yeah, when I pulled it out earlier it was like this. Apparently being a sentient weapon means it can eat shit to repair itself - namely my witch mana heart. I saved a ton on not having to pay someone to repair it. One of these days I'll have to figure out a way to thank Elise." "How about remembering her name properly?" "Don't suggest impossibilities. If she was going to be interesting enough for that, she'd already have been." "What about a boat?" Lyra asked, getting to the task at hand. "Oh, right. We'll have to head a little south of the town." "Why?" Jurea asked. Because she's a cheap-ass. "They all tried to stiff me, but after asking around I found someone who'll be real cheap." Yup, cheap-ass. "Why?" I asked. "Why what?" Flora responded, as Lyra got back into the driver's seat, and started the process of turning us around. "Why is whomever you found so cheap?" She glanced at my tail, and that told me everything I need to know. "I don't know what you're talking about." "Flora." My tail swished back and forth. "Eh-hem, I might have forgotten to mention why she isn't in town." "Keep going." "She's a witchblood." "A what?" "Remember what I told you about how the babies of witches and humans don't always come out as witches, right? Well, just because you're not a witch doesn't mean..." "That people won't treat you like shit." "Yeah, but at least they're letting her stay near the town." Yeah, because that makes up for it. But on the other hand... "I don't want to say this, but maybe we should just pay more money for a boat ride in town." Flora cocked an eyebrow at me. "Why? Because you're being a bigot?" "I'm not..." I stopped midway because I realized what I was saying sounded like. "How can you not be worried?" She shrugged. "If I restricted those I do business with to only species who have not tried to kill me, the amount of people I could scam would drastically decline. As I've told you before everyone is an asshole who is only looking out for themselves, so I'm never surprised or disappointed when they betray and try to kill me." "That's bull, I've seen you get revenge all of time." "That's just for the principal of the matter. I have to set an example for everyone else that it's more of a risk than benefit to try and fuck me over." We passed through the gate, and the creepy guys, and started going south. "Look, the whole reason both sides are as sexist as they are is because of the war. The men got attacked and their families murdered by the witches, and the witches get attacked and murdered by witch hunters. Which means that both sides treat the opposite gender like shit." "But you were pissed at them for taxing women." "Just because I understand why they are assholes, doesn't mean I have to like them. They're still assholes." ___________ Half an hour later we pulled up to a weird looking hut by the river. Gross plants were planted all around it, and a boat is floating behind it. A lady in her thirties is tending her plants, she's skinny, really tan, and half of her left leg is missing. She noticed us, waved, and got up to come over to us on her pirate peg leg. "Just let me do the talking." Flora said, then smiled when she got to us. "Hi, I'm Kaja, how can I help you?" The lady said, returning Flora's smile. "We heard you can take us to Meerburg, correct?" "Ah, so y'all are cheap-asses." Ha! "Excuse me?!" "They must have told you that I have witch blood running through my veins, which is why you came here, you thought I'd charge you less, or you thought you could try and kill me and just take my boat. I'm gonna tell you right now though that I might not be a witch, but I'm still dangerous." Flora rolled her eyes. "Cool your horses, no one's going to attack you. We just want to go down river at a reasonable price, preferably free." "I only give discounted rides in exchange for ingredients." "Ingredients? Like what?" "Well, right now the only thing I need is virginal blood." "Why would you need that?! I thought you weren't a witch!" I screamed. After all, that screams demonic sacrificial ritual horror movie, and I'll fucking pass on that shit! "It speaks?" She asked, in response to my outburst. "Yes, he does. Now answer the question, why the blood?" Flora questioned her. "I'm not a witch, but I do have some pretty extensive knowledge of potion making. Virgin blood has amazing healing properties." Flora, obviously convinced after that little explanation due to her greed, she moved on. "So, we give you the blood, and you will take us to Meerburg?" "On my honor." Flora plastered on her shit eating grin. Looks like we're doing this. Well, I guess it is a pretty good deal. Now, who is going to be donating the blood? I know Jurea is out, she was raped as a kid. It would be tactless to ask Lyra that question. So.... I looked expectantly at Flora. "Why are you looking at her?" Jurea asked me. "Um... 