"Kiro wake up, you will be late to class"
I heard a familiar voice calling to me
'It can't be'
I immediately got up and went towards where the voice is, but no matter where I go, I cannot find or reach where the voice is.
"I see you don't need me to wake you up anymore, then I'll be going now. Kiro"
"No… don't go. Do not go… Please, DON'T LEAVE ME"
I shouted and I found myself looking towards the ceiling while reaching my own hands, trying to reach something.
'A dream?'
I asked as I clenched my fist as if reaching the ceiling above me.
"This is too sudden… do not go please"
Tears began to form in my eyes even though it's still morning. I felt tired. I dont want to wake up. I put my arm to my closed eyes.
"I don't want to continue "
I muttered when all of a sudden a big bang coming from my door surprised me
"And how long are you going to stay asleep young man"
A loud voice interrupted my lament and forcefully wake me up from my delusions.
I got up lazily and look at my sister with dead eyes, yes the person who came barging in my room early in the morning is my one and only sister, Kiyoko Yougaza. She has a brown short hair which is different to mine and my mother which is black, but we have the same black eyes
"Kiyo-nee"
I said with a deadpan voice but my sister step forward and drag me from my room
"Kiyo-nee!"
I shouted and stop from walking. I look down at the floor and my foot
"Kiro, you need to move forward little by little, you can rely on your reliable onee-chan here"
My sister make a cute pose as she smiled and slowly she helped me walk away from my room. Her smile which is similar to my mother makes my eyes teary once again.
'How can I move on? When I …'
I dragged my feet away from my room and little by little I distance myself from my bed then all of a sudden I stepped the sleeves of my pajama and the both of us fall in the floor.
My sister immediately hold me tight as we fall.
"There, there. I am still here Kiro"
She pat my head easing as if my pain
"Don't go"
"I won't"
"Don't leave"
"I won't"
"Stay with me"
"Yes"
As she answers my question one by one sincerely, I hugged my sister tight and cry in her chest. It's not the first time she seen me crying because back then I am crybaby young brother but this is the first time I bawled like a baby in her front.
After I cried like a child we eat our breakfast, the once bountiful and nutritious breakfast I had is now filled with cup noodles and some heated bread.
"I want a fried rice with egg and ham on it"
I said unconsciously and my sister just smiled at me and pass me my hot chocolate.
My once special hot chocolate is now an instant chocolate that can be bought in the nearby store.
"Give me my special hot chocolate"
I demanded, I know what I am doing is wrong but I cannot help it. This is not how I have breakfast, if mom is …
"Kiro you know that your sister cannot cook well, even brewing your hot chocolate cannot be that good"
My sister continue to smiled at me, I reluctantly accept the food and put it into my mouth then suddenly my mouth move again.
���If mom is here, we …"
"STOP IT, KIRO YOUGAZA"
She shouted as soon as those words come from my mouth. I know my sister is kind, she cannot get angry or even shout that loud except when she is waking me from my sleep even so her voice is still lovely yet what I hear is pure of anger.
She is angry that I mentioned mom, mom is the better cook. She can brew my chocolate.
I know I am childish right now, that what I am saying is wrong but I cannot helped it. Mom … she cannot be dead.
"Mom can cook us better breakfast and she can brew my hot chocolate, she will scold me from eating too fast. She will…"
I miss my mother.
Why did she die? It is natural?
No, she cannot die. What about me, I have died a multiple times but I am here. If I am here then she too can…
As my thoughts are getting jumbled and crazier a slap touch my cheek
It is not a hard slap as I thought, it's a very sincere touch.
"Sorry for shouting Kiro, I know you have it hard, You are there when she die and might be, no I know it's a shocked to you but Kiro Mom is dead. I know your sister is a clumsy one who cannot achieved better than mom, but sister will do her best from now on so Kiro, please…. Please… "
For the first time, I see my sister cry. For me she is a strong girl, who can win at boys at her age but right now what I am seeing is her being weak.
I hold her hands that is trembling, I know I must accept it but I am not ready yet this lamentation I felt, I don't know when it will ends or what can still change me.
For now, I ease myself for the sake of my sister's tears.