"Logan," I said. Logan looked over toward me. "What?" He asked me. Logan's eyes never lost my gaze even though it had been about 2 minutes after I called his name.
"I can't do this anymore," I said. "What do you mean?" Logan asked me. "I can't do this anymore. All of this. The pain, the heartbreak. I just want it all to be over." I said taking a seat on his bed before laying back.
"Aria, pain like that doesn't go away. It takes time. And I'll be there for you through it all even if it takes years." Logan said. "I know that. And that's what I mean. The pain won't go away for anytime soon. It's going to take forever. Losing a child is totally different than losing a pet or a grandparent. A child is a child." I said.
"I just want it all to end, Logan. No, I need to all to end. I can't live like this. I can't be without my baby Logan. But every time I think about ending it all, I remember that there are women all over the world who have lost their babies in more terrible ways. And they have to live through it. And then I feel selfish and terrible." I said admitting to all of my feelings.
"Aria, you don't have to feel bad, baby. Everybody deals with things differently. But please explain what you mean by ending it all?" Logan asked me with great concern. "Logan as I said earlier I don't know if I can deal with all of this pain. So maybe it might be better if I just end it all and I can maybe be with my baby in the end." I said.
"So basically you want to kill yourself?" Logan asked me extremely pissed off. "Please don't be mad Logan. I just feel so broken and I don't know how I am supposed to live my life all alone?" I asked.
"You aren't alone Aria. You have me." Logan said before kissing me. At this moment I had only two things on my mind.
1. Having sex with Logan
2. Ending it all
I wanted to do both. So I figured I would screw Logan first. Then go into his bathroom and kill myself.
I wrapped my arms around Logan quickly pulling him closer to me. Logan bit my lip begging for entrance to my mouth. Without wasting any time Logan pulls the straps of my dress and bra down before unzipping my dress and throwing it across the room leaving me only in my underwear. Logan stopped kissing me for a second and looked at my body.
The one that only a week ago was carrying his son. I sighed as I looked at my stomach. "You are so beautiful Aria. I don't understand how you can say you aren't." Logan said looking at me. I quickly pulled him back slamming his lips back onto mine.
I tug at his belt letting Logan know to take his pants off. As Logan started to undo his belt and take off his pants I slip off his suit jacket and unbutton his top.
Logan flips us over as soon as his pants are off. Logan rests his back against the headboard as I straddle him. I start grinding on him hoping to quickly get a reaction. Logan and I haven't had sex in a while and I really just want to get right to it.
"Logan," I said in between kisses. "What?" He asked me. "Protection," I said. "Aria. If you are really going to kill yourself then it won't matter." Logan said looking into my eyes.
"I guess you are right," I said. "But you can't stop me," I stated looking into Logan's eyes. "I won't Aria. Because I'm going to do it with you. I can't lose you and our baby in the same week." Logan said.
I nodded. Logan takes his boxers off and positioned himself to enter me. Logan didn't go fast like he normally did. He took his time. Savoring every second of it. He continued his slow pace as he attacks my neck with kisses. I moan loudly as he speeds up a bit. Logan grips my sides going deeper into me.
"I love you, Logan," I said before kissing him.
"I love you too Aria. So much." He said looking into my eyes before flipping us over so he was on top. He speeded up his pace until he couldn't go any faster. He picks up my hips and he thrusts into me with a smooth rhythm. I looked into his eyes and saw that he deeply cared about me.
I was now wondering, could being with him keep me alive?
Sorry about the late update! I dropped my computer into the pool :).
Next Update: July 5th, 2019