The fear of being alone has been dreading me for the last two days. I can't avoid it. It's inevitable
But now, it hit me.
I can't say that everyone left me because I was the one who flew 8 hours away from everyone, away from home.
Meanwhile, My dorm is oddly bigger than what I expected. My bed is big enough but not as big as what I have back home, a small double doors closet. I doubt if it can even accommodate my clothes. The only thing I love is there's a big window beside a table and a television and some throw pillows scattered on the floor which is covered with a brown carpet and lastly the small brown couch.
Throwing myself to the bed, I faced my pillow to hide my sobs.
I feel so pathetic.
Girls my age should be eager to leave home. But here I am crying just because I'm scared. So much for my self pity! I know this continuous sobs bothers. but more likely disturb my neighbors. For sure, they can hear me with this thin piece of wood as a barrier.
I tried to calm myself. I raced to my bathroom sink and splashed water on my face and the back of my neck. I don't know what's the rationale behind wetting my nape, but it just calms me.
There's a gentle knock outside, Is it from my door?
It can't be or maybe, just what I thought, there's a war freak who wants to yell at me and tell me to shut the fvck up!
I step out of the bathroom with a towel on hand and pat my face dry before checking if the knock is from my door. Nothing.
Just when I turned back there's a knock again! and I'm pretty sure it's from my door!
"Hello?" a girl says from behind. At least she doesn't sound like a war freak.
When I didn't answer, she knocked again. This time louder "Hello? I just want to make sure you're okay! "
I want to tell her to leave me alone because I'm far from okay! But, I don't want to sound rude, I think she's just being nice that she even bothers to knock on my door just to check on me, given that I'm likely a stranger in this school.
the first thing that I noticed when I opened the door is her orange hair. I blinked twice to make sure it's orange. She chuckles,
"I know my hair is awesome, no need to stare, but if you want to, feel free!" She asked while touching her hair. Her accent is a bit different.
She's small, small body frame, petite, and chinky eyes and her skin is so white but unlike mine, hers appear to glow and there's no hint of freckles. She must be a Korean.
"sorry..." I said, maybe she finds me rude for staring at her hair.
she shrugged it off and just laugh saying, its a normal reaction she gets every time she changes her hair color.
"Im Yoona, I live next door. I just heard you and I thougt that you ought to be with a friend or something?"
She looked at my appearance and my puffy eyes says everything.
" Did I bother you or something?" I asked in a low tone, suddenly embarrassed because of my childlike behavior awhile ago
"no.." it sounded more like a nah than the usual no "I just want to check if you're still breathing here?"
she might saw the confusion in me but she just brushed it off. " I was like that too when I first got here, you'll be okay soon" She tilts her head " I have something that will calm you.."
she nods towards the next room, her room. I look back to my room unsure if I should go out.
"don't worry you'll come back here, alive... and kicking" she chuckles.
Despite my mood to stay in my room all day, I follow. A girl passed us by and Yoona wave at her, she looks so at home in this school. The girl smiles back and told her something in french that I dont understand.
We enter her room. I'm in awe. Its clean and cute. It's the same size as mine, our room set up is also alike but hers, all the furniture that the school provided just like mine is replaced, Her bed is bigger with a thick mattress covered with white beddings that matches her wall that has the same color. Her living room just like the other parts of her dorm is white as well except for her carpet and throw pillows which are pink. Her walls has some paintings and sketches.
"I changed everything in here, I made it all personalized..." she said noticing how I admire her room.
"How long have you been here?" I ask
Yoona hands me a tissue and I blow my nose, a terrible honk. too girly huh? my subconscious says.
"I arrived here two days ago. This is my third year here, but I still prefer to arrived days before everyone else. I get to get all the things I need before my friends starts inviting me out. Nonstop."
She looks around and walks towards her kitchen handing me a box of macaroons. It says macaraons au chocolat
Chocolate macaroons, I wish french makes it easy for me just like this box. But I know better, I have to have subtitle installed in my brain to understand everything.
I spot a pile of papers, pencils and different kinds of rulers on her table and realize it's a design of a building. "I'm into architecture and everything that involves buildings. Dress and other fashion thinggy don't do it for me"
I circle her living room settling for her white couch. I quickly recognize some famous buildings: Trinity Church where I usually go with my dad every Sunday, the Colosseum in Italy and the Big Ben in London
"That sketch is from my friend Damien, he got it for me. He's from there" she said pointing to the last picture.
I nod, though I don't know who he is.
"Is milk okay with you? I know its not a good idea to have milk this hour but I love it with macaroons" she explained
"I would like to try it if you say it's that good" I laughed
"You'll love it!"
While Yoona makes some hot milk. I learn she's a junior, and that she has a part time job in one of the art galleries here in Paris, she works there every weekend saying she's just there because she loves seeing how other people appreciate art and she's learning a lot there. That's she's a Korean just what I thought she is, although she spent the last 4 years in Los Angeles before moving here in Paris. Inviting me to go with her next time to Korea, saying I would love to see the beauty of her home land.