'cause we need virgin blood." "Hahahahahahahaha!" "What's so funny?" Jurea shoved a finger at Flora. "Flora is definitely not a virgin, she's addicted to sex." What?! "I'm not addicted to sex!" Flora yelled. "How can she be a sex junkie? For as long as I've known her she's met no one new." Jurea looked at me strangely. "She frequents whores all the time." "What?! When?!" "All of those times she goes on errands, what do you think she was doing?" "Buying potions and supplies!" "And how long do you think that takes? Most of her money gets wasted on whores." "I don't waste money, I'm stimulating the economy!" "You named the new whorehouse!" Wait! There's a whorehouse near us?! "I didn't name it! I just suggested a name, and everyone else liked it. The Demon's Tits is an awesome name!" Well, apparently she's out as well. I glanced over at Lyra. She shook her head. "Sorry, I haven't been a virgin in a looooong time." With a body like that, I don't doubt that at all. Just noticing doesn't make me a pig! Shut up Patty! We have no other choice I guess. I turned to Eric. "I'm truly sorry, but..." "I'm not a virgin either." Look how pure she is, not understanding what we are talking about. "No, what we're talking about... um... well, it's..." "It's when you have sex. I've done it before." "But Ledina said you were a virgin!" "Who?" "The girl who was trying to sell you." "Oh, yeah, I just called her bitch always, so I kind of forgot her real name. Anyway, yeah, she lied about that. She knew I would get a better price that way. I did say I bit off a guy's dick." "Do they always have weird conversations like this?" Kaja asked Lyra, while we were talking, and Lyra just nodded. "You can't fake women virginity!" I said, and they all looked at me weirdly. "You... you don't think a hymen is like a letter seal that only breaks when you have sex, do you?" Jurea asked me. "Um... it's not?" "Hahaha! No, dummy. Hymens can get broken before sex." Flora said, laughing at me. "I broke mine while playing in the woods as a girl." Lyra said. "So, some asshole forced himself on you? Tell me who he is, and I'll..." I questioned Eric, ignoring Lyra's statement. "Actually, I forced myself on him." Everyone looked at her with shocked face. "What?!" "Yup, I felt weird tingles in my ears, I'd get really warm, and there was this itch I couldn't scratch. Then, when I saw him, I knew what I wanted. I tackled him, and dragged him into some bushes. It felt really good, but I had the feeling he didn't know what he was doing." Flora put her hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, that's all men." All of the girls were nodding their heads in agreement, even the complete stranger we met not even five minutes ago! Shut up Patty! "It's not all men! That's sexist!" Jurea stopped nodding. "Oh, she... um... she wasn't talking about every single guy, some are probably really great at sex." Jurea started to blush. "The fuck I wasn't, every guy I've bedded I've had to teach them what to do. Don't worry, I've also had to show the ropes to some women as well. Not as many as the men, but a decent amount." "Wait, you're bisexual?" "No, I'm Flora-sexual. Anything that makes me feel good, I do it." "Oh, so you mean..." "Please, enough!" Kaja said, interrupting me. "I'm more open minded than most of the bigots in this kingdom, but my goddess, I have a line. Do you people not know somethings should be kept private? You've just met me!" Oh, yeah. "Ahem. Sorry, I guess we won't be able to get that free ride." I said. "Why not?!" Flora replied. "We don't have a virgin to give blood." I shook my head at her. "Yes, we do." "Who?!" I pointed at the rest of the girls. "You." "I'm not..." Wait, I was reborn, and not once since I've set foot on this rock have I had sex. I'm... I'm a... I'm a... "Virgin!!! I'm a virgin!!!!" "No, duh." Flora uncompassionately stated, then turned to Kaja. "So, how big of a discount are we talking about here? And how much blood do you need? A pint? Two?" "I don't want to kill him!" "Eh, he's sturdy. So, if we give you three pints, will you take us for free?"