Neeta asked "Did something happen today?" "It's nothing much really. But somehow I am unable to stop thinking about it. It was just before the lecture. They were all talking how great their vacation was and how many hot guys were asking them out or slept with how many girls, you know, that sort of things." Neeta interrupted and asked " They - are your college friends, right?"
"They are not really friends. It's just bunch of people I hangout with. As you know already, I don't have anyone in my life whom I can call real friend. Anyways, so there I was listening to these people and their stories and for a moment I felt like someone is watching me. So I turned around and saw that this first bench guy is staring at me. He is this typical nerdy character who thinks studies are everything in life and professors are like god. He listens to them ultra carefully from that first bench of his and bunking a class is sin in his eyes. A typical innocent, good guy basically who thinks that he is the smartest of all and everyone else is beneath him. And THAT GUY is staring at ME, for whatever reason that is. Although we have been in same class for almost 8 months now, he has never looked at me or my friends or spoken to anyone other than his first bench clan. I was surprised a little, to be honest. But soon I realised why he was looking at me. I could see judgment in his eyes; and him thinking like how I am embodiment of everything that is evil and my existence on this earth is a mistake. I have never spoken to him in my life! And I am pretty sure that guy thinks that I am characterless as he is the sort of person who will judge people based on their looks. I know this is the type of thing that is very common to me. I am always judged for my appearance or my behavior, but this was something different. I don't know how to explain that feeling, but that one gaze was filled with so much of disgust, hatred, pity, judgement and what not. I just could not look away, and I kept thinking what have I done to deserve this look; this treatment from a total stranger. Eventually I broke off the eye contact and looked away, but that heavy feeling in my heart never left me. " Shradha spoke all these words very slowly but clearly with her eyes closed, as though she was reliving that very moment. Laying down on the couch, with evening sunlight shining on her beautiful face she looked as though she was part of a painting. It was beautiful, yet sad and maybe even heartbreaking.
Listening to her words, Neeta could not help but feel sad towards Shradha. This was not new to Neeta. She had dealt with troubled young generation lot more times than one could imagine. But each time the feeling was same. Most of these kids were in their current state due to either overbearing parents or stress of following socioeconomic expectations. In this fast paced and competitive world, teenagers and youngsters are put through lot of stress and expectations. But without a strong support system if you put them through the realities of life, they will end up being lost souls. She had seen that a lot in her 10 years of experience. Neeta hated it when she had to face these broken souls; she felt oddly responsible for their condition. But she had to do her part in lifting them up and showing them the right direction. Shradha was one of those girls who reminded her of social injustice that is bestowed upon women in general. Shradha had parents who dismissed her completely as a responsibility, someone whom they would want to get rid of sooner than later. They never showed attention or love towards Shradha, while they doted towards her younger brother as he was their precious son. Because of this, she became rebel, hoping to gain some attention, but all in vain. Then she got herself into addictions of all sorts. She was at the verge of losing herself when Neeta met her. Despite of trying to convince her, Shradha took full 6 months to trust Neeta completely and started therapy. By then she had stopped using drugs, which was close to impossible without help, but Shradha seemed to have done all by herself. This was when Neeta realized that this girl had the potential and just needed emotional support. Someone who trusted her and told her constantly that she was not trash but treasure. Since then Neeta had tried her best to be a friend to Shradha, even though it was against the basic principles of therapy.
Neeta took a deep breath and started speaking. " He might not be talking about you or judging you in any way. Don't you think you are also jumping into premature conclusion, just like everyone else? Anyways I was under the impression that we are working on ignoring what others think of you and focus on what you think about yourself. "
They spoke little more about this and Neeta further emphasized how it was important for Shradha to concentrate on herself than listening to others opinion. She stressed again that working on self esteem and confidence was key in Shradha's situation. They ended the session after casually talking about college and classes.