Her room is amazing. In addition to the paintings on the walls, she has dozen of make up and self pampering paraphernalia on her table, from face mask, moisturizers, makeups in different brands , and other beauty products I didn't know that exists, and books neatly tacked in a small bookshelf. It already looks like she made it her home.
I opened one of her books but decided to close it as soon as I saw a lot of numbers and geometrical lines in it.
"I wish my room is like this" except for the geometrical lines and complicated numbers stocked in her books.
Yoona looks pleased with my complement
"I would love to help you renovate your room," she says with a hint of excitement. I thanked her loving the idea. If I would stay here for years I would love to have a place I could call, home.
"Are these your friends?" I place the book back in it's safe place and point a picture in one of her shelves. It's secured in beautiful silver picture frame. Three people stand before a fountain, I noticed the abundance of camera that is hanged on their necks reveals that they went there to tour around.
She breaks into a wide smile that reached her eyes. "yeah, we took that last year when we went to Italy, That's Jaz and Azzi and Me, we're four actually but Damien is such a big ass of a kill joy and refuses to join in the picture so he insisted to just take the picture for us."
Self pity begins to swallow me again, I'm just the total loner here.
" I'm sure you'll meet him soon because Damien don't hang around with everyone except with the people he's closed with and that's us."
I nod despite my uneasiness, would her friends even like me, would they feel like I'm intruding in their friendship built years ago.
"And, Jaz and Azzi are dating, too much zzzzzz right for a couple" I laughed at her opinion.
Ah, Yoona must be single. I can relate, definitely. Back home I dated my best friend, for two weeks. We were both single and we were both curious of how dating feels like so we decided to date but when we went out to have our actual 'date' the first time it ended like what we usually do as best friends. We know it won't work so we decided to stay as what we are. It's lame and we just laugh at it up until now.
He was so excited for me when I told him about Paris and he even gave me some lectures about Paris, and it's a big help! I did cry when he went with us till the airport to send me away. I sent him a text as soon as we arrived in Paris and he replied 'have fun you'll love Paris' just like what everyone else says.
I'm about to ask Yoona what classes she's taking, when her phone rang, k-pop music buzzing from it. She rolls her eyes and answers they spoke in Korean, my nose bleed for the hundredth time this day.
I glance at her wall clock shaped liked a tiny Petronas Tower and surprised that it's quite a bit late. I set my mug and the empty box of macaroons on her center table.
"I should get going" I whisper. "thank you for the milk and macaroons" I smiled
"wait girl." Yoona covers the mouthpiece "It was so nice meeting you, I'll see you at breakfast?"
"ah sure!" I try to say without sounding so excited to finally have a friend. I'm so thrilled that I didn't notice the wall, and I slam straight into it.
Whoops! not a wall, it's a boy, but his chest is hard as a wall.
"Oof.." He says he didn't even barge when I slam into him
"Sorry! I didn't see you were there."
He looked at me in confusion. The first thing I notice is his eyes. It's green, No gray, or maybe a mixed of both. It's deep as if I will get lost into it if I stare too much. His long dark eyelashes gives more depth into it, I don't see darkness though, I see beauty.
yet mysterious eyes.
"It's fine. I didn't see you coming either. Are you alright?"
And he's English!
"Er, is Yoona in there? or did she changed rooms?"
seriously, this boy is the perfect epitome of a God straight from the heaven and the accent is just irresistible. I don't know why American girls love English accent. They die over it!
The boy clears his throat "Yoona Park, small girl, chinky eyes with a different hair color, I'm not sure what her hair color is now" then his eyebrows raise as if I'm weird or plainly deaf.
"never mind.." He rolls his eyes and takes a small step away from me towards the door.
"Yes! Yoona lives there. I've just had a milk and those mouth watering macaroons with her!" I announce like a child whenever he receives a gift from my dad every Christmas.
"I'm Hailey, I live next door to Yoona" I say pointing my door. oh God Hailey! would you stop talking, you're creeping him out! heat runs through me and I'm sure I'm back to being a tomato and I just realize how embarrassing I am.
The gorgeous boy gives an amused grin. I don't know but he seems to carry this smug look always. Just like his face, his teeth are perfect, like what i usually see during the toothpaste commercial I always see when I watch my favorite series every Saturday night.
"Damien, " he says "I live one floor up"
"that's great!" I gladly say, way over the normal glad.
"Well, see you around then, Hailey" He wraps his longs fingers on Yoona's knob.
lub-dub-lub-dub
I put my hands in my chest preventing my heart that wants to jump out of it.
Yoona opens her door "Damiiiiieee!" she shrieks. They laugh and hug as the door closes.
I walk towards my door. I heard a giggling behind me as two girls past by me. I turn and open the door just to welcome by my reflection.
I'm still the new girl. I'm still alone